Author Topic: introduce yourself here  (Read 70140 times)

jenghes

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #255 on: March 14, 2016, 11:16:52 PM »
Hello, I'm new here.   I posted a more lengthy post in the newly widowed section.   I lost my husband of 21 years, the father of our 3 children, daughters 19, 16, and son 8 to suicide on February 13, 2016.

I am a walking train wreck.  I am sad, guilty, angry all at the same time.   I thought there were stages of greif.  I am not seeing stages, I am experiencing them all at the same time.

I am hoping to find some comfort, some listening ears here.  I need something.  Tried counseling and it didn't seem to feel right.  Neither me nor my daughter connected with our therapist.

Jen

BrokenHeart2

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #256 on: March 15, 2016, 01:43:16 AM »
Hi Jen, I'm so sorry you had to join us but am glad you found us.  You will find amazing support here as we 'get it'. We've been there. Please remember being so early out to breathe, drink lots of water (as crying is dehydrating) and try to get some sleep as best you can.  The early days are excruciating so be kind and gentle with yourself.  Giant hugs to you and your daughter.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

MonyC

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #257 on: March 19, 2016, 09:20:20 PM »
I'm not sure why it took me so long to get here?! I honestly didn't know about the new site for a long time and one of our fellow wids told me about it and here I am finally.  I was on YWBB as mony as well and I have to say that I'm missed having a place as an outlet to go to.

My Jose died 3 years ago yesterday, the 18th.  His official cause of death was liver failure, but he struggled with mental illness for most of his life.....I think of that as the cause of his death, but that's just how I look at it.  I'm 33, still trying to figure out this new life of mine, still trying to figure out how to be happy again one day.  I feel like life has somewhat stood still in these last 3 years and honestly, can't believe it's been that long.  It still feels like it just happened, but since yesterday was the "day", I could just be feeling down more than usual. 

I may not have posted all that much on the last board, but I read A LOT!  I don't know how I would have survived without finding others on here who actually understood what I felt, and how I felt. I was truly in a fog my first year and diagnosed with PTSD when I finally found a therapist a year after he passed.....which helped explained a lot of my craziness.   Each day is still a struggle, even this far out. Some days of course are easier and I am able to manage a lot of anxiety and fear, but not all of the time.  Anyways, I am so glad to be back to a place of understanding with all of you. 
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.

SoVerySad

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #258 on: March 21, 2016, 10:34:13 AM »
MonyC, When I saw the username as a new member, I wondered if it was you. It is good to hear from you. We are very close in timeline, as my T died 3 years ago today. I have thought about you from time to time, along with others that lost our lives in that same timeframe. I'm still struggling as well, so I understand. I'm glad you found your way back to us.

Sending you a tight hug...
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.

Johannus

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #259 on: June 14, 2016, 07:07:58 AM »
Hello all,

I've been a registered member for a few weeks now, but didn't get the chance to really read or write yet.

My wife died last year, summer. It's been almost a year now. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013. Our son was about 9 months at the time. We've been through it all, but in the end she never really had a chance apparently. 

It's been almost 11 months since she passed away, and I'm been coping just on the rush ever since. I've got two lovely kids, the youngest at the age of 3 and my daughter is 6. Every few months I look back at what I've been doing, and where I am today,. and every time I am surprised.

Seen a lot of friends disappear, and ran into the wall of misunderstanding. Experienced the 'Overwelming Silence' and found myself on the couch, feeling lonely. Loneliness..  I've found a therapist and she helped to understand myself quite a bit.  Fear, Grief, Emotions, Crying, Insomnia. Everything.

I need to find myself again. I've lost myself, and the caregiving for my wife had it's effect on my kids.
From about 9 months till about 2,5 years of age, I wasn't able to take care of my son the way I would have wanted. And now, I'm lacking the energy to "make things right",. (as if that would be possible anyway).

Slowly I'm accepting this new state of family. The three of us. That's it.




« Last Edit: June 14, 2016, 07:42:48 AM by Johannus »

Wheelerswife

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  • Widowed x 2.
Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #260 on: June 14, 2016, 07:59:56 AM »
Johannus,

Welcome to this online community.  I'm so sorry you lost your wife and the mother to your children.  We do have some other young fathers amongst us, although they are many fewer than young mothers, but you can still find common experiences with others here.  Widowhood, especially for younger people, can really be a lonely place, as you have experienced.  I have gained much from the camaraderie with others in similar positions.  It helps to know that we aren't the only ones in this situation.  I hope you can get some reinforcement with others who are struggling to raise very young children having been a caregiver, and then being left to grieve and take care of children at the same time.

