Time Frame > Newly Widowed (1 day to 6 months)

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It's been just over four months since I lost my wife, Lori. I go through a range of emotions. Sometimes, going from devastation to being pissed to complete numbness. Then, I remember her smile and the loving, beautiful woman she was and I cry tears of thankfulness that she is no longer in any physical or emotional pain. After she passed, a good friend of mine needed a place to stay, so he moved in. (He's also a widower) It has helped tremendously to have someone there who knows exactly what I'm going through. He knew my wife and is very understanding of my emotional roller coaster. I rented a storage space to put the king size bed in and her clothes and am taking on a new project (no matter how small) every weekend. It has helped me to get things in order at my own pace and not feel rushed. I'm seeing a grief counselor once a week, which has seemed to help. We had met on Christmas Eve 2008, so the holidays were pretty tough. I'm not looking forward to March (her birthday) or April (our anniversary), though part of me wants to just get them over with so my anxiety will at least subside. I still get the sinking feeling when I wake up and not see her next to me. One of the projects I work on a little at a time is her ash container. She always loved the Tree Of Life and I wood burned it on the lid, along with butterflies, which she loved.

So sorry you have joined us here Loxlie. It's great you have a friend so close to you who understands. Being able to connect to other people in that way helps the process, I feel. All the range of feelings are normal especially in the beginning when you try to find your new normal and try to survive your first year of firsts. You are right though - the build up anxiety to big days are a lot worse than the actual day. Sounds like you have some good support and a plan in place - survival for us is a daily work in progress. Vent if you need to and keep reading. It really helps for the mental processing of our situations. Hugs to you today!

Welcome to our group that no one wants to need.  Having someone who understands what you are going through is a big help, if nothing else it lets you know you aren't crazy when the emotions get erratic.  I always found that the anticipation of those important dates was much harder than the actual day.  When the date arrives you realize it's just a day, hard and unpredictable like any other.
The ash container sounds beautiful, what a wonderful tribute to put your heart into creating.

Welcome, Loxlie to this group and sorry that you find yourself here.  It is a big help to have somebody with you that understands, and I hope that this site brings added comfort too. 


I am very sorry for the loss of your wife.  This site has been very helpful to me in the time since my wife passed away last month.  It is comforting to know that others have walked the path that we are now on and made it through.  I pray that you find peace and comfort in the days ahead. 


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