Author Topic: Time warp  (Read 413 times)

tybec

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Time warp
« on: April 01, 2018, 08:06:51 AM »
I went to see my MIL Good Friday 3 hours away.  She moved after I moved from the town I had resided in for 22 yrs. She is in a senior citizen apartment, and it is better than her garden home she had.  Lots of family are within minutes, so she has all kinds of support.

I felt the need to go. But it is like stepping back in time. This is the place I grew up in, and then met DH when 14.  MIL has a shrine to DH in her home.  The bedroom I slept in is my son's room.  It has his toys, stuffed animals on the bed, wedding pictures of me and DH, all of my son's pictures she has growing up. 

She is comfortable to see, and I have that connection of 32 yrs. But it plays with my mind. I drove through my hometown 20 miles away.  My home I lived in until married.  It is a strange feeling.  Somewhat comforting, but also upsetting at the same time.  A life that is over. 
 My parents are both gone, my husband.  It is not quaint anymore. The town is like many, sad, dying out, poorly kept.  My son can't imagine ever living there.  14 miles to get anywhere through the country.

I just can't put my finger on it, my mood about it. So many good memories growing up there, but also it is depressing, too. 

Just thinking out  loud......

trying2breathe

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  • Widowed August 2013
Re: Time warp
« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2018, 02:35:19 PM »
This would be a timewarp - I can only imagine the feelings that this visit would bring up.  How nice to visit your MIL on Good Friday, I bet she was happy to see you.

My in-laws have a small shrine to their son in their home too.  Although they haven't lived there long, there are reminders of DH everywhere and it is unsettling for me to visit there.  I understand the mixed feelings.  It's good to visit them, but depressing too ....

Have I told you lately how much I love you?

beth_krkswidow

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Re: Time warp
« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2018, 09:27:33 AM »
My in laws predeceased my husband so I can't do this. But I think it's great that you can.  Surreal as it was. I  still haveall my hubby's pictures up. I don't consider my house a shrine.
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

tybec

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Re: Time warp
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2018, 12:46:55 PM »
Thanks for the comments.

I started taking down all the pics when I decided to date.  I have been widowed 6  plus yrs.  my New Guy still was uncomfortable with some pics.  I had to respect that.  I don’t want to go to his house and see his ex or former girlfriend  all over the place either.  I have some select pics of our family for our son.  But wedding pics, military balls, etc.  no.  I understand my MIL.   It is her child. 

Off topic but my brother widowed 5 yrs ago.  Didn’t change anything really.  Remarried 2016 and she left in 8 months.  He hadn’t moved a thing out of the bedroom of “their” home. New wife packed up all his lw ‘s things after three months.  I still can’t believe he thought that was ok to do having remarried. 

Anyway.  Everyone on their own path.   
« Last Edit: April 12, 2018, 01:25:52 PM by tybec »

klim

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Re: Time warp
« Reply #4 on: April 15, 2018, 08:00:20 AM »
I have left all the pics up but they are mixed in with baby pics and pics of my mom and dad and family vacations. They are not the standard engagement /wedding pics.  My kids still live here and  i think it would be odd if I systematically removed the pictures that contained DH.

I will also add that I dated a guy for 3 years who had been married for 28 years and had two kids....I found it odd when he didn't have any photos of his previous life in his place.