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If you posted already on the last forum, you can copy and paste here...

My husband was in poor health but not sick if that makes sense. His death was very sudden right in front of me. At 5 years it hit me just how shocking the whole thing was. I too lost my identity when he died. I was a grown woman and only knew him 8 years. Yet his love had that much of an impact on my life. I was disabled from employment when he died. I still am. I live with his young adult stepson who has some special needs. Im now his guardian. We moved 5 weeks after he died and downsized and moved again a little over 2 years ago. My husband's organs were not suitable for transplant but we donated tissue. He gave sight to two people and his bone etc helped 36 additional people. He was not registered so I had to make the decision. This is why I encourage people to register so their loved ones don't have to make that decision in the worst moments of their lives. Also I know people who lost their loved ones waiting. The details are uncomfortable to think about it but I am very proud of our choice and his legacy. He was the love of my life. I miss him but I am mostly used to it now. The reason I am ok is because of the people online when the worst happened and those who are truly a part of my life now.

I'm Jen-- Just Jen now, but I was Jim's Jen, until he died suddenly and unexpectedly from a pulmonary embolism three days after his 40th birthday. I was at work-- he texted me at 3:30 to tell me he was going to get the kids from school. At 4:16 my older son called me to say, "He can't breathe and he's turning blue. What do I do?" I told him to call 911, hung up, and raced home. When I got there, the paramedics were already working on him-- he was fighting the oxygen. His heart rate started dropping, and they began coding him for real. They moved him to the ambulance; I think he was already gone by then, but they took him to the emergency room (literally across the street). He was pronounced at 5:26. My life ended along with his that day-- almost 11 months later, I look back and can scarcely believe I've made it this far. I'm still in hell, but finding sunlight peeking in here and there... I found some hope again, and a handful of reasons to live-- mainly thanks to this community.

I went back to YWBB thinking I'd do a cut 'n paste of what brought me here/there...had to click out of there. So many memories.

It's been almost 6 years since I lost my husband Richard to a sudden heart attack. Long story short, my lifelong athlete husband with no personal or family history of heart disease called me home from a normal Monday at work because he wasn't feeling well and less than 30 minutes later I was a young widow of 37. It's still shocking that so much story can be distilled to two sentences.

I don't know how to encapsulate my history with the board, the friendships I've made, the second chance at love I found at YWBB in Lonepanda, the late night chat sessions that make me grateful that chat didn't have a history function  :P, the miles and miles and miles I've walked along a road I didn't know existed. I've read that grief is love turned inside out; I feel like I've explored fathoms deep pain and joy commensurate with the enormity of just how much I adored that sweet man. I'm grateful beyond words to be on the other side of all that pain and I know Richard would be so proud of how far I've come, but there will always be that part of me that lives and loves in a far away place with him.

A wise vet on YWBB said once that her husband lived in two places years out from loss. He lived in her mind and she could freely talk about him, laugh at the great times, help other wids along the way. And then there was the place he REALLY her heart. It was in that place where the intensity of love and loss still circulated deeply and vividly. That's where I find myself, looking at beginning my seventh year without him. There's the Richard I can talk about with others easily and the smiles come automatically. That's the me (and him) that people these days see, especially as a remarried widow. And then there's the real me (and him) standing behind that door in my heart. He's standing there and I can't talk as easily and the emotions lift and swirl and take me to other places. I'm so glad all of that still, and will always, live in me because I will always need to open the door and step inside to remember.

Kudos to the crew working to rebuild what has been a lifesaver. I found the board on day two, made my first post on day 13, and leave behind on the board about 2,200 posts of some seriously good, bad, and ugly. I don't need the board like I did, but I still need to know it's there.

Kmouse...still wordy after all these years

Hi, I'm Chopperette. My husband of 24 years, was a healthy 52 yo. He was a helicopter pilot (hence my screen name). He had hypertension but was medicated and had it under control. He had a week were he couldn't bring his BP down. But was feeling better, he even went flying Saturday at noon. That Saturday night he complained of a splitting headache we barely slept that night. I kept asking him if he wanted to go to the hospital but he kept refusing. Sunday morning (St Patrick's Day ha the luck of the Irish wasn't with me) he went downstairs and fed the dogs. When he came to our room he started to get dressed and I asked him where he was going. He didn't answer me. He went downstairs and yelled to me to take him to the hospital. I told him that I'll take him as soon as I got dressed. When I came down, he had the car running, the garage door opened and he was seated in the copilot's seat. I drove him to the nearest hospital and he complained that I was driving too fast, which I wasn't I think he was dizzy. I noticed that he wasn't wearing his seat belt and asked him to buckle up. He told me he couldn't see but he was able to do it anyway. When we were 2 blocks from the hospital his breathing got labored and he was rigid for a second. I just rubbed his arm and told him to hang in there, that we were really close to the hospital. When we got there I noticed both his hands were curled. I was told he answered some questions but his speech got slurred. Shortly he lost conscious and was put on a ventilator. The doctors said it was a ruptured brain aneurysm. He had two procedures but there was no brain activity at all. He finally passed away Thursday March 21st/2013, 4 days before my 48th birthday. I'm trying to do my best to survive and support my 25 yo son and 21 yo daughter. OH in case you were wondering my profile pic was taken during his burial. There were several helicopters flying over us (most of them were his students) and throwing rose petals. It was beautiful and touching.

Also an important fact... I'm from Guatemala, so English is not my first language, so sometimes I have difficulty expressing myself (so I always edit my posts)


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