Author Topic: Double Whammy Grief: 2 in one summer  (Read 410 times)


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  • Posts: 8
  • Bubs: 1989-2017
Double Whammy Grief: 2 in one summer
« on: October 02, 2017, 02:04:45 AM »
My grandfather passed away a week ago, just 3 1/2 months after my partner, Bubs, committed suicide.
Grandpa was almost 90 and in poor health. He left behind his wife, 4 children, 10 grandchildren, and 4 great-grandchildren.

I've been stuck - not grieving the loss of my partner - for the last couple of months. Yesterday I finally cried again.

I'm at my grandparents' farm in Kansas, flying back home to California tomorrow. If Bubs was alive, he'd be waiting for me at the airport. I'd be sending him pictures of all the farming stuff and telling him stories about all the goofy midwestern things. I miss him. There are so many things I wish I could have shown him on the farm. We talked about him joining me one year - would he be well enough? What would my grandparents think? They wouldn't let us share a bed. What if we got married just to get around that?

I hope that I'll get some time to myself when I get home - I can't really cry unless I know I'll be undisturbed but that's not really possible these days.

How do you manage grieving two people so soon? What if I'm still stuck and not really grieving my partner? How do you get some alone time when you share a room with a roommate?
"You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves."     -- Mary Oliver

Bubs: 1989-2017


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  • Posts: 477
Re: Double Whammy Grief: 2 in one summer
« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2017, 08:09:24 PM »
If you drive the car is a great of my favorite places to a shed a tear.