Young Widow Forum > General Discussion

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Thank you Jess for your quick thinking and action (again - lol).

I am not an "old-timer" b/c I wasn't part of the founding set of the YWBB but I am from a time before the majority of you and my account has been dormant for a while. I peeked in from time to time but didn't want to intrude.

I did re-up, as I hope others will, but haven't any plans to add to the conversations (beyond maybe at some point sharing my story) b/c I think that sometimes, it's better (maybe best) for people to grieve and heal with other who are "in it", and for those of us who are many, many years past and on to new lives to just keep our opinions to ourselves. But that's jmo.

I can tell you that the founders didn't close the board lightly (though I think they should have been more upfront with the current active members than they were). They would have kept it up if they could have. But if I were you, I'd be angry too. A lot of history (and I spent a lot of time searching the old post at YWBB) will be lost that is valuable and helped me a lot.

So, this is probably my only post (again). But I wish you all well in your journeys. It is a journey, imo, though one that no one signs up for or enjoys. You will get through it. Everything will be different, but someday it will be okay again and it might even be better than okay.

Back when I lost my first husband in 2006, the only thing I wanted to know was "when?" will it be okay. Where is the end of this? There's happiness again, right?

It does. There is.

I can't put a finger on when that day arrived. Not even in retrospect. It sneaks up on you day by day. But it arrives for the vast majority of us. Most of the people I met at the YWBB, and still am in contact with, are settled and well today.

I am married now (to a fellow wid I met on the YWBB). Life is good.

Never let anyone tell you there is a right way to grieve or rebuild. There's your way and what's right for you is right. Don't compare yourself to others. Don't worry if your drumbeat is different. Don't ever doubt that you have something valuable to share or that what you share isn't the one thing that someone else really needed to hear today.

Good luck. As the venerable Ann E. always reminded us way back in the day "be gentle with yourselves", and remember, even when it doesn't feel like it, it is going to be okay again. Really. It will.


Vettie here (AKA YIslander) My husband of 9 years got sick two years before he died but it was non life threatening. He got really sick over Christmas in 2011 and died January 9, 2012. He died of sepsis because he was on immunosupressants and his body could not fight the infection. Worst day of my life. Second worst day of my life was going home to tell the 7, 4 and 1 year old. The 18 year old was there when he died. It sucked. We have come a long way since then but it is still painful.

I'm Baylee, and my husband died almost a year ago from a brain tumor and anti-epileptic drug withdrawal seizures. He was 37 years old.

His brain tumor was incidentally discovered during a routine sinus CT three months after we had tied the knot. He only lived a year and a half after that.

Our time together was fleeting, but he will continue to occupy my heart.


I lost my husband to suicide right at 4 years this month.

Thanks to those who thought quickly to find a safe place for us to share.

I, too, am from YWBB.  I wouldn't consider myself an 'old timer' as I wasn't one of the founding members and I didn't post as frequently as many but I have been around for about 10 years.  I was AnnaMarie on that board as well.

I have to echo Anniegirl on many things.  I am joining to support this board, maintain the ability to contact all those from YWBB that are still around and to provide support for any who are looking to speak with someone who is farther out on the journey.  I probably won't check the board super frequently and won't be doing a lot of posting (at least that I can foresee right now) but please feel free to contact me if you want to talk.

My story is that I was widowed unexpectedly 10 years ago.  My husband, who was 30 years old at the time, had a heart attack while we were backpacking on an island.

I am now remarried with two boys and life is pretty good.  Like many, back in the beginning I just wanted to know when I would be "better".  When would the grieving would be over?  In my experience, it is never truly gone but it gets so very much better.  I still cry occasionally, I still hurt, I still wonder the what if's.  At this point, I miss what we had and were more than him specifically.  Mostly, I laugh and smile at my memories.  I am blessed to have family and friends who let me remember and talk all these years later.

My two cents on grief...Grieve at your own time and your own pace.  Be honest with yourself, don't hide from it - I never knew anyone who benefited from pretending they were okay.  There is no right way or deadline to be "better".  One year isn't a magical number...neither is 10.  This is a process that is met daily (some days with more grace than others!).  I found that it was better to get to the point where I was okay just being me before I could be good for others.  This isn't the path all take but it worked for me.  Finally, give yourself some slack to not be perfect and extend that to the people who love you.  No one knows all the right things to say and do - if they are trying and reaching out, they probably love you and are doing the best they can.

Wishing peace, comfort and healing to all who have made their way to this place.  I hope this board is a place where all wids can go to talk to someone who "gets it".  The YWBB was truly a blessing for me and I am hoping that this community will be the same to others.



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