Author Topic: Am I justified in feeling offended?  (Read 606 times)


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Re: Am I justified in feeling offended?
« Reply #15 on: March 10, 2018, 09:33:36 PM »

He really is an interesting character.

When I met him, he walked around his studio apartment in a down coat and winter cap when it was 20 degrees outside because he would only turn the heat on for an hour a day. He wouldn't run the a/c in his car because it used too much fuel. Still today he shares a phone plan and digital newspaper subscription with his brother, doesn't own a TV, and hates consumerism. If he buys produce that doesn't taste the way he likes, he takes it back. I never knew he came from such wealth until a couple years ago he started complaining that he felt his mother was giving away too much money and he is afraid he won't get his share.

Goodness, this guy is a lunatic. You've given many examples and besides, although you describe him as a friend, he doesn't act like it.

Unload him and uncomplicate your life.

He takes more from you than he adds.

Good luck - Mike
The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped. (Proverbs 11:25)


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Re: Am I justified in feeling offended?
« Reply #16 on: March 10, 2018, 10:32:05 PM »
Widow humor....hahaha Jeudi, you kill me!
"Wouldn't gaming the system be if you, for instance, married several men that you murdered so you could collect their social security ( after waiting until you turned 60 of course)." hahaha too much lol
Abitlost, doesn't sound like you'd be losing much of a friend if you ask me! He sounds like he's not a well person.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.


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Re: Am I justified in feeling offended?
« Reply #17 on: March 11, 2018, 09:50:23 AM »
Gee, what a “shocker” that someone who wants for nothing (it’s his choice to do without not actual need) is resentful of the pittance you are receiving from the government. That would be like me being pissed I never had kids but pay taxes towards public schools. Something I have never felt because I actually understand what it means to be a member of society, that none of us stands completely alone, we are ALL inter-connected and should ALL be concerned for our fellow man because it benefits us in so many ways both hidden and obvious. That kind of myopic vision always astounds me. It shows a lack of logical thinking - and no ability whatever to have sympathy or empathy for another’s predicament.

And to whine that his mother is spending HER money before he can inherit it, even though he did NOTHING to deserve it is hilarious to me. The man has no sense of the absurd at all.

As for our country’s social welfare programs / SS- they are such a tiny drop in the bucket, even with all the ‘abuses’ going on, compared to the rest of the country’s budget. And even though as a childless widow I get nothing, I don’t resent those with children, though I too lost the family breadwinner when my husband died. Because, again, what is so terribly immoral and horrible about making sure everyone is being taken care of? Even when they don’t ‘deserve’ it.

Okay. jumping off my soapbox now. As usual, what he thinks about you has nothing to do with you whatsoever and everything to do with his own issues. Decide, as best you can, not to take it personally, because it’s really not. But it sure sounds super annoying!
It is a fearful thing to love what Death can touch.


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Re: Am I justified in feeling offended?
« Reply #18 on: March 11, 2018, 01:06:03 PM »
There's a reason this syphilis-dripping ass-maggot is alone. Just sayin' ;D Let him wallow in his misery.


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Re: Am I justified in feeling offended?
« Reply #19 on: March 11, 2018, 02:07:04 PM »
He is a jerk. you need friends who build you up not tear you down.

"You have the right and responsibility to surround yourself with people who are good for the best part of you."

Jordan B Peterson - Good Friend vs. Bad Friend
Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
-Corrie Ten Boom


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Re: Am I justified in feeling offended?
« Reply #20 on: March 11, 2018, 04:26:03 PM »
How sad.  Have you ever been so blunt as to say, "If you keep this up, we won't be associating with one another any more" ?

I get him, really. I'm cheap, too. My ancestors weren't prosperous enough to accrue any wealth like that. The system was set up to care for widows and orphans.

I had a roommate in college who told me she might not  have been able to afford college if her father hadn't died; the SS benefits were more, she said, than her father would have ever saved.

I had another friend whose father had been declared dead some years before.  She received a letter from the Social Security administration stating that they had uncovered new information that her father was alive, and that her benefits were being terminated. Back then SS paid through college up to the age of 22, I think.

I don't think I'll be getting married again, myself.  Significant other is being treated for cancer.  Although a spouse isn't responsible for other debts, where I live, they can be held accountable for medical bills.
« Last Edit: March 11, 2018, 04:28:39 PM by faye »


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Re: Am I justified in feeling offended?
« Reply #21 on: March 11, 2018, 07:22:02 PM »
I have been pointing out his peculiarities and offenses, but there is much intelligence and fun times with this guy, too, which is why I have been friends with him. I have, for the third time now, very clearly expressed that I won't tolerate his treatment of me, given clear examples, and told him I was stepping away from the friendship because of it. He is trying hard to convince me not to terminate the friendship, promising to change. I am not convinced that he can change, or that I should reconsider given the history. I have no such issues with any other relationship in my life, and this is a drain.

He never treated me this way when DH was alive, and in recent years, despite my warnings, his behavior has declined. I'm kind of wondering if it is tied either to mental illness (which runs in his family, with his brother being on SS Disability because of it - ironic when you consider his feelings on SS Survivor's Benefits) or a biological change in the brain due to aging. A few years ago he had an MRI done which showed more atrophy than the neurologist would expect for someone of his age. Neither of those things justify his behavior, but they would explain it.


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Re: Am I justified in feeling offended?
« Reply #22 on: March 12, 2018, 12:23:16 AM »
THAT is no friend of yours......