Author Topic: introduce yourself here  (Read 69735 times)

Julester3

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #270 on: August 20, 2016, 11:40:11 PM »
Hi all. I'm Julie. I just joined in today though the site was recommended by a friend, also a widow, awhile ago. I wasn't ready to talk. I needed to work things out in my head. I lost my husband April 7th this last spring to a heart attack. He went to tennis drills in the evenings just like he always did on Thursdays and he never came home that night. He had no history of heart disease and had exhibited no symptoms so to find out this is why he died, just devastates me. For me, it means you can't control what is meant to happen. You can only live life as best as you can and accept it. I tell the kids we never have to like it, we just have to accept it.

We were married 15 years but we met in middle school and later dated through college so we have had our lives intertwined for 28 years of our 41 years. We have 2 kids, 16 and 12, so we do have a bit of him left in this world. I spent the rest of the month of April making sure the girls were well supported and could go back to school to finish the year. I went to work full time because we needed health insurance and extra household funds since my husband made most of our family income. I was lucky I was already working part time for the last 12 years because he didn't want me to work too much so I could be better flexible with the kids and their needs. I simply re-negotiated my contract with my employers.

So, I get by on sheer stubbornness, fretting over the kids, keeping the pets in line, trying to keep my house in order, and what little time is left, I have hobbies I love to do to keep me busy. So I am literally exhausting myself so the grief doesn't take over and so I can sleep at least a solid 6 hours each night. I am functioning but I have to admit I avoid people because all I get is awkward sympathy. I don't want to hear it anymore. I have found in the past sharing with people of like purpose to be helpful in other situations so I knew I was finally ready for a community such as this. The girls and I go to a support group locally here and I was shocked how many young widows there were in attendance. We commonly are looking to solidify our children's well being but that didn't give *me* much support. So I hope to be a regular active member here, to contribute and listen.

Ivy

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #271 on: September 13, 2016, 07:51:51 PM »
Hi. I'm IVY. I joined YWBB several years ago, but never posted much. I don't remember what my user name was on there.I spent a lot of time reading posts and found comfort there. It's been a while since I looked on YWBB, and was surprised that it was not there, but I'm glad this site is available. I'm nine years out now, and my children are almost all grown up.I don't really know what else to say right now. I just wanted to say hello and introduce myself.

Sirin

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #272 on: September 15, 2016, 09:31:24 AM »
Hi everyone. I'm Sirin.  I found this site through random Internet searching, and glad I did.
I'm 32 years old.  I lost my husband (who was 33) to random heart attack/stroke (official cause of death is still pending) six weeks ago.  We've been together for eleven years (married for nine).  Didn't have any children, only dogs.  We were soulmates and best friends, it was always "us against the world", and now very suddenly it's just me. 

yogamom72

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #273 on: September 16, 2016, 09:57:05 PM »
I am Tina.  My husband died on September 8, 2016, from liver failure and congestive heart failure.  He was 51 and I am 43.  We have 3 children ages 17, 13 & 11.  He had been sick since his diagnosis in March, 2016, but we were in and out of the hospital in July and August due to complications and various treatments.  We officially signed on with hospice on September 1, 2016 and he died in a hospice house a week later.

This is still very fresh and raw for my family.  My boys are each handling their grief differently and leaning on me a great deal for support.  I wouldn't have it any other way but it is exhausting.  I will resume full time work in a couple of more weeks so I anticipate that I will feel spread pretty thin.

I am hoping to find a local support group in my area so that I can meet other widows in real life.  I don't have the energy for that right now though and I think forums are a great alternative.

Thanks for adding me.

calimom

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #274 on: September 16, 2016, 11:13:36 PM »
Welcome, Sirin and Yogamom. So sorry for your losses and please know you'll find support here. Take care, things do get more manageable.
"I'm breaking through, I'm bending spoons, I'm keeping flowers in full bloom" - REM

JustLola

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #275 on: October 04, 2016, 12:20:37 AM »
Hi all,

Nice to meet you, sorry we all have to be here. I'm Lola and brand new.