Hugs,

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

TofinoMan

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #261 on: June 26, 2016, 01:41:51 PM »
Hello, and thanks for allowing me to join.
Find most people don't understand how i really feel.
So why not try reading where people who went through it may actually have an idea how much I hurt but can't explain it in words to others.
I'm crappy at putting it in words, and confused to because my feelings keep changing.
The final straw to even mentioning that I lost my wife was when a woman said she understood how i feel because she recently lost her cat.
My response is my responsibility...I'm an adult who cannot even deal with society right now.
But getting angry was still wrong.
Don't even have a clue what to say to my daughter when she asks me questions.

Ian
I have a daughter named Boo, a dog called Stick, and a truck named Zane Grey. My neighbors think I am nuts when they hear me yell Boo and Stick get in Zane.
Best part is neighbors leave the crazy guy alone.....

SunshineFL

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #262 on: June 26, 2016, 07:20:58 PM »
...
Find most people don't understand how i really feel.
...
The final straw to even mentioning that I lost my wife was when a woman said she understood how i feel because she recently lost her cat.
...
Don't even have a clue what to say to my daughter when she asks me questions.

Ian


Hi, Ian - I see you were brave and posted your first post here, so, while I'm logged on, let me please extend a welcome word and a cyber hug of caring through the screen.  Sorry you had reason to find yourself here, but you have discovered an amazing online community of people all around the world, at different stages on their widowed journey, all offering wisdom, kindness, support and encouragement.

True, most people don't understand. And, yes, it is impossible to find adequate words to describe the early emotions when the pain runs so deep.

And that woman who compared the loss of your wife to the loss of her cat, well, she is just a dolt - ignore her. Don't worry a moment about having a real reaction in a surreal situation. I will say that most/many of us here have had someone, somewhere, at some point in time, say something outrageous.  If I recall correctly, there is even a thread about it here.

And what to say to your sweet daughter, so much of that depends on her age, readiness to understand the unimaginable. There is an entire board for widowed parents with a lot of good guidance there. What I found as I shepherded my three after their dad/my late husband's passing was honesty, loving words, patience and an effort to try to give them a renewed foundation of safety when the foundation of the world as they knew it had disappeared. Daily, sometimes in the moment, doing the best I could in the moment we had, choosing love each day in our efforts to heal. It has been 7 years now.  Just shining a ray of light when I know your world feels very dark right now.

Please know - you are not alone.
Post often, share and connect. Lots of good people here - and here for each other.
Warm wishes from FL

TofinoMan

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #263 on: June 26, 2016, 09:22:16 PM »
...
Find most people don't understand how i really feel.
...
The final straw to even mentioning that I lost my wife was when a woman said she understood how i feel because she recently lost her cat.
...
Don't even have a clue what to say to my daughter when she asks me questions.

Ian


Hi, Ian - I see you were brave and posted your first post here, so, while I'm logged on, let me please extend a welcome word and a cyber hug of caring through the screen.  Sorry you had reason to find yourself here, but you have discovered an amazing online community of people all around the world, at different stages on their widowed journey, all offering wisdom, kindness, support and encouragement.

True, most people don't understand. And, yes, it is impossible to find adequate words to describe the early emotions when the pain runs so deep.

And that woman who compared the loss of your wife to the loss of her cat, well, she is just a dolt - ignore her. Don't worry a moment about having a real reaction in a surreal situation. I will say that most/many of us here have had someone, somewhere, at some point in time, say something outrageous.  If I recall correctly, there is even a thread about it here.

And what to say to your sweet daughter, so much of that depends on her age, readiness to understand the unimaginable. There is an entire board for widowed parents with a lot of good guidance there. What I found as I shepherded my three after their dad/my late husband's passing was honesty, loving words, patience and an effort to try to give them a renewed foundation of safety when the foundation of the world as they knew it had disappeared. Daily, sometimes in the moment, doing the best I could in the moment we had, choosing love each day in our efforts to heal. It has been 7 years now.  Just shining a ray of light when I know your world feels very dark right now.

Please know - you are not alone.
Post often, share and connect. Lots of good people here - and here for each other.
Warm wishes from FL

Thank you.

She turned 5 just last month.

We spent Friday out on the boat and had a great day.
Then yesterday I drove her a bit over 2 hours to meet with her grandparents  (Jenny's parents ) at roughly the mid point between us.
After I had a nice lunch in Parksville with them, I drove the couple hours home with some good old school rock music blasting in the car since I was alone.
Once home I reheated a cup of coffee and sat down on the sundeck.
That is when i hit the worst of it.
I thought I was doing better.
The past few weeks it hasn't been as bad it seems.
Then 2 months and 26 days in I hit a new low.
Not even sure if I am more sad or mad.
But I just screamed and smashed my favorite coffee mug.
Could not sleep so joined this site.
I'm a mess today and even a nice motorcycle ride didn't feel right and its usually one of the best things to make me feel better is a good ride.

