Author Topic: introduce yourself here  (Read 70096 times)

Mikenter

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #285 on: November 13, 2016, 10:23:09 PM »
I'm Michael, Miranda's Husband. I'm 23, she was 21 on November 7, 2016. It's been near seven days. We met August 2013, started dating October 2013 (on Halloween actually), and got married May 16, 2014. A friend of mine suggested I look into forums knowing me all too well. You will find me in chat nearly 24/7 and I get notifications on my phone if you mention my name.

Details of her passing are in my journal post http://widda.org/index.php/topic,2833.0.html.

I'll be straight. I don't know how else to introduce myself other than that. I'm terribly bad at this.
« Last Edit: November 18, 2016, 05:01:12 PM by Mikenter »

perrine18

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #286 on: November 28, 2016, 09:50:02 AM »
Hello All,

My name is Eric, I'm 26 years old, and I lost my 25-year-old wife almost 3 months ago. She was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer in July 2015. She immediately started chemo therapy at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. She completed her chemo in December. In January 2016, she had a double mastectomy, lymph nodes where the cancer had spread were also removed. She then completed 6 weeks of proton beam radiation therapy. At the end of March, she was cancer free. She continued to recover at home until our wedding and honeymoon in June. In July 2016, she started to experience terrible headaches. Two lesions were found in her brain. She had surgery to remove both lesions. It was too late, though. The cancer later spread to her brain and spinal cord. She passed away on September 10, 2016. She was the love of my life, and it hurt every day that I had to watch her be sick. Moving forward without her continues to hurt more than I could have imagined. In May, we went on a "Parade of Homes" tour where we live in ND. We planned to start saving for our home. Everything we had ever dreamed of is gone now. 

Wheelerswife

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #287 on: November 28, 2016, 04:59:36 PM »
Hello, Eric.

I'm so sorry for your loss.  You have endured so much in just over a year's time.  I hate that your dreams have been shattered at such a young age.  As you already know, this is a very painful time.  You have barely had time to breathe.  Your friends likely have no concept of how you feel and how much pain you are enduring.  Grief can be a very lonely place.

I hope that you are eating some, drinking water, getting sleep when you can, and taking comfort from people around you.  Right now, it is sometimes enough to just get through one day at a time.  If you think too far into the future, you can get overwhelmed.  I assure you, though, that you will survive this.  I doubt you can see that possibility sometimes, but hang onto the knowledge that there are many of us who have lived this incredible pain and find the capacity to go on and eventually feel fulfilled again.

I am almost three years out from the loss of my second husband and although I don't have everything together yet, things are starting to fall into place.  I'm making a career change and finishing a master's degree and plan on making a move back to the east coast from the center of the country.  I could not have done this 3 years ago, but school has given me purpose and structure and that has helped me accomplish more than I expected.

I hope you can find something on which you can focus and keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Keep coming here.  You are not the only very young person here.  Those on a similar time frame will understand you best.  Don't be afraid to reach out to anyone here with whom you feel some kind of connection.  Some of my best friends are those I met on this board and its predecessor.

Hugs to you,

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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pigsCANfly

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #288 on: December 04, 2016, 11:19:25 PM »
I'm the same pigsCANfly from YWBB...For some reason, just recently, I've had several friends of friends become widowed and I've sent them here...and until they noticed, not realizing I had never introduced myself and likely never commented. I'm very appreciative that some folks were able to set this up again; I think it will continue to be a lifeline for many.

I found the YWBB shortly after my Tommy was killed in a car crash in May of 2010, within sight of our then-five year old son. His fatal accident followed a string of near-misses that in retrospect seemed like trial runs. Nothing he did to himself, just the universe's way of preparing me, I guess. (Side note: the universe really sucks at the whole preparation thing. The rug was pulled out, I was on my ass, I was devastated. I still am in many ways).

At the time, I felt I didn't belong at YWBB because I wasn't feeling or experiencing or coping with my grief like ANYONE who was about the same time out as I was (3 months). It was another year before I came back, and actually I went to chat before I ever posted. I realized then that not everyone's timeline will be, or even SHOULD be, the same--but because I didn't understand that the first time, I didn't understand why the way *I* was coping was "wrong" according to the timelines of others. (Side note #2: Do not allow others to rate or judge YOUR journey. Listen to them about theirs, but yours is YOURS.)