I lost my husband on March 28 of this year. I can still hardly type that sentence without tears. He had pancreatic cancer and died at age 52. Fourteen months from perfectly healthy person with a bright future, to someone who isn't here anymore. Since he passed, we've gotten through his birthday, our son's 16th birthday, and what would have been our 24th wedding anniversary. Our daughter's 20th is coming up next week. That's a lot to process in 6 months. As you all know, the "firsts" are hardest to endure.

Thanks for having this site.
« Last Edit: October 04, 2016, 12:24:54 AM by JustLola »

Gussie

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #276 on: October 04, 2016, 03:30:06 PM »
I am so very sorry for your loss. Your husband was much too young. Mine was 57 and it was a sudden death. Two years ago. At the time our son had just turned 13. Nothing easy or fair about it. I feel for you and am wishing you peace and strength.
« Last Edit: October 04, 2016, 03:32:04 PM by Gussie »

JustLola

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #277 on: October 11, 2016, 12:35:39 AM »
Thank you, Gussie. I'm so sorry for your loss and that of your son. What a tough time to lose his Dad.


Adley

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #278 on: October 31, 2016, 12:10:19 PM »
Hello everybody, I wish I'd found this site long ago. Thank you all for sharing your stories and encouraging words.  Jessica was my lover and best friend. We were together eight years and married almost five.  On our fourth wedding anniversary she was diagnosed with cervical cancer.  We knew we could beat it, she was vibrant and athletic and a natural born scrapper.  We did everything the doctors said, and chemo withered her away. She died in a Boston hospital seven and a half months later. I was right there with her.  Our children were two, three, and five. The dreams, the sadness, the anger, the loneliness, I hear you all loud and clear.  The ring, the bed, crazy comments, photos, triggers, children, lost careers, the hope, thank you all so much for sharing. You all have given me hope.  To the newly widowed- just hold on for a while. Eventually you will find yourself smiling over some small thing without realizing it. Not every day at first, and maybe not for long, but it will happen and become more frequent. You can do this, there are genuine people here who have been through a similar situation. Sending you all the best, Adley.
Here's to my pretty young wife     sleepin amongst the stars           now they say what's hers is mine but I know what's ours is ours

Mary3k

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #279 on: November 01, 2016, 10:07:09 PM »
HI,
I'm new here :). I lost my husband in May of 2013 after an extended illness -- but he committed suicide after he got out of the hospital. The story is too long to share right now. But, I was so angry and hurt that I got remarried in 2014. Well, that turned out to be a disaster --Talk about learning how to recover from to deep emotional blows at the same time.  I think my friends an family are tired of my drama.  Personally, I am tired of my drama too!  I just can't wait for my life to be "normal" again.  I was the wealthy soccer mom that "had it all" and it pretty much all blew up in my face. 

I am just sad now.  Honestly, I was so angry after Lance died that I didn't cry. I just "moved on". But now, that my ex-husband is out of the house, I miss Lance so very much.  It's like all the grief I had from him dying just erupted, and now I am just so sad and I miss him, every day, all the time.  The bad part is, that everyone else has moved on ... like 3 years ago... and I am just newly grieving again.  Nobody wants to hear about how sad I am because they "got over it" a few years ago.  I found this forum in hopes of being able to find an outlet to discuss my feelings without burning my friends and family out. Like I said, they are tired of my "man-drama". 

Thank you for giving me an outlet to express myself.  It is helpful to know that there is a place for me to talk to someone :).
Mary

Wheelerswife

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  • Widowed x 2.
Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #280 on: November 02, 2016, 06:42:53 AM »
Welcome, Mary.

I'm sorry that you have the circumstances in your life to qualify you to be a part of our club.  You are certainly welcome here and can vent to your heart's desire.  You bring your own story to the group that can also enlighten others, but we are also here to give you support.  Honestly, nobody knows how they will react to the loss of a beloved spouse or partner until it happens to them.  There are so many emotions surrounding our losses, and I imagine things are even more complicated when that person that you loved ended his own life.  That isn't my experience, but others here have lost spouses to suicide and can offer you a different kind of understanding.

