Time Frame > Shock Wears Off, Reality Sets In ( 6 to 12 months)

Intro, new here, 6 months today, not sure WTF I'm doing...

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Captains wife:
I'm so so sorry...There is no other way to say it - the  initial widow period is complete hell and it doesn't help when others don't know how to react so they disappear. Had similar issues and I was very isolated. You also have a lot on your plate with a job and many kids. I think we can just do the best we can when we are suffering like this - please don't be hard on yourself and take one day at a time. There were days when I was initially widowed (my loss was sudden) that I literally acted crazy - and I was trying to raise a 9mth old. Yes taking care of the kids needs will help keep you going (it did for me) but please do self care. By that I mean - if you feel like tv binging and ordering in...do it and turn it into a family activity. What kept me relatively sane in the early period (and I'm now almost 6 years out) was to keep busy (work, being active like kick boxing helped), isolate yourself when you need to but I also found being with the right people and asking for help did help and maybe consider a grief therapist (someone you can cry and say anything to- that really helped me). Wishing you all the best - none of it is easy so please go easy on yourself.

Thank you all. I've been in grief counseling since Justin passed. What's has helped is that my therapist lost her first husband to cancer after 4 weeks post-diagnosis, so she DOES understand. I'm also on medication. So I'm doing everything I'm "supposed" to be doing, I do have a very close group of good friends who would do anything for me, and i try to see them often, and I'm being as present for the kids as possible. I know WHAT I'm supposed to do, just nothing makes ME feel any better. I guess that's just the power of grief, and it sucks, all the time. It's often harder to be educated on all of this, doing all the "right" things, being that person who used to have all her shit together, because now depression has engulfed me, and I know I'm doing what I need to do, and it's not helping. Or maybe it is, but it's not enough. I have to keep reminding myself that there is no timeframe. But as time moves on, I feel as though people think I should be doing better (mostly my boss and coworkers). Feeling like a failure doesn't help break the cycle.

Keep doing what you know you are supposed to do, it doesn't make you feel better until it does. You are not a failure you have successfully endured day after day of one of the worst things that can happen to someone.

My wife's death was like a massive arctic storm that descended on the landscape of my life covering everything with a sadness so deep it made all of life cold and bleak. After 14 months I am just beginning to see small shoots of joy poke out of the soil as the winter of grief gives way to spring. But I still feel the cold of winter pouring down from the ice covered peaks.

I think I am still in shock. Struggling to come to terms with what was at once the best and worst year of my life, and so I just feel nothing but sadness and confusion. My best days were when I basically feel nothing. And I fear that this is how I will be forever. Completely apathetic, unable to care about anything or really anyone. Of course I love my kids, but I'm still in a haze. Maybe people with longer history than ours had ups and downs. Justin and I only had ups, and we just kept rising in our love, it was unbelievable and people still comment to me how amazing it was to watch. We both had been through so much in our pasts that in finding one another we were on cloud nine, all of the time. No fights, no irritations, no stress, just a really cool life. We had so many plans and dreams, and I was just adjusting to it all and taking it all in and I truly never thought I would ever be that happy and loved. There is no question that he and I were soulmates. Once in a lifetime kind of love. We had a blast every day. He taught me to love life, and now I hate life. And I absolutely HATE that I hate everything. Depression isn't something I'm used to, but now I get it. Every day I have to work so hard to just get out of bed. Half the days I just get the kids off to school and go back to our bed. Just venting, not really sure my point, LOL. But what leadfeather said rings true...endless winter.


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