Author Topic: introduce yourself here  (Read 70355 times)

Jen

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #165 on: August 13, 2015, 08:13:07 AM »
(((((Hugs))))))

I'm so sorry you had to look, but glad you found us.

Katie, my dh died very suddenly from PE as well-- like lightning out of a clear blue sky. Now I see those stupid commericals with Arnold Palmer and Kevin Nealon for drugs that supposedly treat and prevent things like that, and it's all I can do not to fling something at the TV. :(
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

DavidsKtBeth

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  • 26 years old & widowed -- 6.24.15
Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #166 on: August 13, 2015, 09:06:29 AM »
Jen,  the nurse actually told me they were giving him that to break up the clot.. I guess it didn't work.  I think they were just too late..
?Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.?

"You could meet somebody tomorrow who would have better intentions for you than someone you?ve known forever. Time means nothing, character does."

Jen

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #167 on: August 13, 2015, 09:12:45 AM »
I am so sorry. :(  Mine was gone before he got to the ER... they never had time to give him any clotbusters. He had turned 40 just 3 days before. He had some chronic health issues, but his doctor never suggested DVT prophylaxis... he didn't even take a daily aspirin. It just never occurred to me to ask about it.
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

b5beck1

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #168 on: August 14, 2015, 04:32:38 PM »
Hi, my name is Benjamin.  My wife passed away just over six months ago.  We got engaged in May of 2013; at that point she had already battled cancer once (leukemia) as a 20 year old, going through 23 months of chemo and radiation.  She was 5 years cancer free in the March just before our engagement.  In November of 2013, they discovered a tumor on her sternum which turned out to be a recurrence of the ALL but presenting as a bone mass, which is odd.  So we began cancer treatments immediately, the day after Thanksgiving.  We moved our wedding up from June to February, because there was a break in treatment.  In May of 2014 she had a bone marrow transplant.  I've always said that that was the moment that really broke me- I could deal with the cancer treatment up until there, but the transplant was awful.  Anyway, we moved to the treatment center for that summer, and back to our house in the fall just before school started (I was a teacher at the time, and she taught harp at the local university).  Sometime in January of this year, she developed a common lung infection, but unfortunately with her weakened immune system they were not able to contain it with their most powerful drugs.  She was able to see all of her family and many friends before she passed on Groundhog's Day.

So here I am, and I don't even know how to explain where my life is.  My life for two years was defined by being a caregiver, and suddenly that role was gone.  When I returned to work after her death, I had to make a moral decision about leaving the job I had been at for three years, because decisions were being made that I could not ethically agree with.  Around the same time I signed up for a Master's program (which I just completed my second class this summer) and I'm moving about 2 hours away from where I've lived the past 6 years.  I'm going to be a full-time pianist, playing for universities and theaters and wherever else gigs come.  Some days are very clear, but many days I have no idea what way is up and what way is down.  I don't know many places or people to go to that can relate to a 27-year old widower, so that's how I ended up here. 
And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.  May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.  He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.  Colossians 1:9-14

canadiangirl

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #169 on: August 14, 2015, 05:33:21 PM »
Welcome Benjamin, Katie, Jamie, Laurel, Catherine, Hallei, Quixote and others who have recently joined. I hope this board serves as a comfort to you.  Being a young widow(er) can be so isolating.  On my crazier days I can usually find someone who gets it here or something that resonates.  Then I don't feel quite as crazy. 

literatelier

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #170 on: August 31, 2015, 05:50:20 PM »
Hi everyone

My name is Peggy and I lost my fiance Chris on August 8th. I just turned 31 last week, and he would have been 30 this week. He fell 40ft from a waterfall while hiking and I'm told he died almost instantly. He was brilliant and so funny. He sometimes would hold me in bed and sing You Are My Sunshine to me. He ate bread/rice/spaghetti and ketchup almost exclusively and yet was 6'5". When we lay in spoons, he was the perfect fit. We were always touching; when home we were always in the same room together, touching in some way whether it was just feet or elbows. He was playful and happy, and his favorite thing to do was make fun of me. We fought a lot, too, mostly about stupid things like chores. But I love him so much. I feel like there's a literal part of me missing, like a phantom limb. My bed is too big. He'll never break my pillows or steal the covers or kiss me again. Maybe I died and this is hell.

Guaruj

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #171 on: August 31, 2015, 06:00:28 PM »
Hi Peggy -

Welcome to these boards. I'm so sorry this happened to Chris.

He was playful and happy, and his favorite thing to do was make fun of me. We fought a lot, too, mostly about stupid things like chores. But I love him so much.

Anyone who reads your post can tell that you love him - it's very touching.

I hope you find it helpful to stick around here.

|+|  M a r k  |+|

Justin

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #172 on: August 31, 2015, 08:41:00 PM »
Peggy, I am so sorry you are here but am glad you found us. I feel that in many ways this community has saved me.

I feel like there's a literal part of me missing, like a phantom limb.

