Socializing > Social Encounters

Dating as a widow parent of young kids

(1/2) > >>

Hi. So anyone have any advice on dating as a youngish widow parent of young kids? Late husband passed over a year ago and I have a 5 year old and am finding dating awkward. I started dating someone exclusively but it's so different being a widow compared to other single parents. Not being able to spend the night or be spontaneous. I feel like I am in high school. Need to get a sitter or if family babysits still feeling odd like I am breaking a rule or something. Sorry if this is the wrong place for this. It's hard to find other widows with young kids to relate to.

I'm not dating yet, and these are some of the reasons why.....  It just feels weird....  My kids are 17 and 14, so they are hesitant to consider seeing mom with a new man, and I feel weird bringing someone new around them..... 

Keep communication open - and remember that you don't have to wear the "widow" label forever - if you want to be single and dating, embrace that! 

I told my kids the absolute minimum. They knew I was dating but I didn’t give details as to who.

I learned this the hard way - I brought one woman home to spend time with them way too early in the relationship. My youngest bonded a little with her and when it didn’t work out she was crushed. I felt terrible but it was a good lesson.

As for using family as a babysitter, I did that as well. You’re not breaking any rules and at over a year out I would hop they would understand that.

With all that said it is certainly tougher to date when you’re the only parent. Best of luck!

It’s very different dating as a widow than as a divorced person. We don’t get every other weekend kid free so there are the logistics of getting a babysitter, the cost of the babysitter, you have to tell your kids something because they know you are going out, the guilt that you are leaving them home, and no easy way to have over night alone time with a new partner.

My kids were older when I started dating and not ready for it. I did a lot of sneaking around and lying about where I was going. I made some mistakes and my kids made things really hard.  It requires a lot of patience and understanding from the person you are dating.  With time it got better.

My kids were 10/11 when I started dating. I also didn't share much other than I was dating. My kids didn't meet any of my dates at any time. After I knew I was in it for the long haul with my now wife, my boys met her and I met her children.

At no time did we stay over at each other's place when the kids were around (which was most of the time :) ) before we were married. We wanted to model good examples as much as possible. Yeah - it sucked.  ::)

Yes, it is hard - our lives are much more complicated than they were when we single folks the first time around.

No real advice for you but, it's doable - but takes a boatload of planning. Oh, one thing - until you have determined you have met *The One*, don't have him meet the kids. It needlessly can complicate everything if it goes bad.

Good luck - Mike


[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version