The second time, I was purchasing a house, moving, going through all of his jun--er, I mean fabulous finds, and it was not only helpful at that point to me to hear about how others were dealing with doing these things, regardless of how far out they were, but I was able to learn from others who seemed to find my somewhat unorthodox comments and approach helpful, as had not been the case the first time I came on. There were wids with whom I connected (awesome men and women who are still friends!!) and those with whom I didn't--also amazing, but no second date so to speak LOL--and to you newbies, please know that this is OK--you will meet many different folks here, and my best advice is to stick with the ones who get you (and vice-versa), regardless of the length of time you or they have been widowed.

When the YWBB shut down I was a very infrequent visitor. I didn't copy any old posts, didn't even go on to read any. Once it was done it was done--didn't need to go back and feel it again. My particular mode of coping with my grief then (and pretty much now, still) is to just do it--if you can look it in the eye and kick its ass at any moment, even just for a second, do it. If you need to choose to have a stay-in-bed grief day where it comes and goes as it pleases, choose to. (Side note #3: If you want to scream and cry and break plates, I have some an ex in-law gave me that I will ship for free! Doesn't work for everyone, but it worked for me).

Being here--it's because of an awful ending to our stories--however, it is a new beginning for each of us as well. Birth is painful and can be complicated--this is no different. You will likely become a changed person, with different views and different feelings. You may not recognize yourself some days. That's normal. As many folks have written in this thread, grief does change, it does get better--perhaps incrementally, perhaps only temporarily...but the better times get better, and they come closer and closer together and last longer and longer...and the bad, well, they kind of stay the same, but they do tend to get further apart and don't hang on quite as long as that broccoli smell when you forget you have it in the fridge.

Please try to be patient and kind with yourself, and HONEST with yourself to the best of your ability. Don't be afraid to ask for help, and don't be afraid to give it.  BUT---

THIS is the best advice: drink lots of water. It works for pretty much everyone, every time.

pCf

PS Sometimes the water thing works better after being part of an aging or fermentation process!





Al di là della volta infinita, al di là della vita.
Ci sei tu, al di là, ci sei tu per me

Wheelerswife

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #289 on: December 04, 2016, 11:50:16 PM »
Welcome back, pCf.

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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RobFTC

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #290 on: December 05, 2016, 07:54:51 AM »
Hey Sam-you-are, welcome back!

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.

SailOn

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #291 on: December 06, 2016, 03:45:40 PM »
Hi, I'm Jeff and my wife died last week.
I'm a little older than some/many of you; I'm 52. The other sites I've been to, however, have way too many people who are so much older than usthan me that I don't identify with the members at all.

I have 2 grown children. One is here, the other in a city pretty far away. I work from home. My wife had been home with me. There is no one to talk to during the day, no one to take a coffee break with. Aside from that, today has been a good day. I'm just trying to establish the new normal.

Karen wasn't sick for very long. She had what appeared to be food poisoning. After 10 days of throwing up, she agreed to go to the doctor. He found nothing wrong and said if she wasn't better by Monday, go to her regular doctor. On Saturday she was worse, on Sunday she was in awful shape. I took her to the ER and she was septic, in acute renal distress, her liver was failing. They did a CT scan and found she had an incarcerated hernia. Transfer to another hospital ICU, dialysis overnight, surgery in the morning. All seemed to go well, the nurse told me to go home and get some rest. Three hours later he called and said to get there right away. She aspirated. That led to a ventilator, a rotoprone bed, and transfer to another hospital for ECMO. During the transfer, her heart stopped, but they got it going again. After another week, she seemed to be doing better; the doctor was talking to us about the long term treatment plan. Then they did a CT scan of her brain. Severe brain damage incompatible with life. We don't know when it happened. In three weeks we went from planning Thanksgiving (her favorite holiday) to sitting shiva. It has been a whirlwind.

Wheelerswife

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #292 on: December 06, 2016, 09:55:36 PM »
Hi, Jeff.

