Author Topic: kagill's Real Sex, what are you needing?  (Read 77199 times)

look2thesky

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Re: kagill's Real Sex, what are you needing?
« Reply #45 on: April 24, 2015, 05:57:57 PM »
I think I too had some fear or concern of this.
Shit now I have the risk of living alone permanently, again. I filled some years with keeping as busy as I could, not to think about or face it. And then the ridiculous dating sites. Not a good few years. I settled. Wasn't happy. So I broke off all commitments and just figure when the time may be right, fate will kick in. That's how I met my Wife. And I can't force someone else, to want to start a new life with me. You look very attractive, at least from the avatar thing. I'm sure You will have many opportunities.
Wait. Just a while. You'll see, and mark it on the calendar. Great things eventually do happen, when we least expect. I guess we have to be ready, and open to it.
« Last Edit: April 24, 2015, 05:59:38 PM by look2thesky »

Virgo

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Re: kagill's Real Sex, what are you needing?
« Reply #46 on: April 24, 2015, 07:53:19 PM »
I'll just say that I'm frustrated from lack of activity. :)
Jen

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Jess

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Re: kagill's Real Sex, what are you needing?
« Reply #47 on: April 24, 2015, 08:10:55 PM »
I'm 40 years old. My husband died; my libido didn't. I mean I am seriously, deeply afraid that I'm never going to be touched again. The idea that I might have to spend another 40 years celibate-- never anything at all, let alone the kind I want-- is nearly as devastating to me as the fact of Jim's death. That probably makes me a terrible, jacked up person in need of professional help, but-- fuck it, I have to wear the mask everywhere else, I may as well lay it all out here. Hope no one will hold it against me. And if they do, well, I'm sorry. It's just where I am.

Nope, it doesn't make you messed up at all. We mourn our spouses but also who we were with them, and part of that was that we were sexual partners. Of course losing that is devastating! This does not make you a bad person or crazy, it makes you honest, which I appreciate.
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014

Jen

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Re: kagill's Real Sex, what are you needing?
« Reply #48 on: April 24, 2015, 09:44:44 PM »
I came back here planning to delete my post... I'm slightly mortified to have admitted it, but it really is my greatest fear right now. I know how ridiculous that sounds. Look2thesky, thank you for the vote of confidence... I never got the "Oh, you'll find someone/get married again" comment, which makes me think anyone who knows me has already mentally consigned me to the convent. :( Jess, I appreciate the validation-- I was afraid I would sound really petty and messed up: "Her husband died, and all she's worried about is whether she'll ever get laid again!" Well, it's true-- it's not all I worry about, but it's a big chunk of it. And it's not just about sex-- it's about everything around the sex. Companionship. Connection. My heart still works too. I feel slightly foolish hoping lightning will strike again, but at the same time I can't not hope for it.
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

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look2thesky

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Re: kagill's Real Sex, what are you needing?
« Reply #49 on: April 24, 2015, 11:19:26 PM »
 There's nothing that you should have to hold back about.
I think everyone here has common thoughts.
And I agree it's a huge part of personal happiness.

widowat33

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Re: kagill's Real Sex, what are you needing?
« Reply #50 on: April 25, 2015, 12:18:48 AM »
((Just Jen))
Trust me, you are not the only one worried about that!
I do get the "you're young you will find someone else" comments, but only because I'm young, I truly don't think it has anything to do with people believing that I am that great of a prize that I will have men beating down my door,lol. Maybe no one has made that comment for the mere reason that the people in your life know that it's not exactly the most sensitive comment to make to someone who has lost their spouse, because honestly it isn't something that I enjoyed hearing.
I also worry that I will be alone the rest of my life. I live in a small community where all the single men are either: old enough to be my grandpa ( nothing against older men, but...), young enough to be my child ( not quite, but close), or single for a reason (meaning, not exactly relationship material)! Honestly at this point I am too busy, too tired and just not ready for any kind of relationship with another man. I'm working on finding myself, discovering who I am now that my 'other half' has been taken from me, and taking care of my own happiness...but I still worry that when the time is right for me, I won't be able to find someone. And around here if you do have a casual fling, everyone knows about it by the next day, so for my own reputation and for my kids sake even that is not possible!
The thing is once you've loved and been loved, it's very hard to lose that and think that you will never find that again!
I know this is a sex thread and I've kind of went off topic, but yeah part of a relationship is obviously the sex, which in my opinion or at least in my relationship was a very important part.

