Author Topic: agh what am I doing?!  (Read 9781 times)

BrokenHeart2

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Re: agh what am I doing?!
« Reply #30 on: March 31, 2015, 09:37:02 PM »
Yay Mrs Dan!!!  Congratulations to you! 
Big giant hugs!
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

marian1953

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Re: agh what am I doing?!
« Reply #31 on: March 31, 2015, 11:08:22 PM »
Mrs.Dan, I really did not expect any different outcome. Now your choice! You will make the best one, that I know.
Marian
congratulations!

injo

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Re: agh what am I doing?!
« Reply #32 on: April 01, 2015, 03:30:41 AM »
MrsDan, congratulations!! You will have a lot of thinking to do, the thing is the decision will be all yours!(that is both good and difficult I guess)
Wish you lots of wisdom!

Carey

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Re: agh what am I doing?!
« Reply #33 on: April 01, 2015, 07:17:48 AM »
Yay!! I'm so happy for you!
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

Lmsmdm

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Re: agh what am I doing?!
« Reply #34 on: April 01, 2015, 08:37:29 AM »
Congrats!!!
You hate me don't you? Yup, so much I married you twice! :)

littlebirdie

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Re: agh what am I doing?!
« Reply #35 on: April 01, 2015, 09:01:14 AM »
That's fantastic! I'm so happy for you. :)

lcoxwell

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Re: agh what am I doing?!
« Reply #36 on: April 01, 2015, 01:16:50 PM »
That's such exciting news! I am happy for you.
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.

azjane

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Re: agh what am I doing?!
« Reply #37 on: April 01, 2015, 02:16:32 PM »
Congratulations!

rifatheroffour

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Re: agh what am I doing?!
« Reply #38 on: April 01, 2015, 02:35:55 PM »
Congratulations!
Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us everyday.
Unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed and very dear.

Baylee627

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Re: agh what am I doing?!
« Reply #39 on: April 01, 2015, 02:54:47 PM »
Congrats, missy! You deserve this. Enjoy your moment---you did it!!!

Baylee
Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion--Dylan Thomas

A Tout Jamais

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Re: agh what am I doing?!
« Reply #40 on: April 01, 2015, 03:26:56 PM »



Well Done, MrsDan!!

May the road ahead be paved with success and contentment!

ATJ

"Tu n'es plus là où tu étais, mais tu es partout là où je suis."
~~ Victor Hugo

"Je me souviens de toi ... Je me souviens de nous  - Il était une fois -  Je me souviens de tout!"

MrsDan

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Re: agh what am I doing?!
« Reply #41 on: April 01, 2015, 03:34:01 PM »
I am speaking with them this evening, and hopefully they will actually give me a number to help make my decision. Do I want the job? A very good question, although in my case I'm wondering how relevant it actually is. The fact is, I really don't do anything because I want to. Every day I get up because I have to. I have to take care of DD. This job *may* help me do that better. I don't know. There is a certain amount of risk in it that makes me uncomfortable. But I know that the current situation is not sustainable. She needs more time with me. She needs me to not be so rushed and impatient during that time. I'm worried that if I do this, it will be a very hard transition for her. She needs her grandparents but she also needs more time with me. Which does she need more? I don't know, not really. I feel like I'm sort of taking a  guess in some respects. Because I've looked at all t he facts and this seems like the right move but the reality is I don't trust my own judgment anymore.

I do think the dogs will benefit more immediately, if I can make this work. I found a community very close to the job that seems to have affordable rentals (which I would probably do for a year) and homes for purchase. Basically two extra hours a day with them. They will miss my IL's. Who I told Monday, btw. I wanted to wait until I got the offer but they were going out of town this week and I wanted to tell them in person. They took it better than I thought they would, although I'm sure they went home and cried. I have to tell my mom tonight.

When I talk to the new job tonight, I'm going to have to explain that I am an only parent. That I have family in the area to help and will arrange for back up care ASAP. But there may be times, for example if DD wakes up with a high fever that I have to attend to her needs straight away. They told me that it's typically a 9-5 job, but there may be times when I'm called upon to work late. I can tell them I will make those accommodations, but I need there to be some reciprocity there. I realize it could squash the whole deal, but that is the reality and I need to be upfront about it.

I don't know if I'm more nervous about talking to them or telling my mother.
You are the Bear of my heart dear,
And nothing can take that away.

MrsT85

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Re: agh what am I doing?!
« Reply #42 on: April 01, 2015, 04:25:39 PM »
Congrats on getting the job!  I know you're wickedly intelligent, so I'm not at all surprised :)

Good luck all the next steps.  I just moved from one apartment in the city to another and it was a beast, I can only imagine what an undertaking it will be to move to a different state with a little one and two doggies in tow.  But I bet getting to spend more time with your daughter will make it so very worth it, and that she will (and you, hopefully!) will benefit greatly by being around your BIL and his family.

I'm so proud of you!  You're one impressive lady, MrsDan!
Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face

Do You Realize??

01/12/1977-04/06/2013

A Tout Jamais

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Re: agh what am I doing?!
« Reply #43 on: April 01, 2015, 05:26:26 PM »
Quote
I don't know, not really. I feel like I'm sort of taking a guess in some respects. Because I've looked at all t he facts and this seems like the right move but the reality is I don't trust my own judgment anymore.

MrsDan,

In the final analysis, everything we undertake is guesswork to some extent. Every major decision we make carries an inherent risk, and there are no guarantees, as we full well know. I can understand your conundrum in first and foremost having your daughter's best interest at heart.

If I read you correctly, your primary objective is to strike the right balance here, which is not always easy to assess. Below are some quotes about risk taking and balance:

"The biggest risk is not taking any risk..."
~~ Mark Zuckerberg


There is some truth to that assertion, but it also depends on individual circumstances. And there is also a difference between blanket risk taking and calculated risk taking. I always did a cost/benefit analysis, carefully weighing the pros vs. the cons by making a detailed list of all factors involved. That helped me to get a better overview and brought me closer to making my final decision.

When we lay it all out in writing - both pros and cons - sometimes, after careful review, we find that some of the things we initially considered more important begin to slightly shift when seen in totality, or "minor" items take on greater importance. It's like looking at the whole quilt instead of just a few patches. OR, it can indeed confirm your initial assessment and inclination.

I believe  that what you are seeking here is "Balance". Some time ago I read this quote:

"To acquire balance means to achieve that happy medium
between the minimum and the maximum which represents your optimum.

The minimum is the least you can get by with.
The maximum is the most you're capable of.

The optimum is the amount or degree of anything
that is most favorable toward the ends you desire."

~~ Nido Qubein

You have to ask yourself what is Your 'OPTIMUM' - that which brings you closer to your desired end result?? What allows you to obtain or retain the most important and critical factors??

Nothing is ever 100% perfect, but careful consideration of ALL vital elements can bring you closer to your decision. And sometimes, even if it looks right on paper, but you still have an uneasy feeling inside about something, I always went with my intuition, which mostly guided me in the right direction.

When you talk to your prospective employer again, lay out ALL of the items that are of critical importance and concern to you and see if they are willing/able to accommodate you. As the saying goes: "The devil lies in the details!" If both parties can come together in having their essential needs met, and there is some flexibility, then it should make it a lot easier for you to decide.

Best of luck to you!

ATJ  :)
« Last Edit: May 17, 2016, 01:02:39 PM by A Tout Jamais »
"Tu n'es plus là où tu étais, mais tu es partout là où je suis."
~~ Victor Hugo

"Je me souviens de toi ... Je me souviens de nous  - Il était une fois -  Je me souviens de tout!"

JeanGenie

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Re: agh what am I doing?!
« Reply #44 on: April 01, 2015, 06:07:18 PM »
Mrs Dan,
Congratulations on the job offer and good luck this evening with your negotiation with them.  As ATJ stated, there's inherent risk in all major decisions, just weigh your options and think about what is best for YOU and DD.  Good luck!!
I miss how happy I was with you.