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UnWed Widows, come out come out where ever you are!

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How many of you are out there?
What is your story, please share it here.

Hi JacklessSally,
One Step at a Time here. I was not married to J. That was one of my biggest apprehension into being accepted by other widows. To top that, I left him before he died because the alcoholism wreaked havoc on our relationship. I could not sit back and watch it all crumble and I could not leave. It was awful. I left and he went downhill fast. He ended up dying from huffing. The night he died, I found out he had been sleeping with a lady from work and she was preggers. I was then 2nd class and "just his ex". I was treated like I did not matter. I was told I was a psychopath and would receive nothing of J's. I felt so much shame from all of this. It sent me into an awful depression for 2 years. I felt unworthy of grief, but I was grieving so hard so I tried to hide it and tame it. That only made the depression worse. It was so painful. 4.5 years later I am beyond active grieving and beyond the awful depression. It is very freeing to not be caught up in that still. My heart goes out to all of the new wids!

Me! C and I were engaged and he died suddenly (accident) 5 months before the wedding. We had the date/ location booked and I just picked out the style of dress I wanted the DAY before he died. WTF??? Our daughter was two months old at the time. Just over a year out and am doing well all things considered. Crazy how much has changed though- living back in my hometown, new job, very different life... I miss him every day and wish he was here to share this parenting/ life thing but I'm learning, slowly, to accept all the changes.

We weren't married.  Legally, we were domestic partners.  Wore wedding bands, I'd changed my name, we called each other husband and wife, and so did everyone else, but we were not spouses.  We'd been trying to think of a way to "make it official" in a way that was genuine for us, had decided to do it alone with a rabbi on a beach on our next vacation, which would've been a few months after he died.  There was a lot of nonsense because of our status.  For example, I had to take him off my health insurance (because he was dead) but I couldn't without his death certificate.  Well, I wasn't entitled to obtain his death certificate because we weren't married.  Etc., etc.  The whole thing was a mindf***.  Even now, I feel like a fraud - I'd decided that we called each other husband and wife in life, I wouldn't dishonor him by now failing to call him my husband.  But it's not technically true.  I don't want to tell the whole story to every random person it comes up with, so sometimes I feel like a liar.  We thought we had all the time in the world to make it official.  But we rushed to do all the things that mattered - bought our wedding bands within a couple months, changed my name in a few, became domestic partners in less than a year, etc.  Babbling.  Done. 

I'm Laura. Graham and I were never married. We were together 10 years before he was killed in an accident at work. He had 2 grown up children from his first marriage (ended in divorce). When he died his family treated me like I didn't exist. My name wasn't mentioned at the funeral - that part of his life was completely ignored. The good thing for me was that 99% of the people there knew I existed!

This all took place September/October 2014 and since then as expected I have had no communication with them. I don't even know what they did with his ashes despite him stating in his written will that I was to be present when they were scattered. Despite me not knowing his final resting place he will always be in my head and in my heart and that brings me a lot of comfort. He was smashing bloke. A guy that would do anything for anyone. He was always helping out neighbours. He never took himself too seriously and had a great sense of humor. He has left me with loads of great memories and I am thankful for our 10 years


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