Author Topic: Starting to Tread the Deeper Waters ... between budding and fully committed ...  (Read 2446 times)

azjane

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Areneal, how's the moving going?

Virgo

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I need to catch up here. I think I'm the only one in the other  relationship thread.
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

arneal

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Hey there, Virgo -- a few of us are back and forth :)

azjane -- thank you for asking. I try to be organized when I move as I think I mentioned; keeping lists, time lines, and so on. BF is not quite into that and takes a more laid-back approach. I had the gentleman who does my yard come and take more stuff out of the garage; it is my hope to rearrange out there and make room for stuff, a vehicle, or something. He was late getting there yesterday so I was delayed getting to BF's. However, when I got there, he wasn't ready to move very much over and instead cooked dinner for us. We brought his personal vehicle (motorcycle) and the items from his garage over and stayed at the house. I drove him back today and he said he figures he can do most of it himself. I gave him some giant garbage bags to put linens and clothes in. He said he is expecting a few early days this week and will just pile up his work truck and come over. I gave him a set of keys. Told him I'd go back over and help him clean later in the week. It doesn't feel quite fully real yet and probably won't until we get into a regular weekday routine. He did tell his boss and coworkers he was moving out here and it is happening, so I guess it's real enough :) I look forward to having him here. It's nice to be with him regularly. Feels comfy and good.
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

Virgo

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These to me don't represent commitment, what makes me not know if I can be at 100% is that there is a part of me that I'm keeping to myself, that I'm not able to share right now.  Hope this makes some sense -

I just mentioned something similar in the other relationship thread. I think it's a defense mechanism because we're still guarded.
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

Virgo

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Congratulations Arneal! That is a big step. Best wishes to you both!
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

arneal

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Thank you! It wasn't a decision made under the most pleasant circumstances after the disagreement BF had with his daughter, but I am one of those people who doesn't get ruffled easily anymore by the issues in other people's families. That may sound cold but I do try my best to comfort when he seems to need it and otherwise listen or try to provide a response when he seems to want one. He seems settled with the decision as well so here we go. It is interesting that over the last couple of weeks since it happened, he shares so much with me, to the point of reading to me the text messages he's sent to his sister about it and such. Strange the things that cause us to open up.

To what trying2 said as well about opening up and sharing -- there are things, such as the bills I am taking care of that have sunk my credit over the past four years (when I stopped full time work outside the house to get my son situated in semi-independent living and to care for my LH after that), that I have not talked to him about. I do not expect him to give me money for bills that have nothing to do with him so I feel no 'requirement' to discuss them. We talked about how much he would contribute to the house bills and that's conversation enough. His contribution to the overall running of the house will enable me to use more of my regular income to get caught up and that of course is a blessing.
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

tybec

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Valentine's Day.

Should be a wonderful holiday, even if made up by marketing. 

DH and I would go out to eat, usually stay overnight somewhere.  We did SOMETHING.

NG and I last yr. went to see Bon Jovi, stayed in the "city."  It was great!

This year.  NG asked about an overnight cruise ride on the lakes with dinner, breakfast and eagle watching. So cool.  But too late. Didn't plan it timely, and I have my KID ALL the time. Not time to get him somewhere for the night.  New town, so not connected with friends yet to say, "Hey, can you keep my kid for the night?" Disappointed......

Will do something.  Dinner will be fine. But since I moved to the city where he lives, not one adult night away.
 I miss that.  He has his kids the next weekend. I am thrilled he brought it up.  There is that.... 


arneal

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I get it, tybec. My birthday is Monday; I talk about celebrating my special day all month but some friends mention its proximity to Valentine's Day. I don't connect it with Valentine's Day as I've never had a truly romantic bone in my body LOL. I have only mentioned my birthday to BF and that I'd like to go to the dine-in movie theatre to see Black Panther this week to celebrate. He was all-in and said yeah, that would be part of my birthday gift. I have grown to like surprises over the years so I am curious what the other part will be!

I find myself in the position of being in need though. Here I am, supposed to be helping him move and due to a banking snafu I can't get any money. Not even to put gas in my car. What a position to be in a couple days before my birthday, right? I was supposed to ride over tonight, help pack and probably stay to help load up and bring items here tomorrow, and the farthest I need to go is down the block to the gas station. I tried transferring from my back-up accounts and that process takes like two business days, meaning I probably won't see my own money until Tuesday. Ugh. So I swallowed my pride and texted him to ask if he would transfer me some money for gas. He didn't have his personal mobile phone with him but said he would certainly do so when he got home; I apologized for needing to ask and he came back immediately that no apology was needed. However, so not me. I typically do without if I can't do on my own. Oh, well. To new things all round.

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

tybec

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Arneal,

What a stressful way to have NG move in and your funds be tied up!  I hope you can find a way to commemorate your birthday, the Valentines day if that is your thing, AND moving in together.

