Author Topic: introduce yourself here  (Read 67820 times)

Lisa

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introduce yourself here
« on: March 08, 2015, 03:53:09 PM »
Welcome


If you posted already on the last forum, you can copy and paste here...


"All the waves must reach the shore before the water calms"-Ray ♡

Lisa

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2015, 03:55:27 PM »
My husband was in poor health but not sick if that makes sense. His death was very sudden right in front of me. At 5 years it hit me just how shocking the whole thing was. I too lost my identity when he died. I was a grown woman and only knew him 8 years. Yet his love had that much of an impact on my life. I was disabled from employment when he died. I still am. I live with his young adult stepson who has some special needs. Im now his guardian. We moved 5 weeks after he died and downsized and moved again a little over 2 years ago. My husband's organs were not suitable for transplant but we donated tissue. He gave sight to two people and his bone etc helped 36 additional people. He was not registered so I had to make the decision. This is why I encourage people to register so their loved ones don't have to make that decision in the worst moments of their lives. Also I know people who lost their loved ones waiting. The details are uncomfortable to think about it but I am very proud of our choice and his legacy. He was the love of my life. I miss him but I am mostly used to it now. The reason I am ok is because of the people online when the worst happened and those who are truly a part of my life now.




"All the waves must reach the shore before the water calms"-Ray ♡

Jen

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2015, 06:14:34 PM »
I'm Jen-- Just Jen now, but I was Jim's Jen, until he died suddenly and unexpectedly from a pulmonary embolism three days after his 40th birthday. I was at work-- he texted me at 3:30 to tell me he was going to get the kids from school. At 4:16 my older son called me to say, "He can't breathe and he's turning blue. What do I do?" I told him to call 911, hung up, and raced home. When I got there, the paramedics were already working on him-- he was fighting the oxygen. His heart rate started dropping, and they began coding him for real. They moved him to the ambulance; I think he was already gone by then, but they took him to the emergency room (literally across the street). He was pronounced at 5:26. My life ended along with his that day-- almost 11 months later, I look back and can scarcely believe I've made it this far. I'm still in hell, but finding sunlight peeking in here and there... I found some hope again, and a handful of reasons to live-- mainly thanks to this community.
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

kmouse

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #3 on: March 08, 2015, 07:28:50 PM »
I went back to YWBB thinking I'd do a cut 'n paste of what brought me here/there...had to click out of there. So many memories.

It's been almost 6 years since I lost my husband Richard to a sudden heart attack. Long story short, my lifelong athlete husband with no personal or family history of heart disease called me home from a normal Monday at work because he wasn't feeling well and less than 30 minutes later I was a young widow of 37. It's still shocking that so much story can be distilled to two sentences.

I don't know how to encapsulate my history with the board, the friendships I've made, the second chance at love I found at YWBB in Lonepanda, the late night chat sessions that make me grateful that chat didn't have a history function  :P, the miles and miles and miles I've walked along a road I didn't know existed. I've read that grief is love turned inside out; I feel like I've explored fathoms deep pain and joy commensurate with the enormity of just how much I adored that sweet man. I'm grateful beyond words to be on the other side of all that pain and I know Richard would be so proud of how far I've come, but there will always be that part of me that lives and loves in a far away place with him.

A wise vet on YWBB said once that her husband lived in two places years out from loss. He lived in her mind and she could freely talk about him, laugh at the great times, help other wids along the way. And then there was the place he REALLY lived...in her heart. It was in that place where the intensity of love and loss still circulated deeply and vividly. That's where I find myself, looking at beginning my seventh year without him. There's the Richard I can talk about with others easily and the smiles come automatically. That's the me (and him) that people these days see, especially as a remarried widow. And then there's the real me (and him) standing behind that door in my heart. He's standing there and I can't talk as easily and the emotions lift and swirl and take me to other places. I'm so glad all of that still, and will always, live in me because I will always need to open the door and step inside to remember.

Kudos to the crew working to rebuild what has been a lifesaver. I found the board on day two, made my first post on day 13, and leave behind on the board about 2,200 posts of some seriously good, bad, and ugly. I don't need the board like I did, but I still need to know it's there.

Kmouse...still wordy after all these years
Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale. -Anonymous

And sometimes it can give a second. -Me

RWV 7/7/56-4/13/09 I would have waited forever.

