Time Frame > Beyond the First Year (1+ years)

Third year anni approaching

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It's been almost three years now. Both our anniversary (March 15) as the anni of his death (April 15) are due in several weeks. This time of the year is still really tough to get through. I am mostly okay during the other months (except for December), but March and April are rough. I thought I'd reach our for some support. Thanks for letting me share!


Hi Ruth
I certainly get what you are saying.  For myself, I have learned its usually the anticipation of the date that was worse than the actual date. At least for me I discovered this on the 3rd sadiversary.  We are all different in our grief.
Gentle hugs to you on this difficult time of the year.

Hi Ruth.

So sorry.  So sorry.  His birthday was worse than even Christmas for me.  I'm so sorry you have those 2 dates, his birthday and sadiversary coming up.  I wish I had words of wisdom.  I don't.  It sucks.  I try to tell myself he is worth all the pain.  That doesn't help at all.  But it is true.  True... but not helpful.  Warm hugs and so very sorry.

Thank you both for your kind reply.

Venting some things...

I miss Michael. I'm struggling more and more with his death. The way he died, knowing all the details now, makes it even worse. I've made some peace with losing our unborn daugther, but not with him. He is still so very much in my heart and mind and especially these days and weeks... I miss him till it hurts excruciately. I want him here. I want to feel his arms around me and feel safe again. I can't even explain how much it hurts to have lost him. I can barely explain what we had. This all tangled up relationship with so many twists and difficulties. And yet, so much love. So much limitless love. An ocean full of it. We loved each other passionately. We loved each other even when we hated each other. It was a lot. And him dying on me is a lot. Still. It's been almost three years, but it could have been yesterday. It's heart-wrenching, soul-destroying grief. There's nothing left to say. We've said it all. We were one. We were one. We were one. And now he is gone and I am left here and I'm so tired of feeling so much grief over this. I'm okish most time of the year, but then March comes around and I am a wreck again. March and April are impossible for me. It gets a bit better once we're mid-May. I'm tired. I'm hurting. I'm alone. Without the love of my life. He won't come back. He won't be here. I won't get him back. Ever. And it hurts so very very much. 

Yup, I completely get it.  I remember feeling exactly the same.  Vent away Ruth, get it out.  It hurts like hell and I remember very early out and held onto this because it helped during those dark times.  "If you're going through hell just keep going".


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