Author Topic: That Moment  (Read 4533 times)

merrylea

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Re: That Moment
« Reply #15 on: April 20, 2015, 10:00:32 AM »
Like many others, there wasn't one defining moment in which I thought - I'm a widow.  At first - I couldn't even say the word widow.  I remember rushing to get everything together for the funeral.  Because his family was over in England, and his death was unexpected, It was up to me to take care of all the arrangements.  I kept referring to the funeral as the wedding (unconsciously) as that was the last major event I had planned.  When someone referred to me at the funeral as my late husband's widow, it kinda threw me off guard.

When the haze started to lift - the it wasn't the word "widow" that stuck out to me, per say.  It was that I was ALONE.  When they day in and day out of life and grief happened, and I was the only person that could take care of things, on my own, no help.  That was more of a defining moment.  I ALONE had to take care of everything from now on.  I ALONE had to make sure things got done.

So.... now its a bit easier to refer to myself as a widow.  However, I don't want that word to define me.  It has helped to shape who I am today, but quite simply..... I am me. 

Catnip

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Re: That Moment
« Reply #16 on: April 20, 2015, 02:38:51 PM »
It was a few months after my husband passed away that it hit me in church. The priest was giving his homily and spoke about the way Jesus cared for the poor and oppressed ? and the way he showed us how to listen to children and how to look out for widows and orphans.

I sat there and it hit to me like a ton of bricks - that's me, a widow.

I'm now one of them. I hope Jesus looks out for me.
You left and forgot to tell my heart how to live without you.

Ursula

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Re: That Moment
« Reply #17 on: April 29, 2015, 10:03:02 PM »
The word widow for me has this stale , grey, lifeless, mate feeling, mouldy and sad. Not a good word. I can't really associate myself with it. It is the loneliness and the awareness that I will never see him again, never talk to him again that is so cruel and that cripples me. I think we should be called left behinds. In German, there is a word ' die Hinterbliebenen' which means ' those left behind' and that is kind of what I feel, left behind. Seemingly without a chance to catch up with the one who has gone ahead.  It struck me, when I saw that he was dead and nothing was going to change that, that there was no chance in heaven or hell for him to be alive. When I wanted to scream the wold into peaces and tear life apart.
Por que tu fuego a?n me quema, sin ti las noches son eternas,
tu aroma sigue aqu?, no me deja ir.. Por m?s que intente y quiera olvidarte, yo nunca lograre dejarte, cautivo de este amor sincero esclavo de tu voz.. Por que estoy am?ndote, so??ndose, aunque no est?s aqu?..
Y yo te esperare, amor aunque los a?os lleguen sin querer (Marc Anthony)