Chopperette

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #4 on: March 08, 2015, 07:32:53 PM »
Hi, I'm Chopperette. My husband of 24 years, was a healthy 52 yo. He was a helicopter pilot (hence my screen name). He had hypertension but was medicated and had it under control. He had a week were he couldn't bring his BP down. But was feeling better, he even went flying Saturday at noon. That Saturday night he complained of a splitting headache we barely slept that night. I kept asking him if he wanted to go to the hospital but he kept refusing. Sunday morning (St Patrick's Day ha the luck of the Irish wasn't with me) he went downstairs and fed the dogs. When he came to our room he started to get dressed and I asked him where he was going. He didn't answer me. He went downstairs and yelled to me to take him to the hospital. I told him that I'll take him as soon as I got dressed. When I came down, he had the car running, the garage door opened and he was seated in the copilot's seat. I drove him to the nearest hospital and he complained that I was driving too fast, which I wasn't I think he was dizzy. I noticed that he wasn't wearing his seat belt and asked him to buckle up. He told me he couldn't see but he was able to do it anyway. When we were 2 blocks from the hospital his breathing got labored and he was rigid for a second. I just rubbed his arm and told him to hang in there, that we were really close to the hospital. When we got there I noticed both his hands were curled. I was told he answered some questions but his speech got slurred. Shortly he lost conscious and was put on a ventilator. The doctors said it was a ruptured brain aneurysm. He had two procedures but there was no brain activity at all. He finally passed away Thursday March 21st/2013, 4 days before my 48th birthday. I'm trying to do my best to survive and support my 25 yo son and 21 yo daughter. OH in case you were wondering my profile pic was taken during his burial. There were several helicopters flying over us (most of them were his students) and throwing rose petals. It was beautiful and touching.

Also an important fact... I'm from Guatemala, so English is not my first language, so sometimes I have difficulty expressing myself (so I always edit my posts)

anniegirl

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #5 on: March 08, 2015, 07:34:51 PM »
Thank you Jess for your quick thinking and action (again - lol).

I am not an "old-timer" b/c I wasn't part of the founding set of the YWBB but I am from a time before the majority of you and my account has been dormant for a while. I peeked in from time to time but didn't want to intrude.

I did re-up, as I hope others will, but haven't any plans to add to the conversations (beyond maybe at some point sharing my story) b/c I think that sometimes, it's better (maybe best) for people to grieve and heal with other who are "in it", and for those of us who are many, many years past and on to new lives to just keep our opinions to ourselves. But that's jmo.

I can tell you that the founders didn't close the board lightly (though I think they should have been more upfront with the current active members than they were). They would have kept it up if they could have. But if I were you, I'd be angry too. A lot of history (and I spent a lot of time searching the old post at YWBB) will be lost that is valuable and helped me a lot.

So, this is probably my only post (again). But I wish you all well in your journeys. It is a journey, imo, though one that no one signs up for or enjoys. You will get through it. Everything will be different, but someday it will be okay again and it might even be better than okay.

Back when I lost my first husband in 2006, the only thing I wanted to know was "when?" will it be okay. Where is the end of this? There's happiness again, right?

It does. There is.

I can't put a finger on when that day arrived. Not even in retrospect. It sneaks up on you day by day. But it arrives for the vast majority of us. Most of the people I met at the YWBB, and still am in contact with, are settled and well today.

I am married now (to a fellow wid I met on the YWBB). Life is good.

Never let anyone tell you there is a right way to grieve or rebuild. There's your way and what's right for you is right. Don't compare yourself to others. Don't worry if your drumbeat is different. Don't ever doubt that you have something valuable to share or that what you share isn't the one thing that someone else really needed to hear today.

Good luck. As the venerable Ann E. always reminded us way back in the day "be gentle with yourselves", and remember, even when it doesn't feel like it, it is going to be okay again. Really. It will.

Annie
This is not the droid you are looking for.

Vettie

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #6 on: March 08, 2015, 08:08:14 PM »
Vettie here (AKA YIslander) My husband of 9 years got sick two years before he died but it was non life threatening. He got really sick over Christmas in 2011 and died January 9, 2012. He died of sepsis because he was on immunosupressants and his body could not fight the infection. Worst day of my life. Second worst day of my life was going home to tell the 7, 4 and 1 year old. The 18 year old was there when he died. It sucked. We have come a long way since then but it is still painful.
missed forever and always...

