Author Topic: Changes in my grief  (Read 941 times)

Silwe

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Changes in my grief
« on: May 23, 2015, 04:01:04 PM »
I used to listen to a lot of music after my DF died. It has been almost two years now, and as I listen to the same music as I did then, I realise that something has changed. I've got over some kind of a milestone in my grieving. It might be because I found a new man, who has been everything I could have asked for, and has helped me a lot.
There was this one song I used to listen to, and cry like a waterfall, because it reminded me of what I had and lost. It's this one, but it's in Finnish: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeJAZE721OI
I translated the text roughly, so here goes:

I return home through the thick smoke
People walk by, there?s a hole in the road
A wooden station, a closed-down factory
I hug myself, hide my hands from the wind
If I didn?t know you?re there, I wouldn?t keep on,
I couldn?t lift my gaze from the ground

When darkness comes I squeeze your hand
You'll still be here tomorrow won't you
You end the sentences I begin
And pick up the pieces as I break apart
So you'll still be here tomorrow won't you
You'll still be here tomorrow won't you

I could listen to your clinging laughter
Until the glacial ice melts or night prevails
When the crows caw and the soil goes deep
I know I did something right when I held on to you
The more time goes, I hope
That this bliss is eternal

When darkness comes I squeeze your hand
You'll still be here tomorrow won't you
You end the sentences I begin
And pick up the pieces as I break apart
So you'll still be here tomorrow won't you
You'll still be here tomorrow won't you

The same force that makes the leaves grow
That teaches a small child to walk
That drives birds to warmth in the winter
Brought us together
Brought us together

When darkness comes I squeeze your hand
You'll still be here tomorrow won't you
You end the sentences I begin
And pick up the pieces as I break apart
So you'll still be here tomorrow won't you
You'll still be here tomorrow won't you


Now, as I listen to it, and cry, I realise that in my mind the song has a new meaning - it no longer speaks directly of my DF, but of my new BF. He's now the one who finishes my sentences, who picks up the pieces when I fall apart, whom I hug at night and am terrified to lose because of what I've previously experienced.

I don't know how I feel about this. Do I feel relieved that I am moving on, or do I feel guilty?
8th Oct 1992 - 27th July 2013 (accident)

How do you move on? You move on when your heart finally understands that there is no turning back. - J.R.R. Tolkien

lcoxwell

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Re: Changes in my grief
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2015, 08:21:42 PM »
I am so happy for you, that you have noticed that change in your grief. I found a wonderful new man, too, and I often question whether I am feeling relieved or guilty, too. I say, enjoy your new man and embrace all the joy and happiness you can find. Life is far too short to be miserable.
"The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." - Thornton Wilder

Thank you, my dearest Kenneth, for loving me and for giving me the best 13 years of my life.

Jen

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Re: Changes in my grief
« Reply #2 on: May 24, 2015, 06:30:27 PM »
I very much doubt your dh would ever want you to feel guilty for not being miserable. ((((Hugs))) I'm so glad you've found love and some peace.
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. ~Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

"Dying is easy. Living is hard. ~George Washington, Hamilton