Hi Sara,
I lost my husband of 23 years in an accident, too. He left to go duck hunting with several other guys on a dark, foggy October morning in 2012. Running late and in a hurry to get to their duck blind, the boat driver struck a concrete channel marker in the Mississippi River. My husband was knocked unconscious and drowned in three feet of water.
My kids were older, in their teens, but like you, the thought of suddenly becoming a solo parent was completely overwhelming. And dealing with all of the "business of death" issues was utterly brutal in the throes of grief.
I found the only way I could function was to just go literally one day at a time. I had no thoughts to the future at all, except survival. I did reach out very early on to other widows and widowers further out than me who seemed to have found their way. That was one of the most beneficial things I could have done. I am still very grateful to those who helped me and let me know the kids and I could survive this, because there was a period of time I truly thought I could not do it.
So here I am five years later. Still so surreal that this is my life. I am doing ok. The kids seem to be doing ok. I am in a relationship. Many really good things have happened to me these past five years. I won't lie and say it has been easy. In fact, there has been some real heartache getting to this point. All three of my kids have had some sort of major life issue the past five years that I had to deal with on my own. I needed D so badly during those times.
I feel like those 23 years with D was life A, and this is Life B. It is the hand I have been dealt and I am doing the best I can. I want to show my kids that we are going to make it, that life is still good and we need to try each day to to live the best life we can and find joy where we can. That has been my motivation and survival techinque. I actually had depression issues on and off during my marriage, just the day to day life frustrations of dealing with kids, family, work, conflicts, pressures. Now, I wonder what the hell. I had such a charmed life. Talk about perspective!
Sara, I think you will find what works for you in healing. It is different for everybody. I still have days where I want to fall to my knees and just quit, just be done. But I don't. I always hate when people say, " You are so strong. I couldn't do it" Please, what choice do we have? We just bumble along and figure it out, and hopefully make good choices once the fog clears a bit.
