Author Topic: introduce yourself here  (Read 71666 times)

Carey

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  • Widowed 11/23/13 Joined YWBB 12/2/13
Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #30 on: March 09, 2015, 09:45:46 AM »
Hi. I was Amy_Carey on the other forum. Decided maybe it wasn't best to have my full name as my username but couldn't be creative this early on a Monday to save my life :)  I joined YWBB 9 days after losing my husband on 11/23/13.  His death was complicated and I guess I am a complicated griever.  Our 17th wedding anniversary was a week to the day after he died. He died on his 42nd birthday.  I loved my Chad, I know that I did, but our marriage was not easy and living with him was hard. He had a severe problem with alcohol but also had all the good intentions in the world.  He was a jet engine mechanic. He had been in the air force and then worked for 16 years doing the same job as a civilian contractor. He was VERY good at his job and was devastated when the military cut the contract positions and he was laid off. He didn't know who he was or what to do without that job.  VERY long story short, he took a temporary civilian contractor position for one year in Saudi Arabia. He died there after he had been there 9 months due to sleep apnea complicated by alcoholism.  The story is much longer but that's the nutshell.  I am so very thankful to this board being here now that YWBB is gone because I am still struggling quite a bit and the support of fellow wids has been invaluable. My heartfelt thanks for taking this on.
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

tmppgh2015

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  • Posts: 19
Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #31 on: March 09, 2015, 10:15:24 AM »
Hi my names Tracy and I'm actually from pittsburgh pa... I can't thank those enough who put this board together... I'm not one to post a lot, but I frequent the board often... March 8, 2015 was my 1 year without my Todd... Todd was my hero... He was diagnoised with colon cancer when he was 35. He battle many setbacks both cancer related and not... Seems once one thing goes wrong the rest of your body does crazy things too... Despite all he went through Todd was the most inspirational and positive person I know and I try to draw on that to help me through... I still have many rough days, but I am blessed to have a great support system of both family and friends. I still sit her and can't believe I am 38 and widowed... Todd and I were together for 20 years and married for 18... I do realize I am blessed that I did have that time, but it's still not enough. This year I am trying to learn who I am. Todd and I grew up together. When they say your grief process is your grief process they aren't lying. I know I have made mistakes, I am trying to be better. The ywbb has helped me with my struggles to know I'm not alone and some of my feelings are normal. I hope to be more active thru this forum as it seems being a year out I've come to reality and do need help.

Love mike

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #32 on: March 09, 2015, 11:04:25 AM »
I'm Traci and my husband Mike died suddenly in Nov. 2008.   The doctor suspected he died from a pulmonary embolism but couldn't be sure without an autopsy.   My kids did not want the autopsy performed on their dad and in my shocked state I agreed with them - I wish I had let them do it so we would know for sure.  I have four kids who are doing well. 

I don't post a lot, but read almost daily.   Thank you to those who are committed to keeping this community going.   
Love you always MJM

MelissasGypsy

  • Guest
Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #33 on: March 09, 2015, 11:53:37 AM »
I'm Rob, known by some as MG on YWBB.  I was widowed on November 5, 2013 when my wife died of complications due to a lifelong battle with a rare blood disorder.  While we battled many health issues and had a second home in the hospital over our 18.5 year marriage, her health was always regarded as something to manage rather than a detriment that would rob her of life, and me of my love.  All was "well" until the last two months of her life when the slide started, and the dominoes fell.  Pulmonary Hypertension, Right Side Heart Failure, Renal Failure and finally Liver Failure caused her to breath her last as I held her hand and told her it was okay to go.

Well over a year out and I can say the daily missing her and longing for her has mostly subsided, but the space she carved in my heart and the scars her departure left will always be there.  Some days, things bump against my bruised heart and it hurts like crazy, but I'm reminded as each day passes, that tomorrow is an opportunity to live and love on with joy.

I've learned many things about myself and about life.  But the most valuable is that love is a precious thing and worth more than all the other trappings of life combined.  And while Melissa's space will never be occupied by another, my heart is very big and there is plenty of room where another has carved her own space.  Despite my loss, I am a blessed man indeed.

Pammy

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #34 on: March 09, 2015, 12:26:59 PM »
Hi everyone. Some faces I recognize, some not, but I am also an old-timer who rarely posts. Still, I find that I read often. I am 10+ years into this journey and 8 years remarried to another member of YWBB.

Although I hate to see YWBB go away - it feels somewhat like a death - I know that life is always changing and maybe this was a good time for change for us. It looks like the new admin have things well in hand and for that I am grateful.

