Author Topic: fucking cancer  (Read 1688 times)


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fucking cancer
« on: May 17, 2015, 04:29:51 PM »
What a ????? weekend.  I don't even know how to describe it.

I went to the wedding of the only nephew on DH's side of the family.  This winter, I offered Nephew DH's wedding band and he and his bride-to-be accepted.  Really meant a lot to me, and to him, too, I think.

Anyway, the ceremony was lovely but so, so bittersweet for me, knowing that what once was a part of my life has now become someone else's.  And at the risk of sounding like a Negative Nancy, all I kept thinking is that unless they happen to be one of those lucky old couples who die within hours of each other, one of them will at some point experience the hell I've been going through and I'd give anything to spare them that pain.  (I'm not particularly religious, but I think in that moment, I finally "got" why Jesus agreed to die for our sins.)  I don't normally cry at weddings, but I cried through the entire thing this time.  How embarrassing.

Anyway, at the reception, my BIL informed me that one of their cousins was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a couple of months ago.  This cousin and my husband were born in the same year and I often thought looked enough alike to be brothers.  It breaks my heart to think that Cousin was already suffering from cancer (most likely) at DH's memorial service last summer but didn't know it.

It just makes me sick to think about it.

So, I guess what should have been such a joyous occasion (and it was, in some ways), I ended up being an emotional wreck in ways I hadn't anticipated.

As always, thanks for listening.  It makes me feel better to know that there are people who understand and care.


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Re: fucking cancer
« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2015, 04:59:40 PM »
That was very sweet of you to offer the wedding band. I'm sorry it was all such an emotional experience for you, but can totally understand why it would be. It is hard not to wish you could go back and relive experiences you see others embarking on and feel sadness that you can't. I'm sorry to hear about your husband's cousin. Cancer sucks.

Sending you tight hugs, jlp!
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.


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Re: fucking cancer
« Reply #2 on: May 17, 2015, 09:27:03 PM »
That was really sweet of you to give the groom your husband's ring.  ((Hugs)) Yes, cancer sucks!

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss


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Re: fucking cancer
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2015, 08:35:24 AM »
Giant hugs to both you and cousin, jlp.  That disease took my wife away and there's nothing I'd like to see more than someone kicking it's fucking ass.  Wishing you all the absolute best.


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Re: fucking cancer
« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2015, 05:01:25 PM »
((jlp)) You are a trooper - that is a lot to bear in one weekend.  Love the wedding ring idea, beautiful.  Agree with your subject line 100%!


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Re: fucking cancer
« Reply #5 on: June 01, 2015, 02:31:05 AM »
Fuck cancer...I've lost too many loved ones to this scourge...including DH.