I hope you feel comfortable here and telling your story as much as you feel comfortable.

Hugs,

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

Mary3k

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #281 on: November 03, 2016, 08:49:37 PM »
Thank you. I appreciate your love and support. Life is definitely an interesting journey, isn't it? I have learned SO many lessons in life that I wish I could share with people. I seriously want to write a book -- about what NOT to do when your husband dies. haha. I can share TONS of what not to dos!

pamtxmom

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #282 on: November 06, 2016, 09:30:56 AM »
I am Pam, Paul’s wife, and mother of our two daughters (20 and 17 years). Paul and I met at our jobs more than 26 years ago.  We dated for 3 years, and lived together for 3 years before marrying. With our oldest in college and the youngest a junior in high school, we were starting to plan retirement. Paul has been my everything for more than 26 years.

We celebrated our 20th anniversary in February of 2016.  He gave me a beautiful gold heart set with emeralds (my birthstone).  He totally surprised me with that.  I was still working on his gift (an album of our 20+ years together).  I had planned to give it to him at Christmas. Now that opportunity is gone forever.

My husband and I were older when we had our children and we poured a lot of our energy into them.  (Our daughters are 20 and 17) He had a son from a previous marriage too and spent time helping him with working on car engines and building projects.

He loved taking our daughters to museums and teaching them about history.  When we traveled, we always stopped at state capitols.  My husband only lacked two (Alaska and Maine) to have been to all 50 State Capitols.  My husband did dance recitals with the girls when asked to, and he took them to the Daddy Daughter Dance at our local rec center every February.

My husband also volunteered in the community: he donated blood as often as they called him; he loved to volunteer at charity golf events, marathons, professional sporting events and our local historical museum.  He got one of his bucket list wishes a couple of years ago when he volunteered for the half time crew at the Super Bowl when they played in Dallas. He helped move the pieces of the stage on and off the field.

My husband swam 5 days a week at the natatorium and went walking/cycling every day at the local rec center. He saw his Dr. every month to monitor his blood pressure and cholesterol.

Early on the morning of Oct. 19th Paul woke me up and said he thought he was having a stroke, and that he hurt all over. He told me he had already taken an aspirin.  I got up and called 911 and got dressed and unlocked the door while we waited for them.  Emergency arrived and prepped him for the ambulance ride and asked if I wanted to go with them.  I said no, I’d drive myself.  I regret that decision. But I had no idea he’d never come home.

My husband Paul died just 3 hours after he woke me up, of a dissecting aortic aneurysm, at the age of 63.

I am devastated. Our daughters are devastated.  We chose to celebrate his life rather than have a funeral or memorial service. We gathered in the Old Church at the historical park where he volunteered and played his favorite Willie Nelson song, “Angel Flying too Close to the Ground” and told stories about him.

I am moving slowly through the days trying to take care of the “business” of death. I cry all the time and am exhausted at the end of every day. I keep waiting for Paul to call and tell me when he’ll be home. The emptiness is all around me. But, I keep moving forward for our daughters’ sakes.
pamtxmom

Julester3

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #283 on: November 06, 2016, 01:22:09 PM »
Hugs Pam, I know the feeling all too well. Try to have a good day today.

SimiRed

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  • Widowed 9-19-09 Joined YWBB 10-2009
Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #284 on: November 06, 2016, 07:37:01 PM »
Pam,

I am so heartbroken that you have to be a member of a group that none of us ever wanted to be a member of.  You are a great friend, I am so sorry for you loss, but happy you have found your way here. 

There is a great amount of support here, we all understand the road of grief and all the pain that goes with it.

Paul was a wonderful man, great husband and father.  You make him proud everyday.

{{{Hugs}}}
~Tracey~
My wonderful husband Rick of 19 years, 12/11/67 - 9/20/09 Neuroendocrine cancer.
I still miss you everyday, I go forward, but my mind stands still.