Author Topic: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said  (Read 33217 times)

Mac

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Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« on: March 09, 2015, 07:15:14 PM »
Early On: "Some of the neighbors think that you aren't grieving enough." (You should see me behind closed doors or with those that I trust).

Going to the Optometrist. This was at about 7 months:

The other day I was at the optometrist office. I had requested a copy of Cindy's charges from last year. It was supposed to be waiting for me.

They didn't have it ready, so I gave them her name and DOB. The receptionist looked at me and said: I show that she is dead. She said it in the tone of: I see that you have changed your phone number.

The employee sitting next to her turned and looked at her in a state of disbelief. That employee then looked up at me and started crying.

I replied: Yes indeed, she is dead.

There had been some other sadness earlier that day - so that kind of just added to that. By about 9:00 PM I actually started to find it somewhat humorous that she was so clueless.

If I would have been on my toes, I would have responded to her:

"As coroner I must report, I thoroughly examined her. And she's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead."
« Last Edit: December 05, 2016, 10:08:54 AM by Mac »
Grateful for the past. Embracing the present. Trusting in the future.

Mac

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #1 on: March 09, 2015, 07:20:38 PM »
http://youtu.be/OYVnt3KDxDE

Shit People Say to Widows
Grateful for the past. Embracing the present. Trusting in the future.

lovedroses

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2015, 08:54:12 PM »
My winner in this category after 5 years of some truly mind blowing nuggets:

"You are so lucky, you have options now."  If it had been handy, I do believe I would have purse-slapped her.   :o

« Last Edit: March 09, 2015, 08:56:16 PM by lovedroses »
Every day was a gift.

Elizabeth29

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2015, 09:39:58 PM »
At Thanksgiving dinner with my DH's family, his uncle, quite loudly, asks me if I've starting dating yet.  With all eyes on me, I say no.

His reply?

"Huh, it's not natural for someone your age not to be dating".

Um...ok....maybe I'm not dating because your nephew died and I just don't feel like it yet.  I should have flung a spoonful of mashed potatoes at his head.

Mangomom

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2015, 10:16:10 PM »
At the cemetery,  3 days after he unexpectedly died, buying the plots...  "You sure you want two? You are young and pretty, you'll probably marry again."

Former best friend... "If you think you should be crying about B and you aren't, call me and I'll do it.  I miss him so much."

My own mother, after seeing my new hair cut at abou 9 months out... Wow, you've bounced back.  I'm so happy for you.  There's a guy in my office..."

Chopperette

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #5 on: March 09, 2015, 10:40:07 PM »
A friend told me at almost 21 months out

I pray every day for him to have a chance to get into heaven, that is if he made it into purgatory...

I was......

Baylee627

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #6 on: March 09, 2015, 10:42:39 PM »
At the cemetery office, less than two weeks after DH's burial, I'd come to fork over the setting fee for his monument installation.

The office manager, about the most unpleasant old mare ever conceived takes one look at my stricken, tearful face and chirped brightly: "don't you worry, you are still young and you'll get married again."

Me: (thinking, step off, beeyotch, and WTF??) "I am not even thinking of that."

Her: "Well, I lost my first husband at around your age, and I got remarried, so trust me that you will, too.

Me: "Are we finished here? Because I'm going to go visit my husband's grave."

My sweet husband was resting eternally about 40 yards to the left of me outside her office window. That scrunched-faced woman was lucky I didn't throttle her in a fit of fury!

Baylee


« Last Edit: March 09, 2015, 10:47:23 PM by Baylee627 »
Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion--Dylan Thomas

Mangomom

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #7 on: March 09, 2015, 11:08:54 PM »
The office manager, about the most unpleasant old mare ever conceived takes one look at my stricken, tearful face and chirped brightly: "don't you worry, you are still young and you'll get married again

Your cemetery witch and my gravedigger must have studied at the same school for the obnoxious!

widowat33

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #8 on: March 09, 2015, 11:19:07 PM »
Ah, yes..the young you will get married again comments..Really? Cause that's the first thing on my mind when I've just lost the love of my life, yep first priority find a man..
Or, everything happens for a reason...explain that one..or better yet explain the reason I just "four finger throat punched" you ( that was my hubby's favorite saying, he had lost a finger, so it was always four fingered instead of five)
I just smile politely and change the topic, because I'm sure I have and will make insensitive statements too..
But yeah sometimes they just piss you off...

OSAAT

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #9 on: March 10, 2015, 03:29:50 AM »
I was trying to explain some of the complicated grief I have experienced to a friend, which is my fault. I know better. He asked if i still loved J. I said yes. I said I still loved my first love, too. He said well I see why you've struggled with dating (I am thinking WTF does that mean). I asked what he meant and he said "it is tough for a man to swallow that his gf loves other men". I responded saying well, I am not shouting it in their faces or wearing t-shirts. And his response was "its a rock and a hard place to secretly love other men while trying to build an honest relationship with a new man. I don't envy you". WTF was that? And who said I was secretly hiding anything you dickwaud? My response was "just because you're no longer in a relationship or someone dies does not mean you stop loving them. It is not that simple".

