introduce yourself here

[kjs1989]

Mizjsea,

I am so sorry. I also lost my husband suddenly, too, but to an accident, not an illness. Three years ago this month. I can so relate to what you said about your husband just being plucked from the planet. Wow, so true. I had three teenagers at the time.

I still find myself taking life one day at a time. I just don't plan ahead much these days. It still feels very surreal to me most of the time. I wake up and go, "Wow, D died. WTF happened to my charmed life??

And yes, my mission, too, has been to make D proud. My kids come first in all of my decisions, but I realized early on that I needed to put my "oxygen mask" on and survive, and even thrive, in order for them to be ok. The four of us have come a long ways. I think D would indeed be proud.

[swilson]

misjsea {Hug} Sorry you lost your husband, welcome to a place that has been tremendous help for me. In my short time trying to recover, I get tricked into thinking things are starting to smooth out only to get knocked off course again. Describing the turmoil is like trying hold water in your hand. You feel it, you see it, you smell it and then it's gone. All we're left with is a weird dampness.

[Frostedglass]

I'm new here and want to introduce myself.  My world turned inside out just over a year ago.  Like all of you, at times I accept my new normal and other times I simply can't believe this has all happened.  My MIL suffered from a variety of cancers for 20 years and sadly passed away last Oct. 11, 2014.  My husband spent the week helping his sisters go through her things.  Her memorial service was on a Thursday and my husband had a difficult time burying her.  At the time I was also suffering from excruciating sciatica pain from a herniated disc.  I could hardly walk and relied heavily on my husband's help just to get out of bed every morning.  Because of my pain, I couldn't attend all of the services for his mother.  I was glad he spent the extended time with his family which was rare for him; he didn't hang out with them regularly.  So, the memorial activities for his mother were over and Monday came along as it does every week.  My DH drove me to work (back pain couldn't drive) and picked me up (I'm a school teacher).  We walked through the front door and he collapsed.  I thought he was having a seizure, but he never started seizing.  My son happened to just be getting home (a total God thing) from work.  I called 911 and they arrived quickly.  At the ER they told me they were never able to get a heartbeat.  The Dr. said his heart just stopped, that he was gone when he first hit the floor.  How does that even happen?  I don't know how I got through the following hours, days, weeks, or months.  I had back surgery in Dec. which helped my physical pain, but the heartache is unending.  I have three kids, my oldest son lives with me and helps me financially, I have a daughter who is newly married and lives in a neighboring state, and my youngest daughter is in college.  My DH and I were married 23 years.  He loved me more than I appreciated and I didn't realize how much I loved him.  Memories just aren't enough.  A widow on another site wrote something once . . .  living was now like watching her life through a glass window.  That resonated with me, hence my username.

[Prov31cadet]

   Hi there, I'm Jacci and my husband Wade died this past April of Melanoma cancer at age 39. He was diagnosed stage 3 of May 2012. Then in December 2013 we found it had advanced to stage 4. I have three energetic boys ages 13, 9, and 7. We are doing our best to move forward. The grief comes in waves. My boys know it is okay to cry and to miss their dad. We continue to make it through each of the milestones. Our most recent was last night attending an extended family gathering on Wade's side. The boys did fine, but it was hard for me.
   I'm so thankful for my family, friends, church family, and coworkers. God has placed the most wonderful people in our lives. They are there continuously praying for and supporting us. God is good all the time!😀

[Jess]

Hello Frostedglass and Jacci. Welcome to our forum. I am so sorry for both of your losses.

Frostedglass, I also lost my husband suddenly last year. The quote about watching your life through a glass window resonates with me as well. I've been working on transitioning back to the other side of the glass, but it is not always easy. I hope you were able to weather the one year mark as best you and your kids could. This journey is so very tough.

Jacci, it always warms my heart to see wids with wonderful support networks.  It sounds like you've got your hands full with those three boys and that you are helping them process their grief in a healthy way, which can't be an easy feat!

[stuckwonderingwhy]

I just found this forum through a recommendation from /r/GriefSupport on reddit.