IronBear

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Re: kagill's Real Sex, what are you needing?
« Reply #51 on: April 25, 2015, 05:16:01 AM »
Lately, just the sound of a female voice makes me hard.

Carey

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Re: kagill's Real Sex, what are you needing?
« Reply #52 on: April 27, 2015, 02:02:08 PM »
I get a LOT of sex. Which is strange. WAY more than when I was married (OMG this feels TMI). He's a fwb and I know it's not going to end happily ever after. And I'm afraid that spending all my time with him and getting IRRITATED when others ask me out is stunting me and keeping me from looking for someone I can actually be with.  I feel safe and can ask for anything sexually and get it, and feel pretty free giving too and "starting over" with someone else feels like it'd push me over the edge to insanity.  If you gotta ruin your own life I guess it's easier if it feels good lol
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Virgo

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Re: kagill's Real Sex, what are you needing?
« Reply #53 on: April 27, 2015, 05:37:02 PM »
Carey- I agree that being in a fwb situation makes it less likely that you will start looking for someone interested in a relationship. BUT, maybe you're not ready for a relationship yet.

My fwb situation is on a break for now. It was good for the short time it lasted, but it changed for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't consider another fwb situation, but more than likely not with him. I'm leaning more toward dating, but just a little scared to take that first step.
Jen

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look2thesky

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Re: kagill's Real Sex, what are you needing?
« Reply #54 on: April 27, 2015, 08:10:48 PM »
FWB seems to end weird. Not saying it doesn't satisfy an urge but someone always seems to want more or get hurt.
Oh well back to the drawing board.

DonnaP

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Re: kagill's Real Sex, what are you needing?
« Reply #55 on: April 28, 2015, 01:36:05 PM »
I shouldn't admit that, I guess, but if I can't be candid in this thread, where can I? I'm 40 years old. My husband died; my libido didn't. I mean I am seriously, deeply afraid that I'm never going to be touched again. The idea that I might have to spend another 40 years celibate-- never any sex at all, let alone the kind I want-- is nearly as devastating to me as the fact of Jim's death. That probably makes me a terrible, jacked up person in need of professional help, but-- fuck it, I have to wear the mask everywhere else, I may as well lay it all out here. Hope no one will hold it against me. And if they do, well, I'm sorry. It's just where I am.

No need to apologize for your feelings. We are all human. I was in my later forties when my husband (50) died. I had many of the same thoughts. Who could I possibly find who'd want me (an aging, wrinkled, past-her-prime mother of two...). But guess what? Lightning DID strike again for me. And it can for you too, so long as you are open to that idea. Good luck. And may the force be with you ...
HUGS,
Donna
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I still think of you, Mick...every SINGLE day!

IronBear

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Re: kagill's Real Sex, what are you needing?
« Reply #56 on: April 28, 2015, 01:49:47 PM »
I am a huge fan of FWB.

Mac

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Re: kagill's Real Sex, what are you needing?
« Reply #57 on: April 29, 2015, 03:44:18 PM »
The 40's are an amazing time!  Glad to know I'm not the only one who can't seem to get enough.  It's like being a teenager except now I know so much more and have way more confidence.  Not to mention that a 45 year old man is much more giving than an 18 year old!

The 50's are pretty amazing too! Grateful for that! I'm guessing that FWB wouldn't be a good choice for me.
« Last Edit: April 30, 2015, 03:38:26 PM by Mac »
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Virgo

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Re: kagill's Real Sex, what are you needing?
« Reply #58 on: May 04, 2015, 07:53:11 PM »
I would just really like to be held. Rest my head on a guy's chest and be swallowed up in his arms.
Jen

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CBB

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Re: kagill's Real Sex, what are you needing?
« Reply #59 on: May 12, 2015, 04:55:22 PM »
Ditto , ditto and more ditto..Scared to death to even try . 50 is lurking and I am freaking out! The websites really scare me and from what I have seen , I may have to join a convent :)
I am different! How could I not be?