Baylee627

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #7 on: March 08, 2015, 08:14:39 PM »
I'm Baylee, and my husband died almost a year ago from a brain tumor and anti-epileptic drug withdrawal seizures. He was 37 years old.

His brain tumor was incidentally discovered during a routine sinus CT three months after we had tied the knot. He only lived a year and a half after that.

Our time together was fleeting, but he will continue to occupy my heart.

Baylee
Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion--Dylan Thomas

rememberingjason

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #8 on: March 08, 2015, 08:16:13 PM »
I lost my husband to suicide right at 4 years this month.

Thanks to those who thought quickly to find a safe place for us to share.

Remembering the Good Times - Always

AnnaMarie

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #9 on: March 08, 2015, 08:29:25 PM »
Hello,
I, too, am from YWBB.  I wouldn't consider myself an 'old timer' as I wasn't one of the founding members and I didn't post as frequently as many but I have been around for about 10 years.  I was AnnaMarie on that board as well.

I have to echo Anniegirl on many things.  I am joining to support this board, maintain the ability to contact all those from YWBB that are still around and to provide support for any who are looking to speak with someone who is farther out on the journey.  I probably won't check the board super frequently and won't be doing a lot of posting (at least that I can foresee right now) but please feel free to contact me if you want to talk.

My story is that I was widowed unexpectedly 10 years ago.  My husband, who was 30 years old at the time, had a heart attack while we were backpacking on an island.

I am now remarried with two boys and life is pretty good.  Like many, back in the beginning I just wanted to know when I would be "better".  When would the grieving would be over?  In my experience, it is never truly gone but it gets so very much better.  I still cry occasionally, I still hurt, I still wonder the what if's.  At this point, I miss what we had and were more than him specifically.  Mostly, I laugh and smile at my memories.  I am blessed to have family and friends who let me remember and talk all these years later.

My two cents on grief...Grieve at your own time and your own pace.  Be honest with yourself, don't hide from it - I never knew anyone who benefited from pretending they were okay.  There is no right way or deadline to be "better".  One year isn't a magical number...neither is 10.  This is a process that is met daily (some days with more grace than others!).  I found that it was better to get to the point where I was okay just being me before I could be good for others.  This isn't the path all take but it worked for me.  Finally, give yourself some slack to not be perfect and extend that to the people who love you.  No one knows all the right things to say and do - if they are trying and reaching out, they probably love you and are doing the best they can.

Wishing peace, comfort and healing to all who have made their way to this place.  I hope this board is a place where all wids can go to talk to someone who "gets it".  The YWBB was truly a blessing for me and I am hoping that this community will be the same to others.

Peace,
Anna

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.  ~Ambrose Redmoon

SimiRed

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #10 on: March 08, 2015, 08:36:17 PM »
Hello, I?m SimiRed from YWBB, I just kept the same name here.  I lost my husband of 19 years to cancer 5 ?  years ago after his six year battle.  It was a horrific way to die, I will never ever forget it.  But, more importantly, I will never ever forget the wonderful husband that I had for 19 wonderful years and the young man I met when he was 12 years old.  I loved him, I love him still, through the good times and the bad.

We have a handsome, brilliant and respectful fourteen year old son now. Who reminds me of his Daddy every day by the way he walks, talks and sometimes just by the way he does silly little things.

Josef has also been through a lot.  No child should watch their parent die, no three year old should have to watch their father suffer and be in pain for six years.  But, this wonderful son of mine is just like his Dad...he's strong willed, determined and never gives up.  So, with his head held high...he has maintained straight A's in school since his father passed away.  He has continued with his music, he loves playing the piano...he played it at his Dad's memorial service, and still makes me proud to hear his fingers move on the keyboard and create beautiful music. 

Rick has been gone for almost six years now. Wow. Six years. It feels like yesterday and an eternity all at the same time. I know I would not be in the place I am today if it were not for the people who listened to my story and sent me cyber hugs and reassured me along the way that I could make it on this journey.

My Rick, I love you, I miss you with all my heart.  There are days I still need you by my side.
~Tracey~
My wonderful husband Rick of 19 years, 12/11/67 - 9/20/09 Neuroendocrine cancer.
I still miss you everyday, I go forward, but my mind stands still.