Welcome to our little family.  I'm sorry you had to join us, but glad you found us so quickly.  There are some unfortunately young people here, but you are not alone in being in your early 50's.  I received my first ticket to join this club at 47 and my second ticket 4 1/2 years later at 51.

You have been surrounded by family and friends during shiva and you may not have had an opportunity to let this all sink in.  You may still be in shock.  Hold to your family and friends and take advantage of any help they may offer.  Some of the Jewish rituals for mourning may comfort you and remind those around you that you are grieving and need support.  I hope your community stays close to you if this is helpful.

Remember to drink water, eat when you can, sleep when you can, and never be afraid to come here and ramble, vent, or just simply find a place to express what is on your mind.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved Karen.

Maureen

Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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swilson

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #293 on: December 07, 2016, 06:18:35 AM »
Hey Jeff, I'm sorry you suddenly lost your wife and welcome you as a fellow 50ish widower. The holidays can amplify the pain of loss so as Maureen says, remember to take care of yourself. {Bro hug}
~ she's gone to Heaven so I've got to be good, so I can see my baby when I leave this world ~

widowwithbaby

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #294 on: December 10, 2016, 10:32:49 PM »
My name is Camila.  On June 1, 2016 my husband Shah was shot and killed while driving for Lyft. You can Google it, it was all over the news. We had just celebrated our 3 year anniversary since our first date. Our daughter had just turned one.
When we met, he hardly spoke any English, but we fell in love and he moved here from Iran. We had been married for over two years and he had a joyful confidence about the future. It's still hard to believe a random carjacking ended our dreams.
I got on this site because it's getting harder, not easier. The holidays really remind you that you are no longer anyone's priority.
He was killed in a failed carjacking in June 2017.
He was 38 years old.
Our baby girl was one year old and he loved us so well.

Wheelerswife

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #295 on: December 10, 2016, 11:00:53 PM »
Hi, Camila,

I'm so sorry for your tragic and unnecessary loss.  I'm glad you found this site.  It helps to be in a place where others understand the some of your heartache.  I have experienced first holidays twice...they were very hard to me, too.  Even when I am surrounded by other family, there isn't anyone who knows the heartbreak I feel. 

I don't know the same kind of senseless tragedy that you have experienced, but I know both anticipated and unexpected loss of a spouse.  I would hug you if I could and sit and let you talk about your beautiful Shah.  I hope you find comfort here as well as a place to scream and rant and also connect with others who are hurting , too.

Hang in there.  We do eventually breathe again, but it takes time.

Hugs,

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

cassandra

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #296 on: December 11, 2016, 07:41:52 PM »
Reintroducing myself.

I joined YWBB in March 2008 when my husband passed unexpectedly.  I read the site constantly, refreshing pages over and over to see the latest replies from everyone.  The Newly Widowed forum was a godsend for me as I tired to make sense of my new life. 

It felt like such a sense of accomplishment (in a strange way) to "graduate" to Shock Wears Off then to Beyond the First Year . . . even dipping my toes into Beyond Active Grieving to see where I hoped to be at some point.  I even posted occasionally.  You guys were amazing at being able to understand, commiserate and even laugh at the absurdity of life as a (no longer so) young widow.   

I tried going to some local 'bagos, but there were not that many in my area and then I started feeling like I was too far along to attend the ones that did happen.

I am now just about nine years out.  I remember someone posting on BAG (Teal, I think) who was almost that far out when I started.  I could not imagine being able to get there, but here I am.  I am still trying to figure out this new life.  Sometimes my progress is slower than people want (don't even get me started on my parents' plot to set me up on a blind date); but it's my life, not theirs.

Thank you to everyone who restored the website.  When I realized YWBB was gone, I really felt the loss and am so appreciative to those of you who worked so hard to bring it back.  Is there a way to bring back the content of the old site?  I tried the Wayback Machine but very few pages were archived.

