Author Topic: For those in budding relationships ...  (Read 28262 times)

Virgo

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #555 on: January 18, 2018, 12:53:33 PM »
Arneal- Maybe a different approach with your guy could be  "when you do X (shut me out) it makes me feel X. " It's hard when you get shut out because you feel like they would want to lean on you for support. I hope he contacts you soon and everything goes as planned for the weekend.
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #556 on: January 18, 2018, 01:27:09 PM »
Well-said, Virgo. Boys can be different, not as apt to discuss what they are thinking or feeling about mom dating and such. My son (as I have mentioned has special needs and lives in semi-independent living) was very polite when he met BF but had a meltdown later. He never told his house mom that it was specifically related to seeing me with someone, who my son said he was happy for me, but his house mom thought it was ... you just never know and have to take it all as it comes.

And thank you for that suggestion -- I like how you put it. My only adjustment would be to switch it around (I feel X when you do X) so I am not inadvertently adding to the pressure he is feeling from the whole daughter blow out thing.
« Last Edit: January 18, 2018, 01:28:52 PM by arneal »
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

trying2breathe

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #557 on: January 18, 2018, 05:57:49 PM »
I feel for you, arneal, lack of communication would very much bother me too.  I hope that your talking about it with him brings better times ahead for you.  I gently suggest that you not put yourself second, your feelings and your relationship with your boyfriend count too.  I have tiptoed around feelings and have put myself and the relationship second, and it doesn't feel good. Being up front with what you need isn't a bad thing, perhaps the timing of it isn't ideal but he does need to hear how you feel.

Needy  My son can be a Quasimodo too  :o  holes himself up in his bedroom and isn't social.  Maybe create a more casual way of doing something together with NG - some kids are socially awkward and sitting and watching TV with you both might be a bit much right now.  Glad that he checked the snowblower, sounds like he gave it a go and that's good.
Have I told you lately how much I love you?

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #558 on: January 19, 2018, 04:14:00 PM »
Thanks for that, trying2: the thing is, if he's gone underground to lick his wounds, nothing will make him come out. He fits the profile of a guy born under the Cancer sign lol. I don't follow astrology or anything but my educational background has made me interested in traits. One thing that I read about that sign is that the men are very much like the crab: stubborn, will go far away from everyone, even loved ones, when hurt and trying to force them out causes pain for both.

So, instead of asking questions or anything like that, I've continued doing what I usually do. I went to the thing last night. I got someone to take a photo of me while there. I made a social media post about it. I texted BF and attached it, saying the event will be happening for a few months and maybe we can go so he can see the whole thing. I texted this morning about the video game, where my character is, and that she misses his character :) I have continued my social media posts. I will go to a local church group meeting tonight; I made it my goal to go at least once per month and tonight will be my first time going. Will send a text tomorrow morning to let him know I am cooking; might make an offer to go there, I'm undecided yet.

I am not convinced I will hear from him this weekend. I remember one time I think it was last year where he was off-grid for just over a week and then sent me a text saying he needed to just isolate and deal with the issue. I am thinking it may be the same this go, but if I get that text, I will think of something to text back ... short and kind ... to say that the complete disappearing act is something we gotta talk about :)
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

trying2breathe

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #559 on: January 19, 2018, 04:38:04 PM »
Definitely something to talk about, arneal.  I freak when I don't hear from my boyfriend for half a day - wid thing crops up for me and I wonder if something horrible may have happened.  It's great that you're staying busy, not hesitating to live your life and continue on. I understand holing up and isolating but he should also understand at the very least your need to be in touch to know that he's okay. Hope that the conversation and/or text goes well, when you have it.         (( Big hugs ))
Have I told you lately how much I love you?

arneal

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Re: For those in budding relationships ...
« Reply #560 on: January 19, 2018, 04:48:24 PM »
I hear that, trying2. I also go through the gamut of what horrid thing may have happened, but remembering past similar situations (even though none have been this bad -- well, maybe they were but I wasn't involved and connected enough to know it, which is my other consideration!) along with prayer helps. It also seems that he's not had anyone who desires such connection in this way. Sad but true ... it sounds like no one, not even the ex's, cared whether he came or went, felt good or bad, or how he dealt with difficulties. Despite a text to start things off, which is what I think it might be, there will be conversation ...
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b