Sugarbell

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #11 on: March 08, 2015, 09:00:20 PM »
Hello...I am Donell..known as Sugarbell on ywbb. My husband Ben died 7 1/2 years ago at the age of 34 to suicide-This week he would be turning 42. My 3 children were baby/toddler/preschooler when he died and are now wonderful 7, 10 and 12 year olds. The 4 of us kinda learned this new life together...but we are closer than I could've ever imagined now. (2 boys and a girl)

I call Ben now my "spirit bud" because about 4 years out...we started communicating with each other-And the waves of questions and emotions that come with suicide were finally answered and we were both at peace.

Everyone's journey and experiences are unique to them. We all find our own way vas there isn't a right or wrong way to do this widowhood stuff.

Thanks again to the techno savvy members again!! This site looks amazing. I hope new folks find the peace and comfort here I did in my early days-That there are people out there that get what you are going through!!

Peace and Love-D
B.W.H. 9/24/2007

RobFTC

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Rob's intro
« Reply #12 on: March 08, 2015, 09:22:12 PM »
Hi folks, I'm Rob. My wife Michelle died from ovarian cancer on November 7, 2010. She'd started having symptoms on a trip to Texas for Christmas in 2008, and got a diagnosis in January 2009. She was probably stage 4 at diagnosis, but she did a chemo-surgery-chemo regime that her oncologist recommended, which complicates staging. Her big surgery was in April, and the initial round of chemo was great ... but it came back. She fought like hell to put herself in the best possible place, despite knowing her odds. Later chemo rounds were not as successful. Her symptoms came back in July 2010, and she spent the last two weeks of August in the hospital. She came home with a considerably mobility impairment and some serious care needs, including full IV nutrition. On October 19th, 2010, she went to start another round of chemo, but they said it did not make sense. After a day of staring-at-walls shock, she laid down her fight and started ministering to her friends and family. She was a Christian and had no doubts about where she was bound. She promised to meet me in Heaven with a pitcher of margaritas, and I am going to hold her to that!

She was the smartest woman I've ever dated, but always had a way of meeting people where they were. I still miss her voice, her feistiness, her irreverent sense of humor and her laugh, and how she fit so well in my arms.

Take care,
Rob T
There was something fishy about the butler.  I think he was a Pisces, probably working for scale.

K_J

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #13 on: March 08, 2015, 09:26:39 PM »
Hi, I'm K_J.  I suppose you could call me "second generation vintage", or something like that, as it's been almost 10.5yrs for me since my late husband M. died and I registered on YWBB.  M. died of lymphoma - he was 29, I was 28.  It was a very aggressive form of lymphoma, but as he was otherwise young and very healthy, he was expected to make it through the chemo and get into remission.  It didn't happen.  We tried everything we felt we could, but he died less than a year after he was diagnosed.  We knew each other growing up and got married not long after college, so we thought we had plenty of time before having kids.  But, instead of having kids around 28 or so, I was widowed.  :(

I had my ups and downs - the first couple of years were extremely difficult.  My pain at losing the family M and I had hoped to have was excruciating second only to the loss of M himself.  I certainly made my mistakes, that's for sure.  But I knew I had to do my best to be honest with myself in my grief - even if it was horrific at times.  And I truly think that helped me to get through the worst of it. 

I met my now-husband, L., a little over a year after M. died.  It was sooner than I would have chosen, but it worked out.  Despite fertility issues, we have two kids now, ages 5 and 2.  Being a mom is very hard at times, but it's amazing, and I am so thankful to have my kids and a great husband.  I know M. is happy for me. 

We moved back to M's and my hometown a couple of years ago, so that's been weird at times.  And M would have been 40 this spring - it is beyond bizarre to think about, given that he'll always be 29.  :(

So - I'm here.  I don't know how much I'll post.  But - I'm here.  Best to all the other widows here.
M., 1975-2004
Remarried 2007.

Trying

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Re: introduce yourself here
« Reply #14 on: March 08, 2015, 09:46:05 PM »
I was MissingMyTim on YWBB.  Tim and I met in college and we were one week shy of 20 years married when he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, he had his first day of chemo on our 20th anniversary.  He suffered greatly for 4 months and was gone.  Our boys were 9,15 and 17. I miss having a partner to share in my life and to share in the joys and struggles of parenting. 
You will forever be my always.