Author Topic: Work? Bawk!  (Read 1703 times)


  • Member
  • Posts: 31
Work? Bawk!
« on: March 27, 2015, 08:02:38 PM »
Maybe not work, but my chosen career? I don't know if I'm cut out for it anymore. I'm still like a bleeding baby gazelle after almost 3 years. And Government work/ kinda politics is no place to be showing an open wound.

Before. Before the bottom of my world fell out, I came home to a happy love bubble. Always made everthing OK.  I also had the fierce motivation to keep the income train rolling. My DH was worth every sling and arrow.

My late mother-in-law always would say "you make money like a man". Never figured out if it was a compliment or a condemnation.

I knew how to work and succeed as a wife. No f-ing clue how to manage it as a widow with no motivation.

So  Any one feel the same? Anyone have advice?

Now I have loved you like a baby,
Like some lonesome child.
I have loved you in a tame way,
And I have loved you wild.

Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours. KLM 7/11/55 to 4/24/12


  • Member
  • Posts: 406
  • widowed 5/20/12
Re: Work? Bawk!
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2015, 08:09:11 PM »
I recently changed industries (though I'm still doing something similar). I didn't feel like I was challenged at my old job, and found it impossible to have any motivation, especially since Squish passed away. 

Starting fresh has really helped me to feel inspired and motivated.  Maybe you need to get out of the current industry you're in?
Gone but not Squish.

Miss you forever baby girl, my Pru!


  • Member
  • Posts: 75
Re: Work? Bawk!
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2015, 08:14:55 PM »
Maybe not work, but my chosen career? I don't know if I'm cut out for it anymore.
So  Any one feel the same? Anyone have advice?

Raising my hands for feeling the same. I've always worked with children and loved it but these past few months have been trying for me. I am starting to feel like I'm just not cut out for this anymore. It is very rewarding but also requires A LOT of patience which I seem to not have since Alex died.

The idea of doing something different scares me but at the same time I feel completely burnt out.
There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God.
 For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his. - Hebrews 4:7-8
Alex 1/31/91-7/19/12


  • Member
  • Posts: 1176
  • Widowed x 2.
Re: Work? Bawk!
« Reply #3 on: March 27, 2015, 08:27:54 PM »
I left a lucrative 26 year career 9 months after my first husband died.  My second husband completely supported the idea of "retiring" and thinking about a second career.  I went back to school, got a second Bachelor's degree and now I am in a Master's program in Higher Education Student Affairs.  I won't finish this degree until December of 2016.  By then, it will be about 6 1/2 years since I was substantially employed.  That part is scaring me a bit, but in the mean time, I do work as a graduate assistant and I will also have practicums before I graduate and I'm acclimating to being back in a work environment.

It is scary to leave what you know, it is scary to start something new, but it was something I just felt compelled to do.

Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness


  • Member
  • Posts: 119
Re: Work? Bawk!
« Reply #4 on: March 28, 2015, 12:00:49 AM »
I think I like your late mother in law.  She was complimenting you, not insulting you.

The women in my my family have always worked.  In education, the medical field, finance. Not sure of your age, but my own mother was widowed just shy of 50.  She subsequently sold our family home to move to another state where she catapulted her career to another level:  she worked hard, taught, spoke at national conferences and discovered a newfound career satisfaction.  People think different things in widowhood, and while my father was always her cheerleader when he was alive, after his death my mother didn't have the idea he was living behind a veil watching her.  She lived and continues to live, in the here and now.

Mrsmisterman, you seem like a smart, accomplished woman.  It's hard to adjust to this new world. But you can do this, I bet your husband would be very proud of you.
« Last Edit: March 28, 2015, 06:19:41 AM by calimom »
"I'm breaking through, I'm bending spoons, I'm keeping flowers in full bloom" - REM


  • Guest
Re: Work? Bawk!
« Reply #5 on: March 28, 2015, 12:25:31 AM »
Oh boy, do I ever feel the same.  I used to work crazy hours, 60 to 80 a week.  16 hour days were the norm in the summer.  Then I began my carpentry apprenticeship (talk about making money like a man) and ten hour days seemed like nothing.  I too, used to come home to goodness and love.  We always made time to prepare a fabulous dinner and spent the time talking about what amazing days we had and how lucky we both were to love what we do so much.  My last real day of work was the day before the accident (a Saturday, overtime)  He was killed on a day that was supposed to be his day off, but he volunteered to cover holidays for a colleague and was on day ten of eleven straight.

I don't recognize myself and my work ethic these past few years.  I've reno'd houses and raised our little guy, but now he is in Kindergarten and I have all this time to myself and the shop is taking forever to complete and I think it's because I can't face a day of work without my evening of camaraderie.  I just don't know what the point is, anymore.

Thinking about it brings up a bit of a panic attack. 

I wish I had some advice, but understanding is all I can offer.  It's so hard to be motivated and to find the courage.

Maybe we just jump back in and it's nothing?


  • Member
  • Posts: 47
Re: Work? Bawk!
« Reply #6 on: March 28, 2015, 01:26:34 AM »
My late mother-in-law always would say "you make money like a man."

My vote is for compliment.  Today she'd probably say "you make money like a woman". 😊

Sending hugs.  I am in the same boat but also have the motivation of setting an example for my daughter; as a new widow though I will just have to see how things work out.  Before this happened I would also rely on volunteer activities or a hobby to help buffer those bad days at work, and give me additional motivation (ie, because I work the income allows me to help these people in some small way).  Or this could be the "something fresh" that helps?  Again I am still in a haze so have no idea how this works as a widow... 

Regardless, I hope you are able to find fulfillment-- sending my best wishes.


  • Member
  • Posts: 1706
  • aka MissingmyTim
Re: Work? Bawk!
« Reply #7 on: March 28, 2015, 07:00:30 AM »
I feel at a crossroads with my career too. I still love the direct patient care but all of the administrative aspects of my job drag me down and zap my motivation.  I am isolated from contact with colleagues which is much more of an issue now that I don't have DH to come home to and share my day with.  I feel like it's time for a complete career change but don't have a clear direction of what I would want to do.  I want to be excited and stimulated by something new.
You will forever be my always.


  • Member
  • Posts: 15
    • Itoigawa Jones
Re: Work? Bawk!
« Reply #8 on: March 28, 2015, 09:04:09 AM »
I can't begin to imagine doing my job anymore. The hours and the stress I was under aren't things I think I could cope with any more. Coming home to my wife every night made everything okay. The life we had together also gave me the purpose I needed to make it through the rough days. Now it just seems pointless. I may go back to work and ask for a completely different role to the one I used to have, but equally I might just quit for a while and have some time to try and figure out what else I might be able to do with myself.