I lost my Lady to a car accident in March of this year. It's been rough trying to get back into the step of things since the accident. We had our whole life planned out, and now I'm just stuck with the pieces. I haven't received much support recently, and turned to the internet for help. Posting on reddit helped me vent, and it was the first time in a long time that I was able to speak to people who understood where I am, and what I'm dealing with.

I'm 35, we didn't get a chance to have children. We were together for 7 years. She was supposed to start her Master's Degree this fall. It still feels like it just happened yesterday. I'd just like someone to talk to who understands.

[Jess]

Hello stuckwonderingwhy. I am glad you were directed our way. I am so very sorry for your loss. A lot of what you said really struck a cord with me. I was 35 when my husband died  suddenly last year. We were together for ten years at the time and married a couple months shy of 8 years. Kids never happened for us either, despite wanting it to happen. In short, we didn't have enough time and I was in the insane position of becoming that poor friend of a friend whose tragic story makes you equally sad and relieved it isn't you.

Around 6 or 7 months out, I too looked around and saw most of my support had moved on with their lives. It is a lonely feeling and this group of people helped me immensely as the shock wore off and I started really processing my new reality. I hope you find this same sort of support here.   

[br0peth]

Hi everyone. 

My name is Dan and lost my wife a couple of weeks to a seizure in the middle of the night, heart stopped. Jesus.
She was a 5 year breast cancer survivor and my everything.  We were married 16 years this Friday coming up. 24 years together.  HIgh school sweethearts.  She was 41.

I have had a good support group so far but need to share with people with similar experiences to share. My love of music and musicianship has been helping too.

Man I miss her.

[Damiansinc]

Hello,

My wife died 8 months ago. She had a rare condition called frontotemporal dementia that was diagnosed February 2013. By July 2013 I had to have her placed in a nursing home. Her downfall was fast and horrific. I'll spare you all the details but she basically starved to death in hospice care when her brain stopped telling her how and to eat.

If she had lived till September, we would have been together 20 years. I met her in my first class ever in college. We had real good stretches, but I don't want to paint this as a tragic love story. The dementia tore apart our marriage well before there was even a diagnosis. Of course, I didn't know it at the time. I thought we were just in a very bad spot. That she hated me. Stuff like that. Took the diagnosis (after she got fired from two jobs in a matter of weeks and months of doctors and psych hospitals) to help me realize what was really wrong.

For the year and a half she was in the nursing home I drive down to visit her once a week. We have a 6 year old (birthday next week) and I wanted to honestly tell him I did all I could. In fact, I was dedicated to her care. I'm glad we were still together when the foment is hit hard because I was able to make sure she got the care she needed. Had we divorced before (and I was close) she could have died alone or heaven help me hurt our son. So in general I feel proud of how I handled such a hard situation.

While she was still alive I quit working for a break. I have started my own business. I have finished a manuscript. I have continued to raise my son.

I'm on this forum now because just this month I hit a massive wall of depression and have had trouble functioning. I have been seeing a therapist weekly for many years. Just this week I decided to seek out an antidepressant.

Here I am. 8 months out and feeling worse than I've ever felt before. What is that?

But anyway, hello everyone. I'm sorry that we all have to be here, but it's good to know I'm not alone.

[Wheelerswife]

Hi, ALD,

I'm sorry you had to join our club, but welcome.  Dementia is an awful death sentence, and for someone so young, it is even worse.  It must have been terribly difficult to see the initial symptoms and be baffled at the behavioral aspects.  In a way, I imagine that it was a relief to know why your wife had changed, but to then know that there wasn't hope of improvement must have been incredibly difficult.

Having worked in skilled nursing facilities, I've seen how people have had to make the decision to allow other people to care for their loved ones, but it is doubly hard when the person is young.  I know what it takes to be a caregiver, as I also took care of my first husband for 18 years.  I hope you truly know that you did what was best for your wife - and your son - and thirdly, for yourself. 

