Author Topic: Been Struggling With "Life Goes On" Today...  (Read 3263 times)

the_master

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Been Struggling With "Life Goes On" Today...
« on: May 01, 2015, 11:23:19 AM »
I hate that she's gone. I mean, how am I supposed to just "keep going?"

I only exist, now. I function, but it's like I'm on "auto-pilot." I get up, go to work, pay the bills, etc.

And that's it. I don't want anything else. I want her back.

This really sucks...

Mizpah

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Re: Been Struggling With "Life Goes On" Today...
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2015, 01:30:21 PM »
Right now, life doesn't go on.  Right now, you just grieve and suffer and miss her.  Leave the rest for later. 
widowed 2011 (DH 28)

Carey

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Re: Been Struggling With "Life Goes On" Today...
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2015, 02:31:17 PM »
auto pilot ... i.e. shock can be your comforter right now. Let it insulate you.  That's really all you can do. It'll change with time, some for the worse some for the better.  You're not alone, come here and spill or vent or cry all you need to.
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

the_master

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Re: Been Struggling With "Life Goes On" Today...
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2015, 03:08:55 PM »
I've been crying for 10 weeks, now... I admit, it's not as frequent as before, but it's still there. That and depression.

Depression has really got me, at the moment.

Jen

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Re: Been Struggling With "Life Goes On" Today...
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2015, 03:35:28 PM »
It still amazes me how many tears the human body can generate. I would have thought I'd be tapped out by now. Cry as many as you need. Hugs to you...
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

the_master

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Re: Been Struggling With "Life Goes On" Today...
« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2015, 03:45:51 PM »
I'm so ready for it to stop...

Jen

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Re: Been Struggling With "Life Goes On" Today...
« Reply #6 on: May 01, 2015, 03:54:18 PM »
Me too. All I can tell you is what I've been told over and over and over... it takes time. Lots of time. And it really does suck.
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

donswife

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Re: Been Struggling With "Life Goes On" Today...
« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2015, 09:01:44 AM »
The heartbreak is overwhelming
The fact you are getting up and going to work is a huge accomplishment
and paying bills , I forgot a few bills along the way in my haze
reach out whenever you can and like its been said before ...Just breath and take a minute at a time
take care

My everything

swilson

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Re: Been Struggling With "Life Goes On" Today...
« Reply #8 on: May 03, 2015, 10:27:38 AM »
I'm sorry the_master, the depth of this pain and sorrow is simply mind numbing and operating on auto-pilot maybe all you will be able to do some days. I found this in some of my GriefShare material;
"Remember the good times; cherish the memories, but live each day moving forward. Focus your thoughts on what is before you and how you are going to get there. "I often tell people that there are three stages you need to think about: You can't go back. You can't stay here. You must go forward," says Dr. Ray Pritchard. "There may be some good things in the past that you wish you could go back to, but in the end you have to let those go."
~ she's gone to Heaven so I've got to be good, so I can see my baby when I leave this world ~

jlp

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Re: Been Struggling With "Life Goes On" Today...
« Reply #9 on: May 04, 2015, 05:56:44 PM »
It is still very new and raw for you -- and auto pilot is a very good way to put it.  I'm at ten months and still cry most days, but not as much.  Cry as much as you need to -- it is therapeutic and healing.  I know the pain really sucks, I just hope that you can take a little comfort in what you are experiencing is typical and healthy (according to my psychotherapist!).

lcoxwell

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Re: Been Struggling With "Life Goes On" Today...
« Reply #10 on: May 04, 2015, 07:46:00 PM »
I hate that you have lost your love, too. I hate it for all of us. Even at nearly 14 months out, I still hate that my Kenneth is gone. There are still many days, when I am operating on "auto pilot". At the same time, there are days, when the sun shines on my life and I can find moments of joy and happiness, again. Eventually, you will, too.

In the meantime, just remember to be good to yourself, and to take care of yourself. Eat, sleep, and exercise, when you can. Drink plenty of water. Allow yourself to cry, but also allow yourself to smile, from time to time. Take things one minute, one hour, one day, at a time, if you need to. When all else fails, just breathe. Those slow, deep, concentrated breaths really do help.
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.

linda5

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Re: Been Struggling With "Life Goes On" Today...
« Reply #11 on: May 06, 2015, 09:20:29 PM »
I'm so sorry for your loss and the suffering you're going through.  I think I've cried enough tears to personally fill up Lake Michigan!

the_master

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Re: Been Struggling With "Life Goes On" Today...
« Reply #12 on: May 07, 2015, 09:07:46 AM »
I'm so sorry for your loss and the suffering you're going through.  I think I've cried enough tears to personally fill up Lake Michigan!

I've definitely never in my life cried so much...