This is quite an accurate analogy - part of you is missing. It's going to take a while to heal, and it will hurt, but you are going to learn how to live without that limb. You will learn how to function and enjoy life once again and appreciate the beauty in the world.

But not right now. Just as a person who has lost a limb, you have to treat yourself gingerly and take care of yourself. There is much healing that has to take place. I'm still healing, but am starting to learn how to get about without my limb. Although the pain is still present, it's starting to lessen as time moves forward. Hang on - this hell won't be able to keep it up forever.
Marsha 1975-2014

"Love is the province of the brave"

Fran721

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #173 on: September 01, 2015, 09:26:31 AM »
After nine days of constantly reading this site, I am finally posting. My sweet boyfriend Houston died nine days ago of an unknown liver virus. He had been sick for 6 weeks and the doctors kept telling us he would get better but he only got worse. He finally got to the point where he needed a liver transplant but his bone marrow became infected and no longer made any blood cells. A week before he passed, we were told they couldn't do the transplant because he no longer had any white blood cells or platelets. On August 23, his blood pressure dropped and they could not bring it up again. Although he suffered a lot the last week, his last day was extremely peaceful and he was surrounded by his loved ones. I held his hand the whole time. My sweet, amazing best friend.

There are no words for what I am going through right now. Today has been good so far - aka no crying/screaming/got out of bed. Last week was easier I think because I had just seen him suffer so much that him passing was sort of a relief. This week is unbelievably hard but I think that it's only going to get worse.

I cannot believe he's gone. We did everything together. We had come through so much together and we were so happy. We had an amazing family with our cat and dog. We had the cutest little apartment. We had worked so hard to get where we were. We had our whole lives to get married and have children. He had recently turned 32 and I turned 25 in July. He was my everything. I'm so scared but I know he's with me. He was so handsome, intelligent, compassionate, and really just the best person I've ever met.

Thank you for letting me vent. I really look forward to talking to y'all on here.

Jess

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #174 on: September 01, 2015, 09:44:38 PM »
Hello Peggy and Fran and welcome to the board. I am so sorry you you had to look for us, but so glad you found us. I hope that you can find comfort from talking to people that understand what this pain feels like. It is a safe place to vent any thoughts you can't share elsewhere. Not only will no one judge, but also people will be able to relate to how you are feeling. For now, take care of yourselves and basic needs. I am wishing you peace and comfort.
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014

lcoxwell

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #175 on: September 01, 2015, 09:47:27 PM »
Welcome, Fran! I am so sorry that you have had to join us, but so glad that you found us. I cannot tell you how much coming here, reading, and posting has helped in the healing process. I hope that you can find the sense of comfort that I have found here.
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.

Wheelerswife

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #176 on: September 01, 2015, 10:15:05 PM »
Peggy and Fran, I am so sorry to have to welcome you to our club.  It is always hard to have to welcome people who are so young and who should be in the prime years of their lives with their partners...life partners.

All I can say for any of the new folks is to join in, connect to your cohort of people either in your timeline, age group or whomever you feel you relate...because these folks are the most amazing people you wish you never had to meet.  We are here for you.  Participate to the level in which you are comfortable. Send a PM to someone if you can relate.  Make friends here.  This board and its predecessor have been my lifelines.

Hugs,

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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Trying

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #177 on: September 02, 2015, 06:10:24 AM »
Peggy and Fran, I am glad you found us and sorry that you needed to.  These early days are about surviving, sometimes minute by minute.  Be gentle with yourself and let others take care of you when possible.  You have a hard road ahead but when there is a break of sunshine grasp onto it.  Stay hydrated and keep breathing, you have found a place where you can share anything.
You will forever be my always.

Ursula

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #178 on: September 02, 2015, 06:26:36 AM »
Dear Benjamin, Peggy , Fran....this is a good place to find good people. We all share this pain and somehow knowing one is not alone helps.  I am so sorry you have to come here and tell your heartbreaking stories. It sucks and keeps sucking. It gets more bearable, the hurt stays, but one gradually can function again. I lost A 1.5 years ago. There are many wise people here, come and let it out here . Nobody has a solution but many will listen and you can find wise advise here. Take care, and remember, it is one moment at the time, step by step. That's what has kept me going. Take care you all. Hugs.
Por que tu fuego a?n me quema, sin ti las noches son eternas,
tu aroma sigue aqu?, no me deja ir.. Por m?s que intente y quiera olvidarte, yo nunca lograre dejarte, cautivo de este amor sincero esclavo de tu voz.. Por que estoy am?ndote, so??ndose, aunque no est?s aqu?..
Y yo te esperare, amor aunque los a?os lleguen sin querer (Marc Anthony)

running with scissors

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #179 on: September 03, 2015, 11:06:53 AM »
Hi, Not sure if this is the right place to introduce myself.  I am new here but not a new widow.  My husband died  five years ago.  I still have some bad days along with the good ones.  I wanted to say hello and I am thankful to have found this place.