I am thankful to have a person to spend some time with on Valentine's day.  I know it is a prescribed marketed holiday, but I am okay with it if it makes folks take the time to do something a little special.  We all know time is not guaranteed, but life gets busy, and we don't take the time. 

Those few years without anyone were so difficult. I got invited to the over 55 Valentine's dinner at church.  I became a widow at 42.  I was not happy about that.  I know they were trying to be inclusive.  Us young widow/widowers don't fit anywhere.  Anyway....


arneal

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I totally get that, tybec. I was widowed the first time at 30. Certainly didn't fit in anywhere. Second time in my mid-40s. The 'black widow' jokes? Yep, got them. Ugh.

Yeah, BF and I talked last night. He is going to load up his truck and come this way then give me some $. I told him I feel silly and he had already texted that I had no reason to. He asked me why and I said I always have gas money at least! We talked about banking and the inherent issues and that was it. He isn't stressed about getting it done so I won't be either. I slept in, am still in my robe, and am going to have a leisurely morning.

I have a friend who does dipped berries. I have some in the fridge so there's a small Valentines thing. I said I wanted to see Black Panther this coming week and BF said absolutely and that going to the dine-in theatre would be part of my birthday. It will be good.

Happy weekend everyone!
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

trying2breathe

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Thankful to be in a relationship and to celebrate Valentine's this year also - not sure what we'll do and it's not important as long as we're together. It is such a commercial holiday, haven't been too bothered by it other than the first year that I was widowed.  After that it seemed to get easier to laugh at the force fed falseness of it - it's nice to celebrate love but to do it the Hallmark way - meh.  Got us tickets to see a play at a theatre we've been talking about, maybe not such a romantic gift - hope he likes it.

I too was invited to the church singles group and felt so out of place as I was far younger than anybody there.  Attended a grief group at church and was the youngest one, got plenty of pity which made things even worse.

Hope your birthday is a good one, arneal.
Have I told you lately how much I love you?

arneal

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Thanks trying2; I went to a grief group after the first husband died. It was a nightmare because I was one of the youngest ones there but many of the others around the table had dealt with loved ones in hospice. They spoke of happy marriages and relationships; me, not so much. I only went once I think.

I am not the mushy type but I do have a card for BF that he doesn't know about for Valentine's Day. My family (Mom, Dad -- I am an only) was always one to make holidays fun by getting really awful cards for each other. You know the ones that rhyme and have the giant flowers on the front? The uglier the better. It was a hoot. I got BF a funny card to get him into how I do these sorts of things :)

The birthday has been quiet. I went out to the store and did a bit of food shopping, managed to avoid work until now and am not planning on doing too much if I can help it! BF came home early (had a cap fall off his tooth) and is watching the Olympics (or maybe they are watching him ... he was very tired as we did quite a bit of moving yesterday). He is giving me some things for the game we play, which is cute. Also, when we were moving things out of his room at the apartment yesterday, he gave me a silver ring he'd found many years ago. He said it didn't fit him but how about it fit perfectly on my ring finger? Crazy!
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b

klim

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Valentines day.... Last year I had only been dating for a little over a month. NG treated me very nicely taking me out to one of the top restaurants in the city.....and as we know those restaurants up the price for Valentines day alot!!!     I totally appreciated but admittedly my personality and upbringing made me think what a waste of money.......so I'm in charge this year. I'm going to cook  a fancy dinner for him...I told him he is in charge of flowers.

PS. We still go out for fancy dinners, I just thought it would be smart( economically) to avoid Valentines day.

Virgo

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My LH and I didn't celebrate Valentine's day. We celebrated dates special to us. Our first date, day we got engaged, and our wedding anniversary. We spoiled our daughters for Valentine's day.  I hope all of you have a nice day with your guys. 💗
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

arneal

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Oh, the cost of commercial holidays  ::) let's not even go there!

BF and I went on an overnight excursion last year to a beach town I'd never been to. He wanted me to see it and I long for the ocean every day, so it was a great idea. I got the hotel room and he paid for everything else -- parking, food. We went to this Italian restaurant and laughed about needing a second mortgage to pay for the meal. He didn't blink (much! lol!) and paid it. I was driving my broken sedan at the time and wouldn't you know it, it decided not to start. We worked at it and fussed about it for nearly a half-hour. Fortunately, the parking attendant didn't charge us extra and if I remember correctly, I finally got it running. I was so upset, shaken, and embarrassed. However, no more of that, thankfully.

He is still moving in but spent his first full night here on Sunday. It was interesting on Monday morning, getting up with him, starting the coffee, grabbing things for his lunch bag, telling him what I had planned for dinner. He had an issue with his tooth as I mentioned and when he texted me to say that the cap fallen off, he wrote 'I am coming home', which was heartwarming to me.

I don't expect to do much tomorrow but will give him the card I got :)
Andree'

Seek peace, and pursue it - Psalm 34:14b