Author Topic: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said  (Read 33129 times)

canadiangirl

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #30 on: March 10, 2015, 09:38:10 PM »
This one happened to me just today, but I heard it secondhand and it wasn't a personal message, thank goodness: 

"We have faith that with all the new technology and social networks, the newbies will find their way, just as we found ours. The site wasn't there when I lost my husband... In fact, there are so many wonderful online resources now, we felt that everyone would find their way and be in good hands. It was a really hard decision and there were many board discussions about how to address our future. Please know we have always had everyone's best intentions in mind...Thank you for reading this and understanding that it was a business decision made based on many factors that not everyone is aware of."   ::)

Virgo

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #31 on: March 10, 2015, 09:42:24 PM »
Friend to my mil "Be thankful he lived for 39 years." Of course, but we wanted him to live another 50 or so.

Friend to my daughter "I know how you feel. My dog just died." Not even close.

I overheard my dad say to someone, "my son in-law passed away, but we weren't very close." Very hurtful. I haven't told my dad I overheard him.
Jen

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

DansSoulmate

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #32 on: March 19, 2015, 03:14:17 PM »
At the funeral home by an employee as I was sitting on the edge of the seat scared senseless bracing myself for having to identify his body and make arrangements,  "Are you ok?"..umm..well..let's see..my husband just died (in front of me) 30 some hours ago so the answer would be "NO".

At the memorial service by one of his customers.."You look gooooodddd".well thanks, I'm actually still in a state of shock so I'm lucky to have two matching shoes and clothes on  :)

From his mother three days after his death from a heart attack, "YOU should have MADE him go to the cardiologist"..seriously..he was 50 so capable of making his own decisions about his health care and not that long ago he had been to a cardiologist as well as had a stress test.

keeptrying

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #33 on: March 19, 2015, 06:16:54 PM »
My mother knew how close our family was and how happy we were in our marriage. These are things that were said by my mom IMMEDIATELY after my husband died.. Would you rather the insurance policy or have him back? Maybe he did it because your son annoyed him too much and he couldn't take it. You need to get over it, you are ruining your kids by being sad, you are going to screw them up for life. Life is what you make it, and you are choosing to be miserable. How much money did you get, I need to know to see if I should move out there and help you. (She doesn't have a job)
A male friend I knew since the age of 11 - You are beautiful and a great mom, but no way in hell you will ever find a man who wants to be with you because of all the kids you have. If I were you, I would just get over it already. You need to stop being so selfish and dwelling over this and start getting out more.
My uncle asked if he could help with food/finances. My other uncle, oh don't worry about her, she is loaded now. ( didn't even know if i had a policy or my money situation) - Same uncle, hours after death ran upstairs, opened the door when I was telling my dad and said, go get your life insurance policy, I need to see it now.
My cousin - wow, and I used to be jealous of your family.
Everything happens for a reason, in time, you will learn a lesson and good will come of it!!  WHAT? someone ACTUALLY said that to me. Pregnant with 6 small kids, take my husband and kids dad away and tell me something like that?
God knows when you are going to live and die..He took him for a purpose -  oh yeah? because being a dad and supporting your wife and family wasn't a good enough one? Leaving me here alone in hell is okay?
How many times I heard, I understand how you feel, what you are going through..  - I say No, no you don't.
My brothers uncles dads twice removed cousins cat died.. - see? I know, I know how you feel, I have been through it
Unfortunately there are many more. Needless to say.. it is hard trying to keep a relationship with people even though some how they mean the best and have the best intentions?
 

Baylee627

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #34 on: March 20, 2015, 10:15:13 AM »
Reading through these posts, my main thought is just WTF is wrong with some people?? Some of these stories are mildly humorous because the offenders are so obtuse, but some of the offenders in these posts---their comments make me recoil they are that egregious!

Just...yuck!

Baylee
Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion--Dylan Thomas

Lisa

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #35 on: March 21, 2015, 09:06:05 AM »
Really shocking what widows said to eachother. My favorite was about 2 weeks after the funeral by a "friend" of his...."i just cant believe he would have wanted to be cremated "
"All the waves must reach the shore before the water calms"-Ray ♡

kmouse

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #36 on: March 21, 2015, 01:39:14 PM »
"You should be glad you had that kind of a love...lots of people don't even get that. I probably wouldn't expect it again." -guy I supervised who then began a pattern of pestering me socially and trying to get me to go out with him (my husband was a flat stud and he was a dud. As IF.)

"Well, now at least she can get married again to someone who can give her children." -one of my staff members (Richard and I had many years of infertility issues and had decided to adopt the day before he died.)