I doubt a day goes by that I don't think of Jeff, my late husband, at least once. The difference now is that I think of him with a calm and happy mind. He seems like a dream I once had. For those who are newer to widowhood who might be wondering,  I still remember his voice and his mannerisms. Those memories are alive and well. I can think of them now without feeling like someone punched me in the gut.

Also, you can find love again and it can be just as wonderful. Mike (new hubby) is nothing like Jeff, but thats ok. I didn't settle, I held out for love.

Do things in your own time, this is not a race or a competition to see who can "make it" first or best. What it is is a very personal, intimate journey that most other people in your life have no idea of. Typically they say things out of ignorance and not malice.

This will probably be my only post, but I do read. I wish us all blessings and a soft and safe journey.

Pammy
If there was something I didn't know about, I would know about it

Portside

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #35 on: March 09, 2015, 02:14:41 PM »
I'm Mike. My late wife died by means of a self-inflicted GSW to the chest almost 8 years ago. She suffered from crippling mental illness for 18 years and it eventually overcame her ability to fight it.

I raised my four sons then by myself and they have all moved on now to the adult stage of their lives. Two in the working world, one in college and my youngest in the Navy. Through the grace of God they've all turned out to be happy and compassionate young men.

Best wishes to all, Mike

 

The war is over for me now. But those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again, to teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

look2thesky

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #36 on: March 09, 2015, 02:36:25 PM »
Hi everyone. I'm Bruce. Short introduction as I am just beginning to navigate this new site. Just want to thank Jess and Justin and whoever else, for making this all possible. Words can't even express. Also to Mac and Baylee for forwarding a pm. I've been widowed 5 years plus. And my avatar is currently the newest addition to my new "family". A rescue.. Leo. Anyways he's filling a void for the loss of another recent loss of a 16 year old, doggie, who I lost a few months back. Anyway thank you all for letting me be a part of this new group. The older one reallly helped me through some of the darkest times. And I am thankful for you all !!!
« Last Edit: March 09, 2015, 04:26:20 PM by look2thesky »

look2thesky

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #37 on: March 09, 2015, 02:50:31 PM »
I lost my beautiful Wife, Daisy, to aggressive breast cancer, loved Her more than life itself, and have begun to learn to live, all over again. Grateful for having had known Her, for most of my adult life. I have two beautiful Daughters, one whom is now expecting a first child. Thanks for the new forum, again !!!

Izzy

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  • Hey Now
Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #38 on: March 09, 2015, 03:11:50 PM »
Hi Everyone,
8 days ago I turned 4 years of this new life. I'm so great full for this new website, for the people who put it together, for the new people I look forward on meeting and for the others I met on YWBB. I don't post much but this was the first post on YWBB a few years ago...

"I want to thank everyone for sharing their lifes and helping me keep my sanity. I am 34yrs old and I lost my wife on the emergency room on March 1st 2011. It was sudden and unexpected. No one knows what hapened and I am waiting for the autopsy report which I was told could take up to 6 months. I need to know for my own peace of mind.
She was my world, now I'm helpless, broken, empty and extremely lonely. The calls and messages have slowed down and everyone is moving on but me. My brain understands that everyone has their own life and family to worry about but not my heart. I have never suffered a loss this close to me before. No one understand what I'm going thru except for the others here. Thank you for welcoming people like me that for now don't know were to fit in."

We are all in the right place and Thanks for this new forum, Sincerely Izzy
No one should have to go thru this...

Mancino

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  • Posts: 44
  • Widowed: September, 2009 Location: SE Michigan
Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #39 on: March 09, 2015, 04:04:13 PM »
Howdy all. Thanks to those who put this new forum together so quickly.   It's good to see so many familiar names here, including several from my "class" of the fall of 2009.   I'm 5.5 years out in this journey and had just been skimming the board now and then.  I had been telling myself it's probably time to pull away from it, but when I saw that the old one had been abruptly shut down, I felt like I'd lost a friend.   This place saved my sanity back in the early days!

I kept the same name from the old board...long story short, it's a nickname my husband used for a club he belonged to.   We married later in life (me in my 40s, he in his 50s) and were married such a short time...just two years (although we were together for 7). Only 3 months after getting married, we got word that the kidney cancer he had thought he'd beaten two decades ago had returned.  What we thought was a sore back due to arthritis, ended up being stage 4 renal cell cancer that had metastasized to his spine.   He managed to last more than a year longer than the doctor first predicted, probably due to his pigheaded stubbornness, lol.   

