Socializing > Relationships/Remarriage

Did you Re-appear?

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As seems to be the case with a lot of widows/ers most of my friends kind of disappeared for about 10 years (4.5 years of cancer and 6 years of being widowed). However, when I began dating someone seriously people seemed to come out of the woodwork. As soon as we started dating My GF and I began to get invitations to dinner and group gatherings. People at church and in my small community would go out of their way to come and talk to us instead of going out of their way to avoid me. Even my best friend, who I rarely heard from for 6 years, started texting me about once a week just to say, ?How?s it going?.

It really stood out to me because it was like flipping a light switch. It was like I was invisible for all those years and then all of the sudden I reappeared. I understand that a lot of people didn't know what to say or do so they tended to keep their distance. Still, I kind of resented it at first; I mean, where were all of these people when I really needed them? At the same time though, I enjoyed it because it was nice to feel like I was a part of the real world again.

I guess I?m just curious to know if this is the norm among widowed folks. Have those of you who have started a new relationship noticed such a night and day difference?


Yes, people dropped out of my life during the caregiving and widowhood. Even with those I made an effort to stay connected to seemed lukewarm and sometimes it felt like they were doing me a favor even.

I met my second husband about the end of the first year and married within six months and it seemed like people couldn't reconnect fast enough once they found out.

I think this is more common than not. I am ambivalent about it because I understand how death and grief makes people uncomfortable and everyone has a different threshold for being able to deal with it. My best friend and her husband were wonderful the entire time but another dear friend, who is almost like a sister to me and her family is like family, she really had a hard time being around me and once she got to know my second husband, she did a 180 and everything was "the same again".

Except it's not really the same because you never forget how people shunned you as though you were walking dead. It's difficult to forgive and I don't know that we truly forget.

A Tout Jamais:

anniegirl said:

--- Quote ---Except it's not really the same because you never forget how people shunned you as though you were walking dead. It's difficult to forgive and I don't know that we truly forget.

--- End quote ---

A resounding YES!!

"If you can't handle me at my worst,
then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best!"
~~ Marilyn Monroe


ATJ - Still trying to comprehend the meaning of "friend" post widowhood!

Yes. People seemed so relieved. I have yet to jump back into doing "couple things". My husband and I tend to do more things with my motely crew of single friends. He has just been absorbed into the group.

Neverthesame-Some members of my immediate family did this....once I recoupled it was as though in their books I was "normal" again,  made me feel like they didn't really love my husband...they seemed comfortable to insert "Boy B" into "Slot A" and keep it rolling as though nothing had ever happened.  Sad.  I think it makes them feel like I must be all better now which allows them to move along in their lives without the messiness of my widowhood. I have learned their limitations and act accordingly,  makes my life easier, I have learned who I can be real around.


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