Author Topic: Rejected by in-laws?  (Read 9832 times)

Brenda

  • Member
  • Posts: 101
Re: Rejected by in-laws?
« Reply #15 on: April 08, 2015, 09:12:24 PM »
Grief brings out the spite in people.

You are so right about that.

Quote
Important rule for grief: surround yourself with positive things and positive people.  If that means cutting out in laws, so be it.  You don't owe them anything. Really. You might feel like you owe it to your spouse to maintain a relationship, but I hate to remind you that they aren't here anymore. Do what YOU want.

I shall follow this advice, guiltily or not.  And I think the future me will thank the present me for doing so.

Ursula

  • Member
  • Posts: 162
Re: Rejected by in-laws?
« Reply #16 on: April 14, 2015, 12:03:05 AM »
A side effect of this horrible experience has been clarity in my perception and expectations of others. Some were there in the beginning and faded, fewer have stuck with me throughout. Some people are not worth the effort of wondering why they don't seem to care, and your in-laws seem to fall into that category.

Agree with Jess on that one. Sorry you are feeling that way. I moved another continent away from my inlaws after they told me 'if you had looked after him better, this would not have happened' - and I don't honestly care very much about them anymore.  They are generally only interested in our son I believe, and I don't really have much time for that kind of relationship.
Por que tu fuego a?n me quema, sin ti las noches son eternas,
tu aroma sigue aqu?, no me deja ir.. Por m?s que intente y quiera olvidarte, yo nunca lograre dejarte, cautivo de este amor sincero esclavo de tu voz.. Por que estoy am?ndote, so??ndose, aunque no est?s aqu?..
Y yo te esperare, amor aunque los a?os lleguen sin querer (Marc Anthony)

fern

  • Guest
Re: Rejected by in-laws?
« Reply #17 on: July 15, 2015, 04:40:45 PM »
Gosh, it's like I wrote this, except I lost my husband. I'm so sorry you're going through this and have nothing to offer than to say...I understand.

At night, when I have some time to myself, I've tried to think of what I am so angry about. I think it is this:

- That I never got the space to grieve because I went right from cancer caregiver to solo parent with no break.

One of my hubby's siblings said that it was too painful to see us.
« Last Edit: July 15, 2015, 04:48:06 PM by fern »

canadiangirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 438
Re: Rejected by in-laws?
« Reply #18 on: July 16, 2015, 06:37:25 PM »
Fern, I could've written what you wrote, word for word (including things you are angry about), except my in-laws had trouble coming to visit when he was dying because it was too hard, and now they have trouble doing memorial services for the same reason. 

fern

  • Guest
Re: Rejected by in-laws?
« Reply #19 on: July 19, 2015, 12:00:21 AM »
canadiangirl, my inlaws also hardly visited while hubby was sick. Everyone lives far away and was too busy with their own kids and lives. It was so hard caring for our child and my husband during the downward spiral of his last months. I had some idea that I would get a break when it was over, but no. They claim to be a loving family and I don't understand why there aren't there for us. I was left with my husband's medical bills that I'm still paying off and I asked the family for help not to pay them, but just to take on the medical billing admin (it is so complicated and you have to double check everything because half the bills are wrong). I've asked each of them for help with this and explained recently that I haven't had a night alone since he died. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong and it hurts.

Joseph

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: Rejected by in-laws?
« Reply #20 on: July 21, 2015, 12:14:49 AM »
In-laws... Well as the former MiL pointed out, the law portion is for the marriage contract, which was over.  Last contact was a year after the death when they evicted me from the townhouse we were renting from them, so they could sell it.

Virgo

  • Member
  • Posts: 896
  • Location:Indiana Widowed:2/4/14
Re: Rejected by in-laws?
« Reply #21 on: July 21, 2015, 01:50:57 AM »
Some people luck out and really connect with their spouse's family, but I think that's the exception, not the rule.

I must be the exception to the rule. My in-laws refer to me as their daughter, not their daughter in-law. My daughters and I see them at least twice a week. I chat with my mother in-law almost daily. During the summer my daughters are at their house quite a bit. My father in-law helps me all of the time with mowing the lawn and car maintenance. Besides the extra help, our relationship hasn't changed. We have always spent a lot of time together. They have always spent more time with us then Phil's two sisters. Even before Phil and I had our daughters we went out for dinner and to movies with his parents. We were 16 and 17 when we started dating, married at 19, and together for 22 years. Maybe meeting him young made a difference as far as my relationship with his parents. I don't know, but we're really close.

I'm sorry that some of you really struggle with your in-laws. It's to bad that the loss of your spouse didn't bring you closer. Death changes people. ((hugs))
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

fern

  • Guest
Re: Rejected by in-laws?
« Reply #22 on: July 22, 2015, 11:30:59 AM »
I just want to say thank you to everyone here.

This is all so painful and while I am incredibly sorry for everything you are going through, it helps immensely to know that I am not the only one.

Jen

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 1076
  • Jim: 7 April 1974-10 April 2014
Re: Rejected by in-laws?
« Reply #23 on: July 22, 2015, 09:40:05 PM »
I just want to say thank you to everyone here.

This is all so painful and while I am incredibly sorry for everything you are going through, it helps immensely to know that I am not the only one.

(((((Fern))))) This is exactly why this community is absolutely invaluable-- a lifesaver, for some of us. You're not the only one. You're really, really not. We got you.
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton