Author Topic: widow card by proxy  (Read 6489 times)


  • Member
  • Posts: 112
  • Cancer Widow November 2011
Re: widow card by proxy
« Reply #15 on: April 13, 2015, 06:45:31 PM »
I look at the "widow card" as shorthand. Its a quick way for others to know the challenges we face. MrsD, you face a lot of challenges. You didn't ask to be a single parent. Your husband died. You were left holding the bag. New job, moving, etc. It's a lot of transitions. You were handed a full platter in life. I sincerely wish everything goes smoothly for you. Hang in there.
My life is better because you were in it. You encouraged me to stretch my wings. I will forever be grateful. Rest in Peace Babe. Till we meet again.


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Re: widow card by proxy
« Reply #16 on: April 13, 2015, 07:13:55 PM »
Be careful with the widow card, it could backfire on you. I took my kids on a vacation for a few days. I just needed to get away, see that I could be strong enough, and make the best for my family without my husband. (I am 4 months out, this was last month). The school told me that they don't feel as though one person can take on the responsibilities I do with all my kids and because I am a widow how I am coping with the loss of my husband. I told them I wished he would walk through the door, I miss him, but doing the best I can. She took that as I needed mental help and that I thought my husband was still alive. (Although I see his ashes every day). They called children protective services on me and want to try to take me to court for the kids being out of school more than 3 days without a doctors excuse. I regret being honest. The good thing is, Child protective services said they have NO idea why some one would call on my family, but they need to do their job.That doesn't stop me from being on the "list".  Now I am paranoid and too scared to even speak to anyone. People can use it to assume, or take advantage or who knows what.


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Re: widow card by proxy
« Reply #17 on: April 18, 2015, 02:00:13 PM »
I did not think that you were being manipulative by suggesting that someone had played the widow card. When I was a young single teacher and renting apartments that I knew had multiple people interested, I ALWAYS told them I was an elementary school teacher. I always got the apartment. Is that manipulative? No. It was a factual piece of information about me that I knew could influence someone's feelings about me in a positive way. Being widowed is a terrible, terrible thing. Occasionally we need to give that extra piece of information in order to help us in a situation. Being a widow is a fact. Stating a fact is not manipulation.

I hope that it all works out for you. All these huge transitions are stressful life changes. Big hug to you!!!