Author Topic: introduce yourself here  (Read 70227 times)

TheOtherHalf

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #210 on: November 19, 2015, 12:59:20 PM »
Hello, I am widowed 11 years out now and a member of the now defunct YWBB. Many knew me by Elysia and other monikers. Although changing monikers was never against the rules there, I see it is here and of course I will abide.

If it is possible for me to offer support to the newly widowed here, then I'd happily do so. Sometimes, especially when things are tough for me, it actually brings me comfort to reach out and bring someone else comfort and if there are no impediments that would be good to do.

I admit the pressing reason I joined today is off topic. This is the only place where I know there  are lots of people in NYC and surrounding areas.

So I'll get straight to it.

Doesn't anyone, especially from New York City find it super strange that there are four bridges to Staten Island? Does anyone find it strange that the Statue of Liberty is located on Liberty Island? I can't help but wonder if there aren't a lot of people in New York who would swear up and down that there were no bridges to Staten Island, let alone four, and that the Statue of Liberty, according to my memory was located at Ellis Island.

Now I realize I had a rep. for being crazy, but this isn't crazy talk. There are many people who remember these things as I do. I just can't help but wonder why more people, especially from NYC don't seem to think this is strange, or they aren't saying anything.

What say you?

Guaruj

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #211 on: November 19, 2015, 05:22:02 PM »
stolendance -

I'm glad you found us, but I'm sorry that you needed to. It must be quite a shock to lose your husband so unexpectedly, and especially while he was in hospital care. My wife also died unexpectedly while in the hospital, but this was after 8 years of cancer treatment.

I don't know what city you live in, but you may find other here who live nearby. I hope, when you're ready, that your new city offers you some comforting diversions.

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Guaruj

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #212 on: November 19, 2015, 05:40:57 PM »
Doesn't anyone, especially from New York City find it super strange that there are four bridges to Staten Island?

I'm from Boston myself, but I visited NYC, including Staten Island, back in August. Many people ride the Staten Island Ferry from Manhattan, and that ride is about 5 miles or so. The ferry is free to ride, and that allows people from Staten Island (which is a borough of NYC) to commute to Manhattan without blowing their wages on transportation. Many other people in New York ride the ferry for a cheap day trip with pleasant views on the water.

The bridges on Staten Island connect it to Brooklyn and New Jersey, but it's easy for people who don't drive in those places to assume that the ferry is the only way on and off the island.

Quote
Does anyone find it strange that the Statue of Liberty is located on Liberty Island? I can't help but wonder if there aren't a lot of people in New York who would swear up and down that there were no bridges to Staten Island, let alone four, and that the Statue of Liberty, according to my memory was located at Ellis Island.

The Staten Island Ferry passes by both the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. Both of these sites were extensively renovated by a well-publicized philanthropic project in the mid-1980's. Many Americans associate both sites with waves of immigrants who arrived by boat in the early 20th century: Those immigrants passed by the Statue of Liberty, which symbolized the promise of the United States, on their way to Ellis Island, where they went through the much-less-romantic process of passing through our immigration system. I can see how one might conclude that the statue and the immigration center are adjacent.

My grandmother immigrated through Ellis Island and absolutely hated every minute of it. Tourists visit their now, but she always told me that it was disgusting place back in the 1920's.

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« Last Edit: November 19, 2015, 08:07:20 PM by Guaruj »

TheOtherHalf

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #213 on: November 19, 2015, 07:49:05 PM »
Hello, and thank you so much for taking this seriously and responding. Just so I understand, you're saying that there are brides on Ellis Island which connect Ellis Island to Brooklyn/NJ, or these bridges are connected to Staten Island? I know you've spoken plainly and clearly, but I have a thick head when it comes to some things, so thanks for your patience.

While I'm at it, Mongolia! Who knew it was a country? I thought it was lost in the mists of time, but, it has a capital city and everything. I admit, I have totally tuned out over these last eleven years, it looks like a lot has happened in my absence. Or maybe there's an explanation as Guaruja suggests. Sorry I don't know how to use accent keys, but pleased to meet you.

Guaruj

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  • Posts: 218
Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #214 on: November 19, 2015, 08:11:00 PM »
Hello, and thank you so much for taking this seriously and responding. Just so I understand, you're saying that there are brides on Ellis Island which connect Ellis Island to Brooklyn/NJ, or these bridges are connected to Staten Island?

Actually, I was thick-headed when I wrote that sentence. I just now edited it to say that those bridges go to Staten Island. Ellis Island is comparatively tiny.

You can see all of this by searching Google Maps for "Staten Island NY".

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TheOtherHalf

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #215 on: November 19, 2015, 08:24:24 PM »
I have searched photos and I'm not really understanding what I am seeing. From what I understand now, there are four bridges that connect Staten Island to Manhattan and some of the surrounding areas, as you have mentioned, Brooklyn and New Jersey. I have looked for photos that show the four bridges, but I can't find them.

Don't worry about it this is one of the avenues I wanted to explore in order to get a handle on it. I guess no one has any issues with Mongolia being a country either. Anyway, if that should change with anyone, this post is here. I'll check back now and again.

TheOtherHalf

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #216 on: November 19, 2015, 08:53:21 PM »
Just to clarify, I have seen photos of the four bridges, but I could not find images of Staten Island with more than one bridge connecting it to New York.

I have to say, reading the names of the bridges for the first time, or even seeing those names for the first time, looking up when they were constructed, and finding newspaper articles describing how the Goethe Bridge I believe, is being completely re done. Then looking Mongolia, and its "new" history, at least new to me, its currency, its culture, its architecture all for the very first time - it feels like I am in a completely different place and time.

