Author Topic: Cemetery trips to stop for a while  (Read 1673 times)

November

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  • Widowed 7/20/2014
Cemetery trips to stop for a while
« on: May 27, 2015, 05:40:49 PM »
I go to the cemetery twice a week and I go during my 30min. lunch.  Cemetery is only 10 mins away from my house and work.  I go during my lunch because my kids don't like going.  Lately I've noticed that I really don't want to go, I've notice that the visits depress me so much but I push myself to go anyways. Sometimes I feel like I owe him that- those visits. 
Today I have decided that I will not go any more.  I picked up his flowers-  a pot of flowers that the kids picked out which also has a solar light that my kids put in so he wouldn't be in the dark and I'm not taking them back....not for now.   Now I can't shake the feeling that I'm abandoning him. This is something I no longer want to do.....so why do I feel so horribly sad? 
Rigo, quiero cerrar mis ojos y sentir que estas conmigo.
Love you then, now & always.

Trying

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  • aka MissingmyTim
Re: Cemetery trips to stop for a while
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2015, 06:01:00 PM »
(((November))) it is my belief that I don't need to go to the cemetery to visit my DH, that is not where he is.  I talk to him where ever I am, honor him in little ways every day and every where.  For me, the baseball fields where he coached my sons and volunteered countless hours is where I go when I really want to FEEL him.  Other people benefit from visiting the cemetery, we are all unique.

If it doesn't feel comforting and it only feels like an obligation there is no point to it and it does not honor him.  It may have been what you needed for a while but our needs change.  When you take away the feeling of obligation you may find yourself wanting to return at certain times.  Good for you that you realized this was not what you need right now.
You will forever be my always.

widowat33

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Re: Cemetery trips to stop for a while
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2015, 10:50:39 PM »
((November))
I agree with Trying.
I think of my husband as being everywhere, and talk to him as well. For awhile I felt like he wasn't around and that made me sad, but now again I feel as though he's here..it might sound crazy, and is certainly not everyone's belief and that's ok. It helps me and that's all that matters. You need to do what helps you, and if going there does not help than I don't see any reason why you should force yourself to go. But you also mention that you feel bad not going, it's hard these conflicting emotions!
Hopefully you will find a solution that brings you some peace!

Carey

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Re: Cemetery trips to stop for a while
« Reply #3 on: May 28, 2015, 08:22:39 AM »
I struggle with this, because mine is buried an hour away.  I don't want his "spot" to look like no one loves him.  That being said I've been twice :(  But I would like the flowers to stay pretty ( I make silk arrangements) and his solar light to still be there. I have friends that check it for me.  I have a spot at home that we planted some flowers and a flag for him.  But everyone is right, he's not there, but if it brings you comfort, go.  Conversely, don't torment yourself with guilt if it doesn't.
I can't look at the stars they make me wonder where you are. 
Stars.... up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all
I know you've gone too far
 So I .... I can't look at the stars --Grace Potter

Lisa

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Re: Cemetery trips to stop for a while
« Reply #4 on: May 28, 2015, 03:01:03 PM »
If going is not working for you please take a break and certainly don't beat yourself up.
"All the waves must reach the shore before the water calms"-Ray ♡

November

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  • Widowed 7/20/2014
Re: Cemetery trips to stop for a while
« Reply #5 on: May 28, 2015, 03:56:05 PM »
Thank you all for your responses.  It gives me great comfort to know that you guys get me.  Thanks
Rigo, quiero cerrar mis ojos y sentir que estas conmigo.
Love you then, now & always.