Socializing > Social Encounters

Could use some prepared for rambling.....

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--- Quote from: jgib on January 03, 2018, 02:16:58 PM ---Why am I having so much trouble just being in the moment and enjoying what is happening?
--- End quote ---

Because nothing's simple now.  With exes and late spouses, with kids, with the loss of innocence regarding how bad it can hurt to lose someone we love (whether to death or a breakup) (I've been really stunned to learn that, despite my opinion that nothing can hurt like death, that I can still hurt really f'ing bad from relationship problems - and that's not even death or a breakup), with permanently remaining love for our lost loves, etc., etc.  It's super complicated.   Not just that, but all the worries and fears are normal - what if our differences are too great, what if someone gets hurt, what if I get excited and then disappointed? 

I'm glad you've found someone you like and who also likes you.  It's lovely.  I hope you will let yourself enjoy it as much as you can - my therapist used to say, "Allow yourself good feelings."

I don’t think this is for me.....I am feeling far too much pressure from him. 
He says he is willing to go slow but obviously his slow is too fast for me! 
Maybe I just am not feeling it for him as much as he is feeling it for me?  I feel manipulated to say and do things I don’t really want too.  It is not a good feeling.
Thanks for all your feedback about what I was experiencing, too bad it isn’t going to work out.

Think of it as a learning experience.  You are learning what you want and don't want. You're learning what you are able to give to a relationship as much as what you are ready to receive.  Dating should be about getting to know someone and seeing if it's a fit.  If it's not, no harm, no foul.

Of course I say this as someone who was not ready to date in any way post widow and fell into a relationship with someone from my past before I had a chance to even think about dating or what I might want in a future partner.  I lucked out but on paper, he would never have made it past a first look at his bio.


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