I'll probably be more of a reader than a poster (always was), but it's nice to know that this place is still here if needed.
It didn't seem possible to take the next breath; but I realize today that I am surviving your death. Some days are hard when weakened by sorrow; Remembering you inspires me to face my tomorrow  ~Author Unknown

petesgirl77

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #40 on: March 09, 2015, 04:25:07 PM »
Hello all, my name is Valerie.  I?m six and half years out.  Wow, that sounds like a long time.  I also read a lot, but don?t post as much anymore.  Pete and I were engaged not married, but lived together for years.

I met him when I was 15 and developed a wicked crush immediately. If you?re familiar with the 80?s movie ?Sixteen Candles?, he was my Jake Ryan.  Just sitting next to him could set my little high school heart all a-flutter.  But he was cute and charming; all the girls followed him everywhere and I was too proud/shy to compete, so we stayed friends, but lost touch.
Fast forward almost a decade, and his best friend was getting married.  I knew he would come back to our little town for the event and I went to the local bar the night before, betting he would be there.  He was there and the sight of him took my breath away, all a-flutter again.  We started talking, I was no longer shy ☺, and we fell in love.  We moved to the beach and were planning on getting married.
In Aug. 2008, he was shot by a man who lived in the neighboring apartment complex during an argument.  The shooter fled and has never been caught.  Pete died with me kneeling next to him, begging him to stay with me.  These years have been incredibly difficult, but I have rebuilt my new life.  I never thought that would be possible.  I was so thankful to find YWBB when I did, and credit it with helping to save my sanity.  Thank you again to the administrators of this new home. Sending hugs to all.
 
Always and forever; P.J.D. 5/1977-8/2008

Birdbucket

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #41 on: March 09, 2015, 04:54:12 PM »
You might not recognize my name but I have been around since 2008. I didn't post a whole lot the last few years but checked in every now and again.

LH died 7 years ago in feb 2008 at age 37 from RCC. I had a baby and a three year old. Came here (or ywbb) about june or july 'o8 and read and read and read. A few months later I joined and it was a lifeline.

Coincidentally the day before the old board came down I posted a question about EMDR for my son. I don't think I'd posted for a couple of years. Still to this day if I'm faced with a grief situation of any kind, I go to the wids. I know the advice will be honest. So I'm glad this is here. you might not hear from me too often but I'll be around.

Thank you again to all the good souls who set this up!
Cheers, Jenn

SusieQ

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  • Widowed 3/2/2007
Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #42 on: March 09, 2015, 06:04:36 PM »
My name is Susan. I lost my love in 2007 to a septic infection, same year I became a member of YWBB. My former name was shescomeundone. Althought I'm no longer "undone" I still remain broken. I no longer post but read daily. I was devastated when YWBB closed so unexpectedly. Thank you to all who made this possbile.  Nice to be "home" again.
I dropped a tear in the ocean, the day you find it is the day I will stop missing you.

Wheelerswife

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  • Posts: 1112
  • Widowed x 2.
Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #43 on: March 09, 2015, 06:22:10 PM »
I'm not sure even where to start.  My name is Maureen.  My first husband Barry and I were together almost 19 years, married over 17.  He died 5 1/2 years ago of respiratory failure due to a lifelong genetic neuromuscular disease called Spinal Muscular Atrophy.  At age 2 1/2, his parents were told he would die by the age of 5.  He proved those doctors wrong and lived to be 53.  He never walked a day in his life.  I knew his prognosis for dying young when I met him, but I fell in love and took the risk of losing him.  He had every advantage in life that someone with his disease could have and we lived every day like there may not be a tomorrow.  He almost died in May of 2008 when he crashed on me at home due to rapidly developing bronchitis.  He developed a severe stress cardiomyopathy and the doctors didn't think he would survive, but I fought for him and against the odds, after 6 weeks in ICU, he pulled through, although he lost a lot of function and required a non-invasive ventilator at night and 24/7 care for the last 16 months of his life.  He got sick again a year later but pulled through that with a couple of weeks in the ICU without needing to be intubated.  He came down with a cold three months later, went quickly critical and decided against aggressive care and intubation.  He had had enough suffering.  He died peacefully, surrounded by the people who cared about him the most.  I had been an extreme caregiver for the 18 years we lived together in our home, but much more so in his last 16 months. 