I don't even know what to say. I am completely speechless (for once).
« Last Edit: March 11, 2015, 01:04:01 AM by OSAAT »

Carey

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #10 on: March 10, 2015, 07:34:53 AM »
Ya'll ready for me to take the prize here? A year later I can laugh, but wow....
So my husband died 11/23/13, his body came back from Saudi Arabia 1/6/14, and he was finally laid to rest at Fayetteville State Veteran's Cemetery 1/17/14.  I live about 45 minutes away from Fayetteville. One of my childhood friends lives there now. We're talking like elementary school. Didn't go through middle school or high school together because he moved.  When he moved back to NC as an adult we picked back up a facebook friendship and he came to visit me once while Chad was in Saudi and helped me with a car issue. Chad's death was complicated by the overseas thing and there were lots of details over 6 weeks that were mind boggling.  Trey helped with some of that since he lived where I was burying Chad. So fast forward to the day of the funeral. Outdoors, January 17th, military honors. We were in a committal shelter but it was COLD.  Trey put his coat around my shoulders, which was a nice gesture. I was just completely strung out. I ended up kneeling in the dirt after they buried him and just couldn't get up. He took a pic of me then which I thought was weird. Later, we all went to his restaurant he managed. He is a 5 star chef and it was FANCY.  He comped the bill for all of us ... like 20 people.  Long story short, the people I was spending the night with weren't feeling well and I had left my truck at their house. I asked Trey if he would take me back to the cemetery, I just wanted to go back for a few minutes and he said he would. We get there and it's dark and cold and he is standing behind me with his arms around me which I was fine with. UNTIL he turned me around, KISSED me with tongue..........and tried to run his hand UP my dress.  Yup right there at the fresh grave.

Do I get an award for most obnoxious encounter in widowhood?  UGHHH......
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

Linda L

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #11 on: March 10, 2015, 07:40:57 AM »
Mine was when a fellow young widow told me "to look in the mirror" when I lamented on the other board that I would probably never know the reasons behind my DH's suicide.
It's not what happens to you, but what you do with it, that defines your life.

DonnaP

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #12 on: March 10, 2015, 08:22:39 AM »
Wow! THOSE are pretty obnoxious. I don't think I can top any of the former comments. I did get propositioned by a co-worker, who told me he'd had a dream about me. Silly me - so naive - I asked what we were doing in the dream. He said we had taken a hike, and stopped by a large boulder, then started doing it on the boulder. Um. Yeah. Time to end THAT conversation fast...
*******
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JacklessSally

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #13 on: March 10, 2015, 08:25:20 AM »
I had a widow (on another support group online)  tell me that I didn't know what loss was. That my loss was nothing in comparison.

A few weeks later, a friend and I were talking about suicidal thoughts and his accidental overdose (he is fine, thank god) she butted in and told us that we aren't allowed to talk about things like that and that we were scaring away people who may need to talk...

I have had strangers offer me sex as a way to get over B..
B.H.S. 1-20-1974 - 11-13-2014

You will always be my Jack and I will always be your Sally. For we were simply meant to be.

MrsDan

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Re: Some Of The Most Insensitive Things That People Have Said
« Reply #14 on: March 10, 2015, 09:22:40 AM »
Ya'll ready for me to take the prize here? A year later I can laugh, but wow....
So my husband died 11/23/13, his body came back from Saudi Arabia 1/6/14, and he was finally laid to rest at Fayetteville State Veteran's Cemetery 1/17/14.  I live about 45 minutes away from Fayetteville. One of my childhood friends lives there now. We're talking like elementary school. Didn't go through middle school or high school together because he moved.  When he moved back to NC as an adult we picked back up a facebook friendship and he came to visit me once while Chad was in Saudi and helped me with a car issue. Chad's death was complicated by the overseas thing and there were lots of details over 6 weeks that were mind boggling.  Trey helped with some of that since he lived where I was burying Chad. So fast forward to the day of the funeral. Outdoors, January 17th, military honors. We were in a committal shelter but it was COLD.  Trey put his coat around my shoulders, which was a nice gesture. I was just completely strung out. I ended up kneeling in the dirt after they buried him and just couldn't get up. He took a pic of me then which I thought was weird. Later, we all went to his restaurant he managed. He is a 5 star chef and it was FANCY.  He comped the bill for all of us ... like 20 people.  Long story short, the people I was spending the night with weren't feeling well and I had left my truck at their house. I asked Trey if he would take me back to the cemetery, I just wanted to go back for a few minutes and he said he would. We get there and it's dark and cold and he is standing behind me with his arms around me which I was fine with. UNTIL he turned me around, KISSED me with tongue..........and tried to run his hand UP my dress.  Yup right there at the fresh grave.

Do I get an award for most obnoxious encounter in widowhood?  UGHHH......


Ummmm, yes.
You are the Bear of my heart dear,
And nothing can take that away.