Author Topic: Very Short Marriage...  (Read 6809 times)

the_master

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Very Short Marriage...
« on: April 28, 2015, 01:58:06 PM »
I married my beautiful wife on 3/1/14.

On 2/19/15, she was gone, forever... 356 days. We didn't get ONE anniversary.

I am also a member over at Daily Strength's widows/widowers forum, but most of them are in their 60s & 70s.

It's difficult to identify with them, as they had 20-30 years with their spouses. 3 years ago, I hadn't even met my wife, yet.

It makes me extremely angry.

JacklessSally

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Re: Very Short Marriage...
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2015, 02:17:21 PM »
[[[big hug]]]

I did not get to marry my sweet man, we had 1 year , 1 week and 4 days before he was killed.

We get it here, most of us on this forum did not have the 20-40 years of the other groups.
B.H.S. 1-20-1974 - 11-13-2014

You will always be my Jack and I will always be your Sally. For we were simply meant to be.

Wheelerswife

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Re: Very Short Marriage...
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2015, 02:20:17 PM »
I understand your anger.  You deserved to have your wife for a long, long time.  I feel robbed of time I should have had with my second husband.  We knew each other just shy of 3 years and 10 months and we married a year after we met.  He too, went to bed one night and never woke up.  It has been over 15 months and I'm not nearly as angry as I was...but I still just shake my head and want to cry out, "Why did you have to die??!!??"

Keep breathing.  This isn't easy.  But every single one of us here have made it through this (and I've been through it twice) and in spite of how it feels like we can't live through the pain, we have made it through the 24 hours of each day since our hearts were broken.

I'm glad you've found us.

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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MrsT85

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Re: Very Short Marriage...
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2015, 02:23:11 PM »
I'm so sorry you've had reason to join us here, but I'm glad you've found us.  I cannot begin to tell you how helpful this community has been for me - I lost my husband when I was just 27, so I can't really relate to most other widows either.  I don't really want to hear about the decades they shared with their spouses and grandchildren and retirement and the like.  And it only makes me feel worse when I hear about people reminiscing about marriages that lasted longer than I've even been alive.

The life we've been thrown into is absolutely infuriating.  Especially when the time we had with them was so very short.

So welcome.  Please post and rant and rage as much as you feel comfortable with.  We get it.
Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face

Do You Realize??

01/12/1977-04/06/2013

the_master

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Re: Very Short Marriage...
« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2015, 02:25:04 PM »
Thanks... It's nice to finally find a more suitable forum. Nothing against them, I just have a hard time relating.

Jess

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Re: Very Short Marriage...
« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2015, 03:28:34 PM »
I went to one in person grief group and everyone was in their late 60's through 80's. They were lovely people and clearly felt for me, but we couldn't relate to each other. It's just how it is. I personally need a community like this one because people can relate to my circumstances and yes, age makes a difference on being able to relate.

I am glad you found us and hope you take the same comfort I have found here.
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014

the_master

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Re: Very Short Marriage...
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2015, 03:37:29 PM »
I wouldn't even try an in-person group... Very anti-social.

JacklessSally

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Re: Very Short Marriage...
« Reply #7 on: April 28, 2015, 03:42:14 PM »
I wouldn't even try an in-person group... Very anti-social.

I found one that was a group of younger people (I was still the youngest at 29). But they had all been married for at least a year or two before their spouses passed. We had a "Bring a picture of your spouse" meeting, and I followed the directions, but when it came to be my turn, the idea of having to say "This is my boyfriend" or "This is my fiancee" instead of husband like everyone else got to, made me freak out. Not to mention I was just barely at 3 months, and his birthday had been a few days prior to the meeting.

I have not returned to an in person meeting since
B.H.S. 1-20-1974 - 11-13-2014

You will always be my Jack and I will always be your Sally. For we were simply meant to be.

the_master

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Re: Very Short Marriage...
« Reply #8 on: April 28, 2015, 03:49:58 PM »
Surely they would have understood...?

I wouldn't even try an in-person group... Very anti-social.

I found one that was a group of younger people (I was still the youngest at 29). But they had all been married for at least a year or two before their spouses passed. We had a "Bring a picture of your spouse" meeting, and I followed the directions, but when it came to be my turn, the idea of having to say "This is my boyfriend" or "This is my fiancee" instead of husband like everyone else got to, made me freak out. Not to mention I was just barely at 3 months, and his birthday had been a few days prior to the meeting.

I have not returned to an in person meeting since

JacklessSally

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Re: Very Short Marriage...
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2015, 03:54:22 PM »
Surely they would have understood...?


At the time it didn't matter if they would understand. Everyone was giving such glorious speeches about the people they spent years and nearly decades with, and there I was, still very fresh in my loss dealing with having to say the b word or the f word in front of a bunch of widows... Widows who could legally call them selves that.
B.H.S. 1-20-1974 - 11-13-2014

You will always be my Jack and I will always be your Sally. For we were simply meant to be.

Jen

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Re: Very Short Marriage...
« Reply #10 on: April 28, 2015, 09:23:04 PM »
I am so, so sorry for your loss, and that you had to look for us... but this really is the best place to be. Keep talking; we're here, and we get it. Hugs to you, if you want them.
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

mo12

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Re: Very Short Marriage...
« Reply #11 on: April 28, 2015, 10:05:53 PM »
I get it. We get it. My fianc? died before we had a chance to get married- the date was set and I picked out my dress but... Then he died. We had three years together and I can now look back (more than a year after he died) and feel grateful for that time... though I still feel cheated. For a long time I hated seeing elderly couples, or couples in general, I was so jealous and angry, but that part has become much easier. This is a good place to vent, to read, to find others who get what you're going through. Hang in there.

the_master

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Re: Very Short Marriage...
« Reply #12 on: April 29, 2015, 07:48:12 AM »
I hate it, as well. Especially the old bickering couples that don't know what they have, yet.

Until it's gone. My parents are a good example (bickering & arguing). They've been married for 50 years or so. I didn't even have 1.

It's hard being around my own parents, now.

For a long time I hated seeing elderly couples, or couples in general, I was so jealous and angry, but that part has become much easier.

Jess

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Re: Very Short Marriage...
« Reply #13 on: April 29, 2015, 09:04:18 AM »

It's hard being around my own parents, now.

A couple weeks after my husband died, my parents had their 44th anniversary. I was happy for them as they do have a good marriage, but they insisted I join them for dinner. Celebrating the longevity of their marriage when mine would never even hit double digits was too much. I know they meant well, but that was a rough night for me.
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014

sphoc

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Re: Very Short Marriage...
« Reply #14 on: April 29, 2015, 10:24:54 AM »
DH and I were married for about 15 months, but we'd only been living under the same roof for about four months because immigration took nearly a year (I'm US, he was UK). It's hard for me because I lost him to suicide, and I also feel cheated. I know he was ill, but sometimes it feels like he didn't give us a chance. The first time things got really rough, he pushed me away and then he died.


It can be hard finding people who can relate, but that is what I like about this forum. Even though our situations may be very different, there are people here who can relate.