I found YWBB about a month after Barry died and went to my first bago at 6 weeks out.  I still keep in regular contact with my first bago community in Connecticut, where we lived.  I became a chat room regular and started meeting widows from outside of Connecticut.  Six months into widowhood,  a widower who called himself polarbear (he was an Arctic climatologist) showed up in the chat room one night.  We had a good conversation that night and we exchanged Facebook information, too.  His first impression of me was that I looked like a nun or a lesbian.  My first impression of him?  He was WAY too hippie for me!  He came back again the following nights.  On his third night, we were the last two people left in the chat room and, wanting to tell me a long story, he asked if he could call me.  It was midnight.  I gave him my number and he called and we talked until 6 AM, a lovely but completely platonic conversation.  Long chats and phone calls continued over the successive days, when suddenly, our platonic tone changed and we both acknowledged that to each other.  A few days later, we decided it was best to meet and decide if we had compatibility.  We were investing so much time in communicating that we both felt like we needed to know if there was chemistry.  He flew from Kansas to Connecticut three weeks after our first all-night phone conversation.  The chemistry was instant.  We were already in love by this point, really.  He arrived just in time for my birthday in April.  John went back to Kansas and finished out the semester (he was a geography professor) and then came out to CT and spent 2 1/2 weeks with me.  During that time, we decided we wanted to be together.  I made plans to quit my job, sell my house and move to Kansas.  One day, in spontaneous conversation, I asked him to marry me.  I needed to know his true intentions.  He said, "Yes!"  He spent the next 6 weeks doing research at NASA Goddard Spaceflight Center in Greenbelt, MD and we spent weekends together, either in CT or in the DC area.  I started preparing my house to put it on the market.  We also went skydiving together one weekend, and he met my (stunned) family when my older sister retired from the Navy.  At the end of July, he finished his research, I had worked my last day, my house went on the market and we left CT and drove to Kansas, a place I'd never even seen.  5 days into that trip, my house sold.  I returned home for six weeks, gave away about 2/3 of what I owned, packed up the rest, closed on my house, observed the first anniversary of my husband's death, and drove to Kansas.  John and I were married 6 months later, a year after our first conversation, in March of 2011.  We were incredibly happy.  I decided not to go back to work as a physical therapist and I eventually went back to college.  We traveled as much as we could and saw parts of Italy, Ireland, Australia, Peru, China, Canada and many US states, including Alaska and Hawaii.  We had never been happier. 

In early January, 2014, I flew back to CT to bago with my best bago buddies.  That day, John didn't respond to my text messages and phone calls.  I was worried during the bago, but I didn't want to alarm some newbies that were there.  My old friends knew I was concerned.  At the end of the bago, I sat in my car in the parking lot and called the local police back in Kansas and asked them to check on John.  They didn't call back right away, and I knew my worst fears would come true.  The police chief eventually called me and I knew John was dead and even said it for him.  John had died in his sleep just a couple of hours after our last Facetime conversation the night before.  It didn't take long before word got out to my good friends from YWBB.  I was surrounded in love by dear friends that night and the next day, when a huge crew came back to be with me, even after having driven a few hours the day before to come to the bago.  Even some people I'd never met came to be with me.  I can't tell you enough how much YWBB and this group of people has meant to me.  I know I've met quite a few of you from bagos (like the awesome bago in DFW) and those I've met in my travels across the US since John died.  Some of you had the pleasure of meeting John, too, although he was much more introverted than me and you may not have gotten to know just how truly amazing a man that he was.  Thank you, though, to everyone who has been there for me, including during the time after he died when I had medical problems, major surgery and my cancer diagnosis.  Some of you guys even flew or drove to Kansas to be with me before my first oncology visit, and many of you contributed to my book of support.  What else can I say?
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

fctyler

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #44 on: March 09, 2015, 06:33:39 PM »
I have been on YWBB for almost 4 years and it was my saving grace, especially in the dark, early years.  Thank you, Rob, for leading me to widda.org, and thank you Jess for putting together a great new site.  I didn't post very often on YWBB, but I read so much and gained comfort from knowing that other people were feeling the same way I was feeling or had experienced some of the same things I did.

My husband Sean passed away in 2011 from a brain tumor.  He fought so incredibly hard for two years.  He was the epitome of bravery and grace, but sadly he didn't make it.  Brain tumor's are a bitch, but I'm extremely thankful that the tumor did not change his personality or render him disabled until about 2 weeks before he passed away.

My kids saved me when Sean died; they were my rock and still are.  It surprised me greatly how much they came to my support and I to theirs.  They are now young adults and teenagers, but I can honestly say, we don't fight much; after what we went through, there just isn't much to get really riled up about.

I'm so thankful for the 27 years Sean and I were together. (23 married)  He was truly a great friend as well as an awesome husband.  His love really made me feel a void and his memory and what he gave me through out our time together, was instrumental in making me get out there again and become social.  I met another wonderful man and feel twiced blessed.  We are getting married in June.

 Life is so messy and I've learned that I can't control life; I can only control my reaction to it.  Big life lesson.....