Author Topic: Every year there seems something new to be sad about....  (Read 1947 times)

Losttogether

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Every year there seems something new to be sad about....
« on: April 30, 2015, 10:28:59 PM »
Right now I think I'm struggling with the loss of the little threads of our relationship that I had held onto. I got a new computer that doesn't have all our email communications on it, a new phone without his voice,no record of texts... It just seems as time passes (2.5 years now) that more and more of my old life is erased. All I have left is photos. I'd give so much for one more text, one more call, one more hug. I can't shake the sadness and I really don't want to let go...
How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold.

Lost35

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Re: Every year there seems something new to be sad about....
« Reply #1 on: April 30, 2015, 10:55:51 PM »
I wish I could say something helpful, but all I can do is offer understanding... It is a far longer process than what it seems in the beginning.  I was thinking about Bill just yesterday.  It's just hard to make sense of any of it some times. 

Please take care.

-L.

Carey

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  • Posts: 524
  • Widowed 11/23/13 Joined YWBB 12/2/13
Re: Every year there seems something new to be sad about....
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2015, 07:15:47 AM »
I almost lost it when I got a new work computer. I spent hours furiously printing emails. But now they're not here to just read whenever I needed him. I totally understand. Feels like the ache will never go away
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

A Tout Jamais

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  • Posts: 175
Re: Every year there seems something new to be sad about....
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2015, 09:09:28 AM »
Quote
Right now I think I'm struggling with the loss of the little threads of our relationship that I had held onto. I got a new computer that doesn't have all our email communications on it, a new phone without his voice,no record of texts... It just seems as time passes (2.5 years now) that more and more of my old life is erased. All I have left is photos. I'd give so much for one more text, one more call, one more hug. I can't shake the sadness and I really don't want to let go...

(((Losttogether)))

Outsiders do not understand the all-encompassing effect of the loss of a spouse, the seemingly endless process of having to let go of yet another part that was connected to our relationship. It's not just one big thing, but the million little things we shared and which tied us together - from the very mundane to the most intimate aspects. This steady process of attrition is very painful and takes longer than even WE could have ever imagined.

Time is both our friend and enemy. Time can dull and soften the rawness of the initial pain, but it also feels like being on a ship and watching the shore recede farther into the distance. And it lets us feel on a very visceral level "the absence of presence" - "the endless time of never coming back", as Tom Stoppard, the British playwright, said. And so, we desperately want to preserve and hold onto the many tiny, little threads which made up the large, beautiful tapestry of our loving relationship and deep bond. But over time the threads become frayed and break away, and the person we loved so dearly gradually changes from the former vital human being into a memory, as much as we want to fight against it.

"The saddest moment is when the person
 who gave you the best memories,
 becomes a memory."

~~ Unknown

Someone else said: "You can't hug a memory!", and that is so true. - Learning the "art of letting go" is a monumental and painful task, and it takes time, much longer than we could have ever imagined.

Alas ...

"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned,
 so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.

~~ Joseph Campbell

A tall order indeed!





Wishing you Peace, Strength and Courage as you learn to 'let go'!

ATJ



« Last Edit: May 19, 2016, 07:11:04 PM by A Tout Jamais »
"Tu n'es plus là où tu étais, mais tu es partout là où je suis."
~~ Victor Hugo

"Je me souviens de toi ... Je me souviens de nous  - Il était une fois -  Je me souviens de tout!"

donswife

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Re: Every year there seems something new to be sad about....
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2015, 08:08:19 PM »
I am holding on to my old Iphone which isn't working well but it has 2 voice mails from my don
I am desperately trying to figure out a way to save them ,any ideas ?
his voice is still on my answering machine which freaks some people out but comforts others (me mostly)
sometimes I call the house to hear him
so I am not sure what will happen when I lose these , which could happen at any minute with dropping phone
or it just stopping working :(
so all I can say is I am sorry you have lost these connections and I send hugs your way
My everything

SoVerySad

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Re: Every year there seems something new to be sad about....
« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2015, 08:25:51 PM »
donswife,

Can you play the messages on speaker phone and record them with the sound recorder on your computer? That is what I did with old messages from my husband on my answering machine. It should work to play your recording on your answering machine and use your sound recorder to record it as well. I made 2 back-up copies incase my computer crashes. You probably can then upload your sound recording from your computer onto a new phone you get if you want to have it with you on your phone.

I hope that works for you or someone has a better way to suggest for you. I'm pretty technologically challenged.
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.