Author Topic: Permanency, Successorship, and Rising from the Ashes  (Read 2425 times)


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Permanency, Successorship, and Rising from the Ashes
« on: March 09, 2015, 06:53:05 PM »
Hi everyone,

I hope you will all indulge me in a rather long post. I think it is fair to say that last Friday morning, there's a sizable segment of you that probably had no idea who I am. I am still pretty new to this widow thing, currently about 7.5 months in. However, as you all have experienced, time becomes elastic during widowhood and at times it feels like it took two years to live the past 7.5 months.

Less than a week after my husband died, I found YWBB through a Google search. I registered for an account immediately and 5 days later, it was approved. I instantly felt I was among friends and fellow travelers. I often attribute anything I do that passes for healthy grieving to that early support, whether I was actively posting or just reading and nodding. It is hard for me to imagine life without that outlet because it has been there for nearly all of my journey.

When YWBB was suddenly shut down, I felt gut punched. I thought about this precious community and knew it was not something I could personally afford to lose. So I did a crazy thing and set up a new one to round us up and give people that felt as I did that were perhaps not connected through shared phone numbers, Facebook accounts, or shared email addresses a place to go immediately. It breaks my heart that we are losing so much of of our history. For me, the legacy threads that stood the test of years were those that brought me the most comfort because I could see the full journey. It is frankly unacceptable that this history is gone, but if there is anything all of us have experience with it is learning to live with and eventually accept the unacceptable. I just hate that we keep having to do this.

I want everyone to know I did not make the decision to uproot us to this home lightly. I did so because this more than the other board, could be a permanent home for us. I know some of you are concerned this may not be our last stop. I don't blame you one bit. I assure you that I firmly believe it is. This space was provided to us by a YWBB member (Please let me know if I can give you credit so I can edit this with your name) that saw the writing on the wall and wanted to be prepared. It was essentially turnkey. If I did not firmly believe in the permanence of this space, I never would have made the big ask for all of you to come along to this board. Again, I know a lot of you do not know me enough to know how much stock to put in that statement, but all I can assure you is I am someone that right now NEEDS to have this community around and I am committed to doing anything I need to do to make sure that happens.

I also want everyone to know a main focus of mine is making sure we can easily pass the reins to a new generation as our time and ability to be present changes in the future, as let's face it, it inevitably will. You have my commitment that this will be done. This forum is the best fit for such a plan to eventually be enacted.

So, what do we need to do now to build this community and rise out of the ashes?

First, keep spreading the word to members of our community. Several of you have made an incredible effort to do this and you have my sincere thanks. Those that I am aware of that made a YWBB PM sprint are canadiangirl, AC, Stargazer74,  and SieOma. You all rock. I know that more of you have been hitting up FB groups, etc. and you all have my thanks as well. I have a feeling if I listed out everyone that has been spreading the word this post would take so much scrolling. Also, a big thanks to BlueBird for getting us listed at One Fit Widow.

Next, post, post, and post some more. Was there a thread at YWBB that meant something to you? Start it here. Have an idea for a new thread? Make it. As time goes by, this place will start filling up with experience, wisdom, stories, encouragement, and even laughter because although we are losing our history, we are not losing our present and who WE are.

In the coming days and weeks, getting this forum to show in search engine results is going to be a huge priority. If the newly widowed cannot find us, this community will not survive. I am not an expert in this area, but I am in talks with people that are much smarter than me in these areas to make sure we are doing everything we can to be found by those that sadly need to find us the most.

So, wrapping up that post that was probably a bit too long, I just want to thank this community not only for being there for me at the YWBB but also for taking a leap of faith and following us all here. I do not underestimate the responsibility the team and I have to ensure this is a permanent home for support. I would like to thank all of the moderators for volunteering their time. I know I have many more offers to help out that I am still wading through, so please do not feel I do not value your offer.

In the meantime, all of our PM boxes are available to you, though at times we may get a bit flooded so have patience if it takes a while to get back to you. If I missed your message on Proboards, I sincerely apologize. Things have been a bit nuts!

Thank you all!

Jess (Jezzy)

« Last Edit: March 09, 2015, 08:52:04 PM by Jess (Jezzy) »
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014


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Re: Permanency, Successorship, and Rising from the Ashes
« Reply #1 on: March 09, 2015, 07:14:50 PM »
I continue to be so impressed. At 7 months my highest functioning was getting out to see my local wids AND showering. Bless you. I know in my heart we will get to the search engines.
Very grateful.
"All the waves must reach the shore before the water calms"-Ray ♡


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Re: Permanency, Successorship, and Rising from the Ashes
« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2015, 07:38:27 PM »
Thanks for doing this and obviously spending your entire weekend getting us setup in our new home!  Hugs and much appreciation to you!!
I miss how happy I was with you.


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Re: Permanency, Successorship, and Rising from the Ashes
« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2015, 07:39:03 PM »
You're doing just fine, Jess. All of you are doing just fine. There are bound to be growing pains, but we'll get through it. This board will feel like home in no time.

If you ever want new emoticons, hit me up. I have a TON of them saved in a folder on photobucket from the message board I co-owed a few years ago.


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Re: Permanency, Successorship, and Rising from the Ashes
« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2015, 08:43:37 PM »
As I channel my inner Deadhead, "What a long strange trip it's been" Thank you so much Jezzy and everyone who pulled this off. Friday evening I sent a farewell message for @Justin to be sure he had my email addy to stay in touch. Saturday morning I get his return email "New Board!" Wow, this is exciting for someone only 6 months out to realize they're not going to bob around aimlessly in the widow sea. I can't get everything from therapy and need this forum for some real world balance.
~ she's gone to Heaven so I've got to be good, so I can see my baby when I leave this world ~


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Re: Permanency, Successorship, and Rising from the Ashes
« Reply #5 on: March 09, 2015, 09:03:12 PM »
Great post and thank you for following your instincts!

I was in tears at the realization of all that will be lost from YWBB. It felt even more painful because it came so suddenly and without the respect of providing an explanation. The reasons may be very good, but it seems we will never know.

All that there is to do now is put one foot in front of another and rebuild. I can't have benefited from YWBB as much as I have and not help with that rebuilding.

Cheers, Bluebird
My First Love, Peace Be Thine


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Re: Permanency, Successorship, and Rising from the Ashes
« Reply #6 on: March 10, 2015, 10:24:58 AM »
Jess, hats off to you and everyone else that have been working pretty much non-stop at getting us reorganized and up and running.  I cannot imagine what would have happened to the community if you didn't take the reigns immediately and work so hard at keeping everyone from scattering to the wind.  I have such respect for you guys, and I know that you are making decisions that will ensure the long term survival of the community.
?Knock and it shall be opened.' But does knocking mean hammering and kicking the door like a maniac??
C.S. Lewis

?Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.?
C.S. Lewis


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Re: Permanency, Successorship, and Rising from the Ashes
« Reply #7 on: March 10, 2015, 04:02:47 PM »
Thank you everyone who had a hand in starting up this new board!!!!!
Rick, an amazing husband, father, fisherman & fisher of men with a servants heart who served God every day. ReRe, miss your smile & twinkle in your eye.


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Re: Permanency, Successorship, and Rising from the Ashes
« Reply #8 on: March 10, 2015, 05:16:21 PM »
Well done. Again.

I know I said I wasn't going to post  :-[, but it looks like I am - for now - because I agree that posting is what will build this site and establish it as a good place for widowed.

7 months, eh? I thought you were an old hat. Grace under pressure for sure.
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