Author Topic: New widow in first month, so hard  (Read 108 times)


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New widow in first month, so hard
« on: December 04, 2017, 11:13:42 AM »
Hi I am a 52 yr old who lost her husband of 15 years on October 27th. To say that it was an understatement is putting it mildly. He was in the hospital for a brown heel, ended up with a blood infection that ended in a clot in his left lung that led to cardiac arrest - he was in my arms when he went into cardiac arrest. I can not get that moment out of my head nor can I get over the fact that we didn't get last words together because he never recovered from the cardiac arrest.

This was all on top of a rough year to begin with. I lost my father on March 15 and my father in law on August 2nd. I feel as though every single important man in my life is now gone and my head is reeling. Trying to carry on the family business and 3 estates has been incredibly hard. 

I am blessed that my kids have been fantastic, but they are grown and have to have their own lives, so trying to continue to pick up the pieces and find my new 'normal' has been so hard.

Please someone tell me that it gets better. I am now on more anti-depressants and anxiety mess than normal because it is the only way I can sleep at night.


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Re: New widow in first month, so hard
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2017, 01:52:10 PM »
So sorry you had to experience so much loss in a short amount of time. Does it get easier? Yes and no - the hurt and pain softens over time differently for everyone but grief can always follow you like a shadow. For me it took a lot of mental work on myself and for my children's I could help them: processing the loss, understanding we had no control, knowing we could not have done anything different to prevent it, and simply accepting the loss. I often tell my girls we never have to like our situation. It will always suck however we need to accept it and understand that it did happen and was not in our imaginations. Getting rest and taking of yourself is important. Just be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack. There is no race to complete, no strict or formal timeline to follow so do what is best for you. No one can dictate that to you. Hugs!


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Re: New widow in first month, so hard
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2017, 02:13:28 PM »
Hello IAYW -

Yes, it does get better and easier over time. Just do the best you can and taking one step at a time is the key to recovery.

Good luck - Mike
The war is over for me now. But those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again, to teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.