Author Topic: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said  (Read 37398 times)


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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #165 on: June 08, 2017, 11:02:04 PM »
I have had one of his friends say he had a dream about me hooking up with my hubby's brother.  Did I think that would ever happen?  Hell no.  Not a chance.  Haha


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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #166 on: August 02, 2017, 09:27:47 PM »
Standing in line at Starbucks in a griefy mood on my phone waiting to give my order. I must have been frowning because the guy behind me taps me on the shoulder and asks: "Hey sweetheart, who died?"

I look up stunned but manage to reply "my husband" then immediately go back to my phone. He left me alone after that.

Ask a shitty question get a shitty answer am I right?


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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #167 on: August 19, 2017, 04:32:57 PM »
I got to page 5 and couldn't take it anymore.

Yikes! Wow! I'd like to gather up all those nasty people and put them on an island together with SAM sites all around ready to shoot down any outbound air traffic and depth charge mines ready to take out anyone trying to leave. They can enjoy the island together. I bet it would have to be pretty big. I'd give them a bunch of seeds of all varieties and some manuals on how to farm so they could eat well and be healthy while they were being cruel heartless wretches.

Things I have been told:

"You should move on. I know a couple college girls interested in a threesome who need an extra man around..." - Former co-worker
"I think the best medicine for your emotions right now is to go back to work." - office lady at the apartment complex
"Why would you complain that this is the last load of her clothing that you will wash and fold? That's just insane!" - Former neighbor at the old apartments
"The only important person in your life is your son. You can go to hell for all I care." - dad's second wife (both divorced)
"I don't understand what your problem is. Why do you even still care about that woman? She's dead!" - grandma on my dad's side
"I know a couple girls that could give you some head and you'll feel fine in a minute. You'll forget that old broad just as quick as you can spit!" - uncle
"Why do you even need a wife anyway? Just hang at my place, get high and we'll get you laid." - former coworker's drug dealer
"Grief is quick and painless. You're just being a big wuss about it." - drug addict at a grocery store

I kind of ... stopped talking to people about it. Then when I felt ok to talk about it again because I had largely conquered the pain, I got these gems:

"She's hideous. I can't believe you'd even want that." - gal I nearly dated
"So what did you need her for? You can find all that at the dollar store. Just pick up a chick there and you'll be fine." - some idiot (I forget where I was)
"I think you belong on 'people of wal-mart'" - ex's daughter (during that first 2 years when I couldn't even any of it and didn't brain at all because of the dumb caused by grief)
"Yeah my dad was widowed. He dealt with it by killing himself. Best choice he ever made." - jackass at the gas station
"Maybe if you play the lottery you'll win that too." - woman at a grocery store
"I can't possibly fathom why such an intelligent person would be so obsessed with prattling on about some relationship he had with a woman who was kind to his genitals." - a college professor I talked to only once
"I care more about dogs than people and right now you're on my nerves." - a woman at petsmart whom overheard my conversation with a friend about being widowed
"I go for married men, not for widows." - a woman I hit on. She was scowling as she said this.
"I think the best thing you can do is take out some life insurance and make it look like an accident. Since you have a kid too you can get a double whammy. It just has to look like an accident. Your life is already over, you just haven't joined your wife yet." - car sales manager advising me on getting my family's debt settled instead of working to pay it off
"Your grandma stole your car, you lost your job because you couldn't remember anything, the apartment management wanted you to die too so they could rent to someone else, your kid would have died without you there... why does any of this matter? Why should anyone care? You're just another hopeless bum living on the lam with your SSI and your sob story."

It's really sad that being widowed is a "don't ask, don't tell" matter for most folks. Lovely people, no? Kind of makes me want to bathe the world in nuclear fire. That would be nice. I'm not angry or anything, I just want them to end like that time when you can't wait until that movie your parents are watching is over so you can play video games on the TV. The deep burning rage has finally turned to cinders and ash, though there are still a few embers of raw fury left in the pile.
« Last Edit: August 19, 2017, 04:58:25 PM by Christopher »


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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #168 on: August 19, 2017, 11:44:49 PM »
Lovely people, no?

Good grief! There are some classy, classy people out there.

I'm so sorry you had to listen to all that, Christopher.
They lived and laughed and loved and left.


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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #169 on: September 26, 2017, 08:29:43 AM »
I just had a colleague lose her elderly father. Now I know people grieve the loss of their parent pretty hard sometimes and admittedly I'm not very emapthetic about this. I have lost both my parents and yes there was an initial sadness but not elongated grief. It's the circle of life.

Having said this I am sensitive enough to know that is my opinion and everybody handles things differently.

What I had trouble with was when I went and offered my condolences upon her return to work, she told me how it was difficult(ok) and how I could relate(ok) and how her teenage daughter ended up breaking down at the end of the funeral......and somehow she said it was just like my sons.....

NO !!! My sons lost their DAD when he was in the prime of life....not their grandfather at the end of his ......NOT THE SAME!



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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #170 on: September 26, 2017, 09:07:32 AM »

I hear you. I always thought it would be so completely devastating to lose my parents, and there was a time I almost obsessed over the thought. But then I lost D in the prime of life with three teenagers at home five years ago. Two years later my dad was gone. Then last December my mom died. I was sad, but also quite stoic about it, and although my kids were heartbroken, they, too, realized it was indeed the circle of life and moved forward through the grief quickly. The loss of their dad, well, no, that is something with us every day. Every single day.

I guess all we can do is just vent like this, because their loss is personal to them and  relative to their life experiences, of course.  But, no, not the same.

I  have also experienced something similar when a divorced friend offered condolences to my loss and said she could emphathize with my kids' grief as her children were "going through the same thing."  Ummm, no they weren't. I saw their dad shouting encouragement at the son's baseball game the next weekend and  presenting his daughter with flowers and hugs after her dance recital a few weeks later.

But that is a whole other thread. 😉


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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #171 on: September 26, 2017, 10:30:30 AM »
I had similar experience few times. Last night friend not in touch for a while called to give his condolence and said he can understand as he also went in depression 2 years back when his dad passed away. I was like no dude it is not same but didn't wanted to say it to his face.
One time one divorced women told me you are better off as you have good memories about her unlike them who have bad memories about their marriage and spouse.


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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #172 on: October 02, 2017, 11:08:57 AM »
My partner's family and I went shopping for funeral homes. At the first one, we were talking through all our questions: cremation or burial? Open casket or closed? Can we hide the marks? The funeral director asked, "So he hung himself, then? Well here's what we can do, blah blah."

And then as we were leaving, the funeral director said, "Thank you for coming in. Hang in there, everyone."

Now it's become somewhat of a joke between us:
"How are you holding up?"
"Oh, you know. I'm hanging in there."
"You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves."     -- Mary Oliver

Bubs: 1989-2017