Author Topic: Just Writing  (Read 316 times)

James

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  • Posts: 16
Just Writing
« on: February 01, 2018, 12:44:15 AM »
It's been awhile, but when I was at my lowest this forum was there to pull me through.  Thanks again to the creators and mods.  THIS IS A BIG DEAL.

One year anniversary is upon me.  On the positive side it can't be worse than Christmas.  It's just a date.  i was SLOWLY rebuilding, decided not to die, but haven't decided to live.  I'm trying to find my purpose now.  Then Christmas was arriving and I started sinking.  All of the traditions and happy times with her.  She had an overflowing heart filled with goodness.  Tears flowing.

So I sank down into the pit. It took weeks to crawl back out and stabilize.  And now the 1 year is upon me.  I know to just take each day as it comes.  What is "normal" when one half of you was ripped away and you lie in a pool of blood?  So you take each day and try to improve just a little.

I am grateful to have this forum.  You my brothers and sisters are the only ones who CAN understand the full meaning of the word:  LOSS

BrokenHeart2

  • Member
  • Posts: 1027
  • Widowed 2013
Re: Just Writing
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2018, 03:18:11 AM »
Yes James, at almost 5 yrs I remember feeling just as you described. 
Hugs to you.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

Eddienhp

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  • Posts: 112
  • Cancer Widow November 2011
Re: Just Writing
« Reply #2 on: February 02, 2018, 06:52:53 AM »
James,

I am just over 6 years out. How I remember those early days. Days so unbearable I couldn't wait to sleep. I nearly had enough energy to move.

I can say it is survivable. It will get better. There will always be a place where your love resides. It sounds strange but somehow we become able to live in the present with our loved ones in our minds and hearts at all times.

Sending you strength
Eileen
My life is better because you were in it. You encouraged me to stretch my wings. I will forever be grateful. Rest in Peace Babe. Till we meet again.

beth_krkswidow

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  • Posts: 231
Re: Just Writing
« Reply #3 on: February 09, 2018, 07:26:21 PM »
Perfect perfect description...

Decided not to die, but haven't decided to live.

Perfect. And NObody outside the widowed understands that. For a year I actively wanted to be in the ground with him. I wanted to drive off a cliff.
Somewhere close to a year i came to where you are now. Decided not to die but hadn't decided to live
At 20 months, I  find joy in some parts of living.  So that is different.  It's progressing I suppose. Still haven't figured out a REASON to live. He was my reason to live.
So sorry you're in this hell with the rest of us
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

James

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  • Posts: 16
Re: Just Writing
« Reply #4 on: February 16, 2018, 11:42:22 PM »
James,

I am just over 6 years out. How I remember those early days. Days so unbearable I couldn't wait to sleep. I nearly had enough energy to move.

I can say it is survivable. It will get better. There will always be a place where your love resides. It sounds strange but somehow we become able to live in the present with our loved ones in our minds and hearts at all times.

Sending you strength
Eileen
  Not strange.  Before Christmas I was starting to concentrate on the love in my heart for her.  Thanks for all who replied, I just need to write sometimes.

James

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  • Posts: 16
Re: Just Writing
« Reply #5 on: February 16, 2018, 11:47:49 PM »
I had a weird dream last night.  I was walking down the stairs and there was a small pile of dust with a dustpan and broom next to it.  I was staring at it and thinking "why did someone leave that there?"  Then as I was waking up I said, because you're gone and you aren't coming back.  Unfinished.  Loss.