Author Topic: Emotionally Exhausted  (Read 4931 times)

Mizpah

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Re: Emotionally Exhausted
« Reply #15 on: April 16, 2015, 10:20:31 AM »
I too am in a difficult post-death relationship.  So what I looked for in your post was the "but," the hope that maybe things could improve "if ______."  I don't see that.  It seems you are saying that it is bad, you don't seem to be saying you believe it can or will get better.  It's strange, because I feel two completely contradictory ways about stuff like this.  On the one hand, no one knows the truth of a relationship but those two people.  But on the other hand, it is often easier to see things clearly from the outside.  It is hard, it is unbearable, to lose your family-ness once you've gotten it again after losing it.  But it sounds like he's not offering family in the true sense of the word.  When things are bad in my situation (different in many ways), my father always tells me that the baby and I ARE a family, maybe it's not what I wanted or expected, or how I thought it would or should look, but families can be made up in ways and LOOK different from what we expected.  I know how hard it must be.  The way you frame your post, the things you say - it seems you know what you need to do.  Perhaps it's just a matter of timing at this point.  I'm so sorry for your disappointment.  It is a loss, another one after such a terrible one.  I always say, "When's the easy part???!"     
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

look2thesky

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Re: Emotionally Exhausted
« Reply #16 on: April 16, 2015, 12:08:44 PM »
Edited.
« Last Edit: April 18, 2015, 02:27:54 PM by look2thesky »

anniegirl

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Re: Emotionally Exhausted
« Reply #17 on: April 16, 2015, 01:58:17 PM »
My step-daughter was in a long term relationship with a nice enough guy but someone who was a "bean-counter" in terms of the financial aspects of living together and in some ways, in terms of the emotional give/take.

About two years into this, she came to Husband and I to discuss this, get perspective and decide if she wanted to stay in a relationship that was a lot of work and not as emotionally gratifying as she'd hoped it could be.

I told her, "You should be able to love a person for who they are right now and not their potential or who you hope they might be one day if only you are faithful and loving enough to give them a reason to change."

She lasted another two, mostly not happy or fulfilling, years with him before deciding to put away the hope that one day he and the relationship would change into what she needed and wanted and dreamed of.

I know people well enough to know that when they spill the beans about their relationship, what they really want is to be heard. No advice. Just "I get it" or "You deserve better".

You do deserve better. Your son deserves better. When you are ready, you will do what you need to and make that happy. In meantime, know that relationships are work, maybe challenging even, but they shouldn't be soul-crushing, lonely or abusive.

You've had a hard time going back a long ways. Difficult is your norm. Having to work hard to hold things together or overcome difficulties is what you've trained yourself to do. Perhaps that's not serving you well anymore.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Take a step back. Think about what you really need and apply the skills you've learned over the years to make that happen.
This is not the droid you are looking for.

SimiRed

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  • Widowed 9-19-09 Joined YWBB 10-2009
Re: Emotionally Exhausted
« Reply #18 on: April 17, 2015, 07:39:08 AM »
Fleur, no apologies needed...you are not too harsh, you are real and honest.  I value honesty in others, I'd rather hear that then the fluff!

Yes, he's let me down.  I'm disappointed that it's like this, very disappointed.

I stopped posting on a lot of my boards because I don't want to be on the computer when he is home.  Heck, I get in trouble for texting or looking at my phone!   

I am the only one that can change this, I have to dig deeper than deep and find it within me to do it.  I'm digging... but it feels like I'm digging with a spoon!

**Side question:  Can everything here be read without even logging in and creating an account? I noticed this last night when I looked at widda on my phone and I didn't have to log in to read anything.
~Tracey~
My wonderful husband Rick of 19 years, 12/11/67 - 9/20/09 Neuroendocrine cancer.
I still miss you everyday, I go forward, but my mind stands still.

anniegirl

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Re: Emotionally Exhausted
« Reply #19 on: April 17, 2015, 08:45:18 AM »
Yes, the posts are readable without logging in but forums cannot be searched by someone who is not a member.

So someone could read this post, if they found it, but they couldn't click on your name and search out information or other posts by you.
This is not the droid you are looking for.

Sugarbell

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Re: Emotionally Exhausted
« Reply #20 on: April 17, 2015, 09:30:10 AM »
Tracey you and your son deserve peace.. I know It's eaSy for me from the outside saying leave when I don't know all the aspects of your situation. But it does sound like a few of your friends from herw do and are willing to help-Please take them up on it.

Fear and shame is what is keeling you in this mess. Those are powerful emotions with fear being the biggie.

I promise you when you get out of this you wlill feel the weight of the world lifted. For a few weeks it will be an adjustment....even bad habits take an adjustment period. But once you pass it you will slowly feel empowered and begin to take your own identity back.

You have lots of people here who care. My toxic ex also read all my posts On here...amongst other violations of privacy.
B.W.H. 9/24/2007

TooSoon

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Re: Emotionally Exhausted
« Reply #21 on: April 17, 2015, 10:18:32 AM »
Hi,  I just want to send my support.  Remember, I am only an hour and a half away if ever you two want to get away for a day or two and get some breathing room, our door is open.  You can do this! 

Max2507

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Re: Emotionally Exhausted
« Reply #22 on: April 17, 2015, 11:59:49 AM »
Everything Maureen said! You deserve so much better and your son as well!