Author Topic: Facebook...Ugh  (Read 399 times)


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« on: January 07, 2018, 08:50:24 PM »
So I'm entering a new stage of my loss where I'm doing stuff for me and not just focusing on the death. I'm making new friends and developing's great! But I still haven't dealt with Facebook yet.

According to Facebook I'm still married to my husband. I just recently switched it so only I can see it. I never posted much about what happened on there other than at the anniversary where I just expressed what I was feeling. It still has my married name but I'll be honest that in a lot of places I go by my maiden name again. I know that's a tough one for a lot of widows but I wasn't even married a year and barely got to work the name in. Hell half of my IDs still hadn't been turned over yet. I do still consider myself to have that last name though. But it's a bit of an identity crisis really for me. Because sometimes I feel like I'm lying to myself when I go by that name as if he's still here. Needless to say all the stuff I've ever posted on Facebook now feels very personal. And as I'm making these new connections and making new friends they want to friend me on Facebook. And I'm currently looking at a list of a few new friends I could add and I'm hesitating. I'm hesitating cuz I haven't necessarily told them what happened to me. And I don't necessarily want to tell them because I've learned that it's best to share that information with people I trust because people that don't know you can sometimes be unintentionally cruel.

I do like these people and I want to be friends with them but I have this deep-seated paranoia that they're going to start flipping through my Facebook profile to figure out why I have two different names and it feels very invasive. Then again they might not even think twice about it.

Facebook just complicated stuff.


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  • Widowed 2013
Re: Facebook...Ugh
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2018, 10:21:40 PM »
KK it's facebook.  Try not to let social media stress.  I actually call it fakebook. Don't do anything until you are ready.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.


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Re: Facebook...Ugh
« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2018, 06:51:59 AM »
Facebook was very accommodating about memorializing my husband's Facebook profile. A tequest and an obituary was all I needed. He never set anyone to have permissions to administer his account if anything happened. I didn't want to kill it or wipe him out. It was like saying he never existed. Doing this automatically alters your account because it changes your status. I then also changed a few things on my profile so I could continue my own interests and relationships.

On a whole however I don't post or participate as much as I used to - other people's content start to effect me as I watch people have happy fun lives and we struggle and are sad. Also the memories of the day can suck sometimes.

Definitely watch your permissions at first and limit your content access. Good luck how you decide to proceed.