Cassandra
SDC
1969 - 2008
My beloved husband, best friend, fellow privateer and my only rogue

beth_krkswidow

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #297 on: December 21, 2016, 04:27:29 PM »
I joined a few months ago, but never officially "introduced" myself here.  Mostly because I feel like I may be an illegal stowaway.  I have searched and searched to try and find a place where it specifies the criteria for "young widow" forum.  I feel like a "young" widow, but you all may not agree.  I meet with a "Young Widow" Grief Group.  Their criterion is under 65.  I fall well within that range.  When I joined I was 58; have had a birthday so am now 59.  I hope you will accept me anyway.
Christmas will be 7 months.  I have gotten no better.  People do not believe that.  You MUST be better.  Oh, really?  Must I?  Jump into my skin.  The Love of My Life, My Raison d'etre, My Honey, is gone.  Gone.  They don't get it.  He's not an old pair of jeans that I threw out.  He was my Whole Self.  Not my better half. He was my whole self.  I wrote a blog on our 28th anniversary, which was 2 days after his death.  It was written on a Christian blogging site to which we both belong.  If you are interested, it is here:
https://www.christianblog.com/blog/blest/sleep-peacefully-my-love/

He was in the hospital but he was supposed to come home the NEXT DAY.  I didn't go see him his last day alive, because I had a migraine.  The hour and a half drive to the hospital just seemed like too much with a migraine.  And he told me not to come.  He didn't sound right on the phone.  I kept calling his nurse and telling her he didn't sound right.  She kept telling me his vitals were fine.  And he was coming home the next day.  He is FINE. 

And at 2 am I got The Phone Call. 

I am so mad at myself for not going.  At the nurse for not listening to me.  At the hospital for not getting into his room until his heartbeat was so low they couldn't bring him back...

At almost 7 months, I still cannot believe he is gone and never coming back.

I am so very thankful for this site and for the members here who don't argue with me when I say I'm doing horribly.  "oh, no, you're doing much better.  You look great!".  Aarrgghh. 

Anyway, a belated introduction and thanks for being here.
"Until my last breath, I loved you more than life itself." ~Kirk, in his envelope to be opened only upon his death.  And now I to you, My Love, until my last breath...

RyanAmysMom

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #298 on: December 29, 2016, 12:17:37 AM »
I'm Jennifer, Mom to Ryan (16) and Amy (13), Widow of David. 
David and I were married for almost 20 years, before he passed away in July, 2015.  David was born with significant heart and lung defects, and underwent multiple heart surgeries as a child, but was thriving in adulthood.  When we met, he explained to me that he had a "less-than-normal life expectancy," but we were perfect together.  I felt "called" to be his wife, and I knew I wouldn't have him until we were "old" but he was worth the chance.  Over the years, David's health declined.  I was becoming more and more the care-giver, and less the wife..... 

We were on family vacation in 2015 and I had taken the kids to play, and he collapsed.  His heart had finally just had enough.  I wasn't naive - I knew he wasn't well - but I thought we'd have a few more years....  I completely expected his decline to be gradual....

He was 44 when he passed - I was 43...  So now it's been nearly 18 months, and I'm still grieving... not completely surrounded by the "fog of grief" that was so heavy the first year, but still actively grieving - I had intellectually dealt with being a young widow, but had never really considered how much it would affect me emotionally....  and I deal with guilt about having children knowing that they wouldn't have a dad for long.... 

I find that the word I'm living with and fighting against is "loneliness".....  Even with my career and my kids around, and my family close, I find that I'm longing for intimacy, closeness, affection, companionship - I don't know if I'm really ready to date again - but as I see my friends thriving, and living....  I am wondering... 

Anyway - that's me and where I'm at...... 


wecouldbeheros

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #299 on: December 30, 2016, 04:31:18 PM »
I'm Scott. I found this site as from the advise of a nice lady, who introduced me. Sorry I thought I would forgo the formalities of an official introduction. Truth be told I haven't been the same since my wife passed of causes I will post perhaps another time. Anyway, her name was Karina. A stunning beautiful lady with a zest for life I've never seen before, and most assuredly will never have the time or chance to find again. It's been 5 years. Wish I found this site earlier. I've pretty much exhausted all other avenues to be able to talk about her. She had an extended family (with mine). I used to call her "sparkler". I hope that I can be able to post without too much reservation. Anyway, Hi !