Today cleaning up the mess of broken glass and coffee stains i realize that my getting better is maybe not really better.
I promised them they could have my baby girl till Wednesday, and its all i could do this afternoon to not call and say I needher home.
I'm just not my usual confident self.
Barely able to make a simple choice of what to cook for dinner...so i just went out and ate alone.
Spent much of today somewhere between crying and ready to punch a hole in a wall or smashing more dishes.
I have a daughter named Boo, a dog called Stick, and a truck named Zane Grey. My neighbors think I am nuts when they hear me yell Boo and Stick get in Zane.
Best part is neighbors leave the crazy guy alone.....

MrsT85

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  • Widowed by a car accident at age 27
Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #264 on: June 27, 2016, 06:08:49 AM »

Spent much of today somewhere between crying and ready to punch a hole in a wall or smashing more dishes.


When I was feeling especially destructive I would scream and hurl ice cubes at the tile wall in the shower or outside at the side of the house and sidewalk in the backyard (it was a really good trick I learned from a mental illness podcast I used to listen to).  There was still the release of smashing something, but without the damage or cleanup.

I'm so sorry you had reason to join us here, but glad you found us. 
Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face

Do You Realize??

01/12/1977-04/06/2013

Jess

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #265 on: June 27, 2016, 10:02:17 AM »
The evil part of me that I never indulged when someone compared a loss of a pet to my loss of my husband wanted to say "Oh, your cat was your lover, too? You DO get it!" I am a way more fun person in my unspoken comebacks.
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014

Ruth

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #266 on: July 07, 2016, 08:37:48 AM »
I was looking for this thread yesterday evening, but couldn't find it. Anyway, I'll introduce myself here now.

I grew up in a community/group that had quite some different customs, etc. as the place I live now. I was fourteen when I married my twenty-year-old husband Michael. We were married a little over five years when he died in April 2015.

What makes it more painful is that I was pregnant at the time he died. He didn't even know if it was a boy or girl. I learned it was a girl about a week later, the same day I lost our daugther. I had nothing left so when I got the chance to leave I did.

Where I live now, our marriage isn't considered legal, which makes it so much harder to talk about any of this. Especially because no one here knew my husband. The past year I've been trying to pick up the pieces and building a new life for myself. There hasn't been much room for my feelings, so the pain of loosing him is only really starting to hit me now.

Thank you for providing this place,
Ruth
As your wife I was proud and honoured, as your widow I will be too.
You died the way you lived - trying to do what was right.

Lisa

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #267 on: July 07, 2016, 06:53:03 PM »
Welcome Ruth
"All the waves must reach the shore before the water calms"-Ray ♡

TofinoMan

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #268 on: July 07, 2016, 11:35:30 PM »
I was looking for this thread yesterday evening, but couldn't find it. Anyway, I'll introduce myself here now.

I grew up in a community/group that had quite some different customs, etc. as the place I live now. I was fourteen when I married my twenty-year-old husband Michael. We were married a little over five years when he died in April 2015.

What makes it more painful is that I was pregnant at the time he died. He didn't even know if it was a boy or girl. I learned it was a girl about a week later, the same day I lost our daugther. I had nothing left so when I got the chance to leave I did.

Where I live now, our marriage isn't considered legal, which makes it so much harder to talk about any of this. Especially because no one here knew my husband. The past year I've been trying to pick up the pieces and building a new life for myself. There hasn't been much room for my feelings, so the pain of loosing him is only really starting to hit me now.

Thank you for providing this place,
Ruth

Hello Ruth.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Welcome to the club that it sucks you had to join.
These are good people here.
I'm new yet, but I think this place is a God send.
Please call me Fly as everyone else does.
Blessings ☺
I have a daughter named Boo, a dog called Stick, and a truck named Zane Grey. My neighbors think I am nuts when they hear me yell Boo and Stick get in Zane.
Best part is neighbors leave the crazy guy alone.....

Now and Zen

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #269 on: August 18, 2016, 08:06:51 AM »
Hello to everyone, I'm new here I just recently join.  My name is Rudy AKA Now and Zen.  I lost my wife to cancer about 1-1/2 years ago. She died from head and neck cancer, that was very aggressive. After many different treatments there were no more options to treat her cancer, She was very brave, and right to the end was the strongest of us two. She was my whole life , we were married for a 33 years. When she pass I felt like in many ways I had lost myself. I have read many of the subject posted here and really appreciate each and everyone of you, for sharing. It's been very helpful to see that so many of the things I felt were not abnormal for widow people to go through. What I have learned here is very calming in an otherwise crazy world.  Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. 
« Last Edit: August 18, 2016, 08:25:13 AM by Now and Zen »