I remember the deaths of Jim Nabors, David Soul, and Gene Wilder, but not that Anderson guy. But they didn't happen either. As I said, I'm not the only one and I just wondered if this rings a bell here.

brandylee

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #217 on: November 20, 2015, 01:14:04 AM »
Im brandy. Today would have been austin's 37th birthday. He died kn august 31 this year in a car crash. We had three very handful like kids 9, 5 and 2. Im still feeling like now i just have to crawl.through this shitty new life that i hate. We were each other's best friends, so we pretty much spent any time he wasn't working together (i was a housewife/ stay at home mom/ whatever phrase offends you the east bc i dont care.) My three little handfuls make it impossible to greive. Theyre busy fighting, being hyper, breaking stuff, etc. In some ways thts probably lucky, but it means i burst into weird.child-like snivel-fits my husband probably would hsve made fun of.lol,i miss his sick sense of.humor like that. Existing hurts right now, but its totally necessary because of the kids.

donswife

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #218 on: November 20, 2015, 06:45:32 AM »
hi brandy ,
so sorry you are here but glad you found a place to come and post
slowly crawling through this shitty life is something we understand , don't like it but understand it
and those burst of crying , yup know that also
take care
My everything

brandylee

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #219 on: November 21, 2015, 01:11:58 AM »
Im glad theres someone it makes sense too...well not glad it does. But glad weve found a place to be.  Its better than trying to comfort someoe else from their discomfort of our situation

mizjsea

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #220 on: November 21, 2015, 09:00:31 AM »
Hi Brandy. I lost my husband the August before last. I am sorry for your loss. My kids are older and I can't imagine suffering this tragedy with young kids and my heart goes out to those who have. I think young kids are a double edged sword in that you are forced to function and have the purpose of "them" but on the other hand I know it is exhausting and depleting. When my kids were young I just kind of laughed at the advice "take time for yourself" so I hate to even say it. But  am wishing you luck, strength and hugs.

TheNewNormal

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #221 on: November 22, 2015, 10:17:35 AM »
Hi all,

I've been lurking for the last couple of months, finding solace in reading everyone's stories and suggestions with coping and it's made a tremendous impact on helping me get through my grief.  Thank you to everyone that's contributed.

It was back in June when lost my wife of 4 years. We were together for 11 years and it was the best 11 years of my life. She left behind 2 daughters, just 2 months and shy of 3 years at the time of her death. She died from a rare infection. It was fast(ish). She got sick on Sunday night, hospitalized on Wednesday morning, passed early morning Thursday.  She put up a good fight til the end, having suffered 2 cardiac arrests but bouncing back from both. She know she had to stay not just for her 2 daughters but for me also. But in the end she succumbed.

The last few months have been....blah. It's been difficult and the fact that we had an polyamorous relationship makes it that much more complicated. Nonetheless, I get my strength to get up and out of bed everyday from my girls.

I hate to be part of this "club" but I'm very glad I found others that are on the same page of me. I wish everyone the best on this long and winding road we call widowhood.

MikeWithKids

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #222 on: November 26, 2015, 11:02:03 PM »
Hi,

Recently found this again thanks to RobFTC and thought I should say hi. I was a previous member of the YWBB.

Five years ago I suddenly lost my wife to a postpartum pregnancy complication. I have an eight year old and a five year old I have been raising myself since then. I've had the support of many people over the past five years but I have really done most of the work on my own (and with a huge amount of help from an amazing nanny I found a few months after losing my wife.) I'm glad you all have a forum here again.

I have my ups and downs just like anyone. Mostly doing alright now, though there are still some bad days.

-Mike
« Last Edit: November 26, 2015, 11:09:41 PM by MikeWithKids »

alemja

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  • Posts: 18
Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #223 on: December 01, 2015, 02:12:54 AM »
Hi everyone, I am also an old YWBB member, came across this page via the facebook one.

Hold on Brandy, the days and weeks will pass and life will go on, with young kids there is no avoiding it.

I lost my husband on June 4th 2013, my children were 5 and 7 at the time, it was completely unexpected, he had bipolar disorder and took his life after a particularly bad manic episode.

I am a control freak and I was sure that I could work my way through this grief thing right and come out fine and "over it" on the other side. What a laugh, right;) !?
Its been a very painful lesson to learn that you cant "finish" grieving, that we will carry this loss forever. But I have come to realise that life can carry one along side that loss.
I met another young widower by chance 9 months out, he had lost his wife 6 months before and he also had two kids, aged 5 and 7 when she passed. At first it was such a relief to make a friend who "got it", very very quickly fell for each other and now, 21 months later we are engaged and have been living together for a year already. Our kids consider each other siblings and we all get each others loss, we live (really live, laugh, play enjoy) and grieve together. The kids comfort each other and cheer each other up the grief rears its head and my new love and I do the same for each other, there is no jealousy or discomfort when we grieve for our lost spouses. Our family pictures hang together on the walls , both new and old.
There is hope, its not an easy road at all by life can and does go on.

Alyssa

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #224 on: December 03, 2015, 09:43:46 PM »
Hi, my name is Alyssa. My husband and I were married for four years before he was KIA in Afghanistan on 9 June 2014. My husband and I were dual military. We have two young daughters. The first year I was numb went through the motions of day to day life. The shock of Jason's death and the controversy surrounding his death took a toll on me. Through therapy I have accepted I can't change what has been done. Although, it has been over a year the holidays and his bday fast approaching have brought on many emotions. I feel every emotion possible at all times. I hope being able to connect with others who have lost will help me through the  holidays.
Alyssa