Author Topic: Well they said it would get worse, and they were right  (Read 4714 times)

tableforone

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Re: Well they said it would get worse, and they were right
« Reply #15 on: April 01, 2015, 02:51:38 PM »
I remember wanting so desperately to know when I would feel better. Would I ever feel any better? When I was alone, I would sometimes make sounds that I can only liken to animal howls. They scared me so much.  My friends drove me insane. They were too clingy or ignoring me. I was a miserable mess of raw grieving. I am over seven years out now and I promise you that you will feel better. Really you will. I just wish I could tell you when. This is so so hard. Big hugs.

Jen

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Re: Well they said it would get worse, and they were right
« Reply #16 on: April 01, 2015, 04:11:06 PM »
I remember wanting so desperately to know when I would feel better. Would I ever feel any better? When I was alone, I would sometimes make sounds that I can only liken to animal howls... I promise you that you will feel better. Really you will. I just wish I could tell you when. This is so so hard. Big hugs.

Honestly, I think this is all I want: someone to hug me and tell me it will get better someday. I still make those animal keening noises once in awhile-- not often, not like I used to, but occasionally it's the only was to bear the pain and terror that colors every hour of my life now. I could do this if I *knew* it was finite. That it would end, and I would wake up one day and find that I was free and happy again. I wish I could believe that. I wish... But that brings to mind a line from a song that runs through my head nearly every day:

Don't wish. Don't start. Wishing only wounds the heart...

Sorry. Morose this afternoon. Tableforone, you did give me a tiny glimmer of hope there. But seven years-- ! Sometimes I don't think I can last 7 more months. :(

((((((Deedee))))))) Thinking of you, sweetie. I know I'm no help, but I'm here.
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton