Specific Situations > Young Widowed Parents

The young males

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Wow, LeadFeather, I need to read that book. Not sure if I totally understand what Peterson is saying but it does make me think. 

My youngest isn't speaking to me and my oldest bought his own food and I am going minute by minute. I hate stress and confrontation but I need to do what is best. 

Thanks, everyone, I do need the support in this.

First,  my son is only eight.  I have no right to post here, but do so with a large grain of salt attached... 

I have a good friend who gives good advice and who is, more often than not, correct about things I can't see quite yet;  it is her gift.  :) She always says, the very first rule, is to remove yourself from the situation as completely as you can.  "It's not about you and your feelings and all the things that happened to you in the past that make this 'something.'"  In other words, objectively, what does your son need?  What will help him be successful?  And it's okay to do nothing while he struggles.  You are not responsible for his feelings or happiness (again...it's "you" in there)  You are allowed to support him while he figures it out.    My friend's advice has been helpful in so many circumstances...it allowed me to feel the right to post here, as I think I may be using the same words to guide me later, when he is older.

When I was eighteen,  I was allowed to live at home if I was going to school full time.  When I took a semester off to save money for a trip to Europe, I paid rent.  $400.00 a month.  (This was a long time ago!)  I put forth the argument that if I was paying rent, I was free to come and go as I please, which was hard to accept, but they did.  It was fair on both sides.  The best part was, the money went into an account which would pay for tuition, if I returned to school, or would be a holiday fund for my parents, if I did not.  :)


Good luck to you, and to them!


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