It isn't at all unusual to be hitting a wall at 8 months out.  Even though you knew the outcome for your wife's life for some time before her death, there is something that hits us when that day finally comes and they die.  I have said that I was well prepared for my (first) husband to die, but not for him to be dead.  You go home and shake your head and say, "Wow.  This day is here."  Then we go about taking care of arrangements and the tasks of everyday life such as taking care of your son.  Eventually, for many of us, we get gobsmacked several months down the line.  "Is this my life?  How do I move forward from here?  How am I going to figure out how to live my life again?"

Well, I'm rambling on...but I wanted to welcome you into the fold.  There are several new people who have joined recently that are just as freshly widowed, if not more so, than you.  I hope you all can find support here.

Maureen

[Cinderpamela]

Hi-
This is my very first post. I lost my husband of 22 years in September of 2014. He was out walking the family dog in our neighborhood on a sunny afternoon. While in a crosswalk he was struck by a car. The driver was on her cel phone and claimed she did not see him. He was rushed to the hospital, but not long after arrival I was told that the head injuries he sustained from the back of his head hitting the pavement were too severe, there was no way he could survive them. He was only 43.  It was by far and away the worst day of my life, My husband and I met at University. We have two boys (at the time of the accident they were 17 and 13), he was an amazing father and husband, my best friend and the one person that fully "got" me. He was also the best storyteller and always kept us laughing. I miss so many things.... but most of all I miss the laughter that we shared.

[kjs1989]

I am so sorry Cinderpamela. I was married for 23 years and lost my husband to a freak boat accident  Oct. 20, 2012 while he was on his way to a duck blind to hunt on opening day. He was a passenger in a boat  with six others, and the driver hit a channel marker in the dark and fog. Two feet to the right and they would have missed the concrete marker in the Mississippi River. Basically, they hit a needle in a haystack. He was knocked unconscious and drowned in three feet of water. They were 30 feet from their destination. One other man also died. I also had three teenagers at the time. I never heard a word from the boat driver. Nothing.  He had hunted in the area for 20 years and should have known where that marker was and slowed down if it was not visible. I would not know the man if I saw him at the grocery store. He was a new acquaintance of my husband's. The what-ifs are so brutal for me. I am sure you have gone through that, too.

Again, I am so sorry.

[brandylee]

My name is brandy. Im 35, and lost my husband of 12 years to a single car crash. We have 3 kids together who are big handfuls 9, 5r and 2 years old. Its rfeally, really hard to grieve when you are dealing with something kid related at every moment.
He was working on a ranch, and part of our compensation was hiusing, so i had to move very quickly on top of it. In fact, i still havent found a new place to live. I have a trailer house..yay...opening up in about 3 weeks, so i have my kids on vacation at the oregon coast.
Im trying real hard. We really were best friends...id never post something about that on facebook, because he was a man and things like that would have embarrassed him. But that was part of why we worked so well...we were always considerate if each others ways instead of trying to change or criticize. Having tons of my own flawss but a husband who loved me and took care of me...and let me love and take care of him...was one of the luckiest things ever. So i often feel very pissed off about working hard to have what we wanted and having it ripped away. Even though we were kind of doing the traditional thing...housewife, man providing, etc. We were also really liberal and non religious. I find myself wishing i had some faith to fall back on.  Or my kids. But it all seems too foreign.
Anyway thats all i know for now.

[stuckwonderingwhy]

Sorry to hear about your husband brandylee.

Don't be afraid to talk about things here. This is a great forum with people who understand where you are, and are here to listen. I also lost my fiancee to a car crash this past March. I've only been posting on this forum for a few weeks, but the people here have helped me a great deal. If you ever need to vent or just want someone to hear you, we are all here.

[stolendance]

I am a recent widow a month and a bit. I am also 30 years old and my husband was 32 it is said we our fortunate we don?t have kids and maybe that?s true but we were going to start a family and that has been taken from me. His passing was completely unexpected and due to medical complications in the hospital. I am also new to the city we live in for only a year. It can be hard but I am happy to have a new city to hide out in as our old city now feels so small with how fast the news of his passing spread. I have had to stop my ambitions to ensure his continue as they were our livelihood. I am angry at him because he could have prevented his initial hospital visit and this has changed our life plan. But honestly everyday is a bit of an emotional roller coaster. I feel very luck and happy to have found this site.