Author Topic: Oh my fucking god (can I even write that in a title?) - more in-law drama...  (Read 5688 times)

Brenda

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The in-law saga continues.  Not content on cutting me off after my wife's death earlier this year, one of them has now written me the nastiest, most horrible letter I've ever read in my life, essentially blaming me for every single fucking problem in the entire family.  Just as I thought things had settled down into an uncomfortable, silent truce, this fucking idiot decides not just to open up all the old wounds, but also to slash a few more fresh ones.  And I'm not sure why.  Yeah, I get it, the family doesn't like the fact that my wife liked another girl.  Big deal.  But in this day and age, and after what happened, I simply cannot understand how anyone would so aggressively push me away.  Were my wife alive, she'd have gladly told her own family to go fuck themselves.  Sadly, she's not here and can't speak up for what she felt.  Instead, they've unleashed the most backward homophobia I've ever heard.

I don't get it.  I thought that us leaving each other alone was enough, that they'd driven me far enough away.  But I guess not.  There's some on my wife's side who clearly want to chase me down and harass me.  They are nasty, bitter people.

Sorry for the filthy language, but I can't find any polite words to use under the circumstances.
« Last Edit: May 07, 2015, 08:06:19 PM by Brenda »

linda5

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So sorry things are flaring up again.  I guess they are just trying to see how far they can push you ... but don't let them!  Ignore, ignore, and then ignore them again.  People like that don't deserve your time, and save your energy for things that matter to you.

Gabzmom

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I am so sorry that you are having to go through hateful things like that.  I hope there's a way you can sever ties with them.
"I always knew looking back on my tears would bring me laughter, but I never knew looking back on my laughter would make me cry." ~Cat Stevens

Jen

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((((Brenda)))) These people don't deserve another minute's rent space in your head! I know it's not that simple, but they need to GO. I am so, so sorry. They may be mourning as well, but grief is no excuse for cruelty. :(

(((((more hugs))))))
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

Kamcho

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It hurts my heart that my LGBT wids often get to deal with the extra crap layer of ignorance.

I'm sorry.

gracelet

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Brenda,

I'm so sorry.  i can copy and paste everything you've just written. literally everything.  i know how much it hurts.  all i can say is that, with time, you'll need to let go of the anger - as will they - as it will eat you up inside otherwise.

big gay love x
Musings of this sarcastic but upbeat young widow can be read here : www.eerilycheerily.com

Brenda

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A good night of sleep put some distance between me and yesterday's events.  Still can't stop thinking about it - and I've got a thousand things I need to be thinking about other than this stuff - but the initial "wft?" has started to ease a little.  All the advice and support given here is really appreciated, and far more than I've ever received from my wife's family.

I'm hoping that in a few years, I'll be settled into something of a new life, sitting in my little garden on a warm evening in a far away place with a glass of wine and (perhaps) some great new company, and I'll be able to look back on these events with half a smile and say, "Yeah, those were some strange times, but I got through it in one piece."

robunknown

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DW family is nuts, and they constantly try to pull me in. One of the best pieces of advice I got on here that I still use wiht the in-laws is, "You aren't obligated to answer the phone, or answer the door."

If I get some kind of nuts-o request, or wacky message. I ignore it like it never happened. Though they aren't directly vicious to me like you are getting. I still say you ignore.

Like they say when someone is road raging on you, just ignore, and keep looking forward. The agressor typically gets deflated and moves on.

I'm sorry these toxic folks are harassing you.

Carey

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I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this.  I've totally removed myself from any conversations whatsoever with my mother-in-law after more than once she accused me of being responsible for Chad's death. I feel that way enough on my own lady, don't need any help from you.  My kids are 16 and 17 so I'm ok with letting them determine how much she is in their life. Luckily we live several states away and have only actually seen her like 4 times.   At this point if I were you I just would refuse to participate. If something comes in the mail, hard as it may be ... I'd throw it away.  Curiosity will be hard, wanting to see oh what have they got to say THIS TIME ... but you can't unread it.  Like Rob said ... they're just plain toxic for you.  They are lashing out and you are the unfortunate target :(
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

Brenda

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OMG, they're doing it again.  The f**king in-laws, they just can't leave me and the kids alone.  They are literally making my f**king blood boil!  The last thing I need at the moment is more unnecessary stress, and that's precisely what they're doing.

You guys don't need the details.  Wanted to vent, that's all.

But about to wring their necks!  Grrrr.

Jen

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More hugs, hon...
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton

SoVerySad

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I'm sorry for the stress and hurt, Brenda.

Sending you hugs...
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.

Brenda

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(Ignore.  Said too much.)
« Last Edit: May 24, 2015, 07:20:03 PM by Brenda »

Skitwin

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Letter Refused - Return to Sender.

Dahlia

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I told you once to always try to have a good relationship with your in-laws, and I still believe it is in your best interests to keep as many people in your life as possible. But the issue here is that someone is hateful, afraid and incapable of self-realization, so they turn that shit on to you. They take a part of your identity that is real and valid and change it into something unreal and invalid. Fight it, fight that injustice as much as possible.

Having said that, I hope you don't look as the entire family as feeling that way. Families are complex and built on mutual dependence, so people may appear to agree with someone awful, but they really don't. The right people will shake themselves free of people like this. Please keep yourself open to a good relationship with some people who share your wife's DNA.

Your ability to visualize a lovely future will serve you well.... I believe in you.