Time Frame > Beyond Active Grieving

Family Obligations

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I am remarried and I now have 3 families to consider at holidays, mine, new DH's family and my late husband's family.  My current husband has hosted Christmas Eve and Easter for my late husband's family with me, and while a little odd for him it's all good.  His kids love having extra cousins!  That being said I say no when I need to. I have 2 adult children who spent Thanksgiving with their Dad's family while youngest son went to my new inlaws with us and enjoys his new step cousins.

I think you do what's comfortable for you and based on the type of relationship you have with them.  Maybe a big sweeping declaration is not necessary but take it Holiday by holiday and say "this year for x holiday I plan to spend it x place".

Seven years out and six years into a new relationship, still see my in-laws with the children (12 and 9) a couple of times a year, and the children see them another time or two (they live far away). I guess I'm lucky in that I love them, and they have always treated me like family even after I met someone else, which is something I'm grateful for. They are just lovely people who have lost so much. Your children are adults, so as others have said, they can continue to see the in-laws without you, and also as others have said, it depends on your relationship with them. We do some holidays together, some not, and that seems to work OK on a case by case basis.


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