Author Topic: Check In  (Read 6283 times)

Wheelerswife

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  • Widowed x 2.
Re: Check In
« Reply #15 on: March 17, 2015, 12:16:42 PM »
mixelated...welcome to the club that nobody wants to join. Sadly, the price of admission is terribly high.  But this is an amazing group of people and I encourage you to connect with those who are in your time frame (they understand and remember best what it is like to be where you are) and anyone else, no matter how far out, if something about them resonates with you.  Come here, read, vent, talk about whatever it is that moves you.  It is still early for you and the going isn't easy.  This group of people has been a backbone of support for me through the loss of not one, but two husbands, and I'm not sure what I would have done without them.''

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

Jen

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  • Jim: 7 April 1974-10 April 2014
Re: Check In
« Reply #16 on: March 17, 2015, 03:34:03 PM »
(((Mixelated)))  I second what Maureen said. I'm so sorry you had to look for us, but glad you found us. Hold on. We get it.
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

Sueismylife-eternally

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  • Sue A. Brezina 2/10/79-12/24/2014 I love you!
Checking in for the first time
« Reply #17 on: March 18, 2015, 11:55:50 AM »
I lost my eternal companion on December 24, 2014, Christmas will never be the same again. The last 12 weeks have been extremely difficult, but at the same time have also been hopeful.  Sue was only 35 when she passed away.  I celebrated her 36th birthday on February 10th with Roses and Balloons and our 6th Anniversary on March 8th with more of both.  Sue was/is absolutely everything to me.  I never knew how emotionally weak I was, this journey is very difficult. I find I'm struggling the most with the physical loss, we did everything together including holding hands in bed before we feel asleep.  Everyday I would massage her back and feet for her.  I feel so at loss without being able to touch her.  How do you get past what makes us human? We are physical.
Life is too short, enjoy every moment you have as if its your last!

Jen

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Re: Check In
« Reply #18 on: March 18, 2015, 03:05:51 PM »
(((((HUGS))))) I am so, so sorry. This journey is by far the most difficult thing I've ever had to do-- I expect most of us would say the same. Please keep talking-- it does help, and you're in the right place.

The loss of physical touch is huge, and frankly, I'm still trying to cope with it. I think that's why I'm so free with my (((hugs)))) on the board; I no longer get many in real life. My dh and I were always touching-- just sitting beside each other, holding hands in the car, skin to skin in bed (sorry, TMI). Widowhood results in enormous oxytocin deprivation-- you're right, we're human-- we're primates, and we're hard-wired to need touch. That need for connection, for pair-bonding, is programmed into our DNA.

Get past? If I find out, I'll let you know. Meanwhile... hold on. Talk, rant, cry. I'm so very sorry you had to join us.
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

Sueismylife-eternally

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  • Sue A. Brezina 2/10/79-12/24/2014 I love you!
Re: Check In
« Reply #19 on: March 18, 2015, 08:32:08 PM »
I don't think we can ever have TMI. We are all in the same boat, and as you said we need to be able to communicate, however we need to do that.  I received some advice/observation today from Justin. He said that "growing your life will help you move around the grief" This meant a lot because I'm actually living my life thru grief and honoring Sue as well. I'm now going to school, again, to obtain my Ph.D. in Psychology with an emphasis is Grief Education and Counseling.  I've found the more I study and talk to others I feel her presence even stronger.  I've even been asked by a college here in town to come and talk to some of their classes about grief.  I still constantly think about Sue every minute of my day, but I've learned to use this as a source of strength. I'm studying a lot about grief and have learned we all experience it differently and they're really no stages you go thru.  Every feeling you have is yours, how you cope with it is the key.  Most days I feel completely alone, but I force myself to go out to be around people. Now that I've found all of you hopefully some of that alone feeling will decrease. Thank you for this amazing forum
Life is too short, enjoy every moment you have as if its your last!

SieOma

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Re: Check In
« Reply #20 on: March 20, 2015, 10:08:58 AM »


 
Quote
Despite being a writer, I find that I can't articulate my feelings in words. Truly ironic. I also can't read books, which has been my escape since I was a child.

That happened to me, too. You might have to work at it, but it comes back to varying degrees. Be gentle with yourself.
« Last Edit: March 20, 2015, 10:10:42 AM by SieOma »
SieOma

(7.4.10)

"The best way out is always through," (Robert Frost).

Sueismylife-eternally

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  • Sue A. Brezina 2/10/79-12/24/2014 I love you!
Re: Check In
« Reply #21 on: March 20, 2015, 03:37:03 PM »
Just need someone to talk to.  Being alone is so very difficult. Today it feels like the world is crashing down on me and I can't breathe.  How I wish Sue was here. :(
Life is too short, enjoy every moment you have as if its your last!

mixelated

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Re: Check In
« Reply #22 on: March 21, 2015, 12:37:16 AM »
I know that one. Kinda wish this board had a chat/voice chat. I lost my husband 12/19/2015. Sometimes I can't breathe - hurts to breathe. Sometimes gulping, sometimes like I just can't draw breath. Hang in there. Hold on to something of hers.

Do you have a support group in your area?

Just need someone to talk to.  Being alone is so very difficult. Today it feels like the world is crashing down on me and I can't breathe.  How I wish Sue was here. :(

Sueismylife-eternally

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  • Sue A. Brezina 2/10/79-12/24/2014 I love you!
Re: Check In
« Reply #23 on: March 21, 2015, 01:29:07 PM »
I've learned about a young widow group in St.Paul and I'm trying to get connected with that.  Of I have my therapist, and I belong to a couple of grief support groups.  But I'm finding I just need friends who truly understand that I can talk to.  Trying to just make everyday special.
Life is too short, enjoy every moment you have as if its your last!

lcoxwell

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Re: Check In
« Reply #24 on: March 21, 2015, 03:51:10 PM »
Kinda wish this board had a chat/voice chat.

We do have chat.  Go to the General Forum, and you will find a thread titled "Chat Room Information", pinned to the top of the board, second one down.  Follow the instructions, and it will get you there.
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.

mixelated

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Re: Check In
« Reply #25 on: March 21, 2015, 10:21:47 PM »
Thanks!!

donswife

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Re: Check In
« Reply #26 on: March 22, 2015, 07:12:37 AM »
HI I am here and have been able to post on a few sites already. I am a little over 4 months since I became a "widow"
I had been in waiting for approval on the the other board so I am so glad to get on this one. It has been a life saver at times even just to read the posts to know I am not alone in this horrible journey
the only question I have is how do I do a profile picture ?
My everything

swilson

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  • Widower since Sept. 2014
Re: Check In
« Reply #27 on: March 22, 2015, 08:48:51 AM »
Hi Donswife. glad to see you here.  :)
I posted my avatar photo by clicking on Profile, then moved mouse pointer to Forum Profile, right click and you'll see options for Personalized Picture. Maybe someone can post simpler directions than these.
~ she's gone to Heaven so I've got to be good, so I can see my baby when I leave this world ~

Wandasmom

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Re: Check In
« Reply #28 on: March 23, 2015, 12:04:24 PM »
Hi everyone, I am a migrant from the ywbb. I am at almost 4 months and post occasionally but mostly read and get great comfort from what others post.  I've been finding that the loneliness is unbearable even though there are people around me who are willing to listen at times (but not many who truly understand and know how to be supportive).  It does help to talk with others in the same boat--I've joined a loss of spouse support group and  am grateful to have this forum.  There are so many people here who are so good at expressing their feelings and so often it is exactly what I am feeling. And I am truly inspired by hearing about how others are finding ways to cope.

Thanks to all who got this forum up and going!