Specific Situations > Young Widowed Parents

I guess I will go first...

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me and a 5 year old son... when he cries he always throws in a "mommyyyyyy" here and there. for a while I fell for it, but I think now I am getting taken advantage of :) does anyone else have this happen to them, How long did this phase last?

while this bothers me and  hurts when he cries out for her, what hurts more is when im cuddling him in my recliner, he makes some random whiney sounds and puts his hand up and starts grabbing for the air. I ask him whats up buddy and he says he reaching up for mommy...

its so fucking hard to do this single parent shit. then people say they are there to help you, but after a few times helping they feel they filled their obligation and move on...

Mark, while I am not in the same exact circumstance (DD was 15 when her mother died), I will say that it hard to differentiate behavior stemming from grief from just the regular ol' shit kids/teens do. I do remember that around 4 or 5 DD realized that she could start manipulations  :)

I have 9 year old triplets, 2 girls and 1 boy, and they all react differently.  My son is the one who has the most difficult time with my husbands death.  He cries more often then the girls, and lasts a lot longer.  I know sometimes he does it to manipulate me, but the majority of the time, he is sincere.  We will hit our 1 year anniversary in April.  I have let a lot slide this first year, but will start addressing the manipulating outburst after April. 
Yes, it sucks having to do all of this as solo parents, no doubt about that one.

My son turned 6 soon after my wife passed, we are now 5 months out. I love him, and I know he misses her, but I absolutly know he tries to use missing her to manipulate. When we are rapping up the bed time routine, he'll throw in a, "I miss mommy" (That I'm 99% sure is just to try and stay up later). He'll do this if I am discipilining him too. My response is the same and I think it has reduced him using these (he's moved onto other manipulations trying to test boundries), I say, "I miss her too bud", I'll give him a hug, and add, "but you need to ...(go to bed/start listening)".

My son right now is afraid of someone breaking into the house to take him. His councilor says this is feeling is normal for kids that lost a parent.

Mark,  my son was 8 when his Daddy passed away.  He would sit and throw temper tantrums at anything I would try to discipline him for.  A simple, "No, you can't have candy now" and he would kick the stairs and scream like he was in pain.  I wanted to hug him as hard as I could to take away the pain, and I did, for a while.  However, after a time, I had to make the hard decision to discipline him.  I remember sitting in the corner crying and shaking, waiting for his tears to stop, for him to calm down.  He couldn't see me, so he didn't know that it had an effect on me.  I just sat close, where I could hear him and when he calmed down, that's when I would go to sit with him.

I'm trying to say that it's okay to acknowledge that he wants Mommy, but don't allow him to use that button on you.  You can say, "I miss her too", but right now I need you to focus on putting your stuff away.  Or whatever task you are doing. 

My son is now 14, and the single parent thing is still HARD!!  I don't know how to do calculus, I can't help him in some of his school work.  His Daddy would've been great at it.  I just have to use what resources I can, (tutors, etc.) to help me instead.  Yes, the friends and family help goes away quick. 

My son is also afraid every time he gets sick, stomach pains, etc.  He thinks he may have cancer too, he's afraid to die.  It's been almost 6 years for us, and his fears are still there.  I catch him Googling medical stuff, he wouldn't even use the Acclear acne medicine I got for him cause it contained Dimethicone...it can cause cancer.  I did try to explain to him that he isn't exposed to it in a massive amount of levels, so I'm sure he's fine.  He still threw the brand new tube away.  :-\

No, it's not easy.  You are not a "Single Parent", you are an "ONLY parent".  Yes, there is a difference. You are the only parent he has, you'll do great and you both will and can "grow" together.


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