And then there was the wid dad who wreaked major havoc in the wids w/o kids section on the old board a while back. Seem to enjoy pounding it into our childless heads that his reality was much worse than ours. Probably one of the only times I wanted to reach through the screen and rip the face off another wid. I'll never forget the awful things he said...damaging.

Other than those, just garden variety cluelessness from people who cared, couldn't understand, but tried really hard. Those folks I cut lots of slack towards and listen for intent.
Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale. -Anonymous

And sometimes it can give a second. -Me

RWV 7/7/56-4/13/09 I would have waited forever.

Kamcho

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #37 on: March 21, 2015, 02:11:40 PM »
Well, we all know that on the old board it was ok to treat people like crap as long as there were groupies to back you up.

I'm sure he was having a really rough time in his life, so that made it ok to behave that way....

I doubt that will fly here.



And then there was the wid dad who wreaked major havoc in the wids w/o kids section on the old board a while back. Seem to enjoy pounding it into our childless heads that his reality was much worse than ours. Probably one of the only times I wanted to reach through the screen and rip the face off another wid. I'll never forget the awful things he said...damaging.
« Last Edit: March 21, 2015, 02:13:34 PM by Kamcho »

Baylee627

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #38 on: March 21, 2015, 03:20:03 PM »
^^^Nope, sure won't.

(Carry on:)

Baylee
Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion--Dylan Thomas

Munsen

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #39 on: March 21, 2015, 05:38:04 PM »
I must confess that I've had my share of tactless comments in this new life. Some have been gut-wrenching and have caused me a lot of anger that I've had to work hard at expunging from my life.

So many people that I used to not mind are now anathema to me and that is sad and one of the secondary losses in grief. I can honestly say that I felt visceral hatred towards some when I'd see them after one of those thoughtless comments. And avoiding them until I could rebuild my tough outer shell. But, to this day there are some people I cannot do more than mumble a polite 'hello' when they greet me in the community and then I skedaddle as quickly as possible out of range of their insensitive tongues.

Just last week (I'm over 4 years out) a new staff member stopped me at my mom's nursing home to brightly tell me that she was sorry my husband had died but that she used to be so jealous of me that she couldn't hardly stand the sight of me....Umm, how am I supposed to take that? So, now you can talk to me because you feel sorry for me? I mumbled something like 'Umm, ok, gotta go!" then quickly left before I said something bad like 'eff you, bi**h!'  Not because I wasn't willing to but the last thing my mother needs is an aide with an angry attitude towards me. But all I could think afterwards was 'WTF was that about? What purpose did telling me that serve?!'

Again and again I've realized its all about other people's feelings. Ours are inconsequential to that type. And, yes, some people really don't use their brains for more than a hat-rack.

Chopperette

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #40 on: March 22, 2015, 10:38:13 AM »
When my dear sister told me the dentist (who is a friend and a widower) asked her how was I. She said she told him I was sad, but she tought I was better off without my LH!!!!!!  >:(
I love my sister she has a good heart and tries to help everyone, but she is very insensitive and it's hard to love her!

Wheelerswife

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #41 on: March 22, 2015, 11:32:16 AM »
Chopperette, my gynecologist told me that I would be better off without my first husband, too.  Talk about a kick to the gut.

Maureen

Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

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Carey

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #42 on: March 23, 2015, 07:45:39 AM »

Unfortunately there are many more. Needless to say.. it is hard trying to keep a relationship with people even though some how they mean the best and have the best intentions?
 

NO ONE should ever have to hear these things. My heart just broke reading it.  I thought my family was the worst.   My husband's brother told me within like 2 hours of finding out he was dead to "not make this into an Amy pity party".  !!!!   There is just no reason for this. Its one thing that our situations make others uncomfortable , no doubt, and they are at a loss for words ... but these things are just out of the ballpark uncalled for.
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

BrokenHeart2

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #43 on: March 23, 2015, 03:10:36 PM »
My sister asked me if will marry again, within days after DH died.  WTF.
I don't want it to be his legacy that his death destroyed me.
I need to honour his life by rebuilding my life.

fairlanegirl

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #44 on: March 23, 2015, 06:09:43 PM »
MAc, you reminded me of my husband's boss who came to visit in the days between the death and funeral.  y mom was there and she is overweight, out of shape, smoker and frequently eats McDonalds 3 times a day.  Boss says, as I am walking him out to the car, "We use to talk about your mom's health a lot.  Why the fuck is she here and he is dead?"  I was like...  Umm...  excuse me?
Though not very nice to your mum, when I read this I thought, in a way he is just expressing something that many of us feel. Just not doing it very tactfully...his way of showing shocked sympathy.