Author Topic: Can someone just talk to me for a minute?  (Read 11105 times)

BillsKim

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Can someone just talk to me for a minute?
« on: May 29, 2015, 06:59:19 PM »
I'm kind of scared. To many things I can't fix and I seriously think its because I'm supposed to die. I can't come up with any other reason. And it figures, usually I don't care if I do, but Dakotah isn't set yet and he's just now able to get things out about Bill and my mom and dads deaths. And his dad is looking to be on borrowed time.

The day before Bill died I told him not to be my #3. Then I find him dead. This time, I think I might be going. I really don't want to, but I can't take anymore.  I hate being alone and losing everything. I don't know what to do.
I could have posted on Facebook, but not for this. Just not for this.
Bill 7/12/2010
I've been WiddaWhompped

MissingSquish

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Re: Can someone just talk to me for a minute?
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2015, 07:02:54 PM »
Sent you a PM.
Gone but not forgotten.....my Squish.

Miss you forever baby girl, my Pru!

Wheelerswife

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Re: Can someone just talk to me for a minute?
« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2015, 07:07:05 PM »
Hang in there, Kim.

Maureen
Life is short.  Love with all you've got. 

Barry 11/29/55-9/22/09       John  1/16/57-1/11/14

Empathy  Developer  Responsibility  Adaptability Connectedness

BillsKim

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Re: Can someone just talk to me for a minute?
« Reply #3 on: May 29, 2015, 07:16:16 PM »
Stupid phone I can't maneuver on here.

I just don't know why I'm getting nowhere. I just can't find a way out. My kids have tried, I'm nerve caught up. Never. I'm so sick if trying and it gets worse. I'm terrified I'm going to have another stroke. I'm not going to make it next time. I've made it to many times and you can't keep tempting faith.
Bill 7/12/2010
I've been WiddaWhompped

BillsKim

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Re: Can someone just talk to me for a minute?
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2015, 07:18:49 PM »
I've tried coming in and posting and never get in.

I think.k its a sign
Bill 7/12/2010
I've been WiddaWhompped

jlp

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Re: Can someone just talk to me for a minute?
« Reply #5 on: May 29, 2015, 07:24:37 PM »
We're here.  We're here for you.

I don't know what I can do to help you, other than to let you know you're not alone. 

Have you been sleeping?  I know that lack of sleep can make things very dark.

Baylee627

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    • dawiddahood
Re: Can someone just talk to me for a minute?
« Reply #6 on: May 29, 2015, 07:26:31 PM »
Ok, slow down just a minute. Take three deep breaths. (Hard to do when you are feeling frenzied, I know).

You've weathered many a tragedy. There's no getting around that. No way, no how. These deaths and the fact that you are feeling defeated --"too many things I can't fix"--are not pre-indicators of your impending demise. Considering what you've endured, I think you are bracing for the next tragic event because life has you shell-shocked, and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The other shoe dropping is not an inevitability. You could wait for decades....And nothing.

Do you suffer from panic disorder? Have you ever experienced a panic attack? I do, and some of your post reminds me of the feelings that encircle me when I'm in the frightful throes of one. I feel like I must be dying, or like I will die imminently, like in the next week.

Often, my precious Grana would whisper to me, patting my hand: try and calm yourself, Sugar. You're struggling, but it's going to be alright, you'll see.

Please PM me or email if you would like. Keep posting. And consider locating a good therapist--I believe therapy is one of the best investments one can make on their own behalf. Hang in there, missy.

Baylee









Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion--Dylan Thomas

SoVerySad

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Re: Can someone just talk to me for a minute?
« Reply #7 on: May 29, 2015, 07:28:13 PM »
First, BillsKim, I am sending you a very tight hug. I can see that you are feeling very overwhelmed right now. Is it chat you are having trouble getting into? Are you able to access your private messages? If so, I would like to send you a message. I'd be happy to talk with you if we can get connected. I'm going to post this message and then send you the private message. Wait a minute or so and see if you can receive it, okay?
Without you, Baby, I'm not me.

Baylee627

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    • dawiddahood
Re: Can someone just talk to me for a minute?
« Reply #8 on: May 29, 2015, 07:29:18 PM »
I've tried coming in and posting and never get in.

I think.k its a sign

It's a sign you are seeking and needing support, but nothing more. And that's what you should be doing, that's a healthy thing.

Baylee
Though lovers be lost, love shall not, and death shall have no dominion--Dylan Thomas

Justin

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Re: Can someone just talk to me for a minute?
« Reply #9 on: May 29, 2015, 07:41:22 PM »
We all have those days where we feel like we just can't take anymore. At all. But you know what? We keep doing it because we know there will be a better day, even though it doesn't feel like it and it may not register in the conscious mind. There is a still, small voice somewhere deep inside you telling you this and it has gotten you dark times before - and will again.

Please remember we are here for you, just like you are here for us.
Marsha 1975-2014

"Love is the province of the brave"

Jess

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Re: Can someone just talk to me for a minute?
« Reply #10 on: May 29, 2015, 07:44:44 PM »
(((BillsKim)))

There have been many times I have felt like the end of my time must be coming soon. A spouse having a sudden death has a way of doing that to you. Sometimes I can almost feel like my heart is going to seize up and give out at any moment. Yet, here I still am. And here you still are. And you are going to do what you always do, which is keep hanging in there for another day, then do it all over again the next day and so on.

Being overwhelmed is such a weakening feeling. Things going wrong and being overwhelmed is a terrible combo, but you have battled through before and you can continue to do so. We all care about you and support you.
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014

BillsKim

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Re: Can someone just talk to me for a minute?
« Reply #11 on: May 29, 2015, 07:58:37 PM »
Its not one of those days. Been almost 5 years and when I have another,one of those days, it means it was a good day.
Almost 5 years! No one will hired me. SSDI .sent me to their doctor twice and she couldn't believe it didn't go through the first time. I've put in probably closer to 2000 applications Thames 10000. I m useless to everyone. My kids have helped me here and there, till they sent making it. I'm tired, but I have to keep thinking of ways to make money, but NOTHING WORKS!!!
I am just taking up space. I have no idea why I haven't gone yet, because I am so useless and the only person that didn't think so is dead!!!!
Bill 7/12/2010
I've been WiddaWhompped

MissingSquish

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Re: Can someone just talk to me for a minute?
« Reply #12 on: May 29, 2015, 08:04:17 PM »
Kim,

Please call me. I am very worried.  Your life is worth living. You are worth living.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2015, 08:06:46 PM by MissingSquish »
Gone but not forgotten.....my Squish.

Miss you forever baby girl, my Pru!

Jess

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Re: Can someone just talk to me for a minute?
« Reply #13 on: May 29, 2015, 08:11:18 PM »
I am just taking up space. I have no idea why I haven't gone yet, because I am so useless and the only person that didn't think so is dead!!!!

You are not just taking up space.
You are not useless.
Bill was not and is not the only person that thought you are not useless.
You are important.
You are needed.
You are loved.
On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good. - Unknown

Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous. - Hazrat Inayat Khan

Joe: 1979- 7/2014

BillsKim

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Re: Can someone just talk to me for a minute?
« Reply #14 on: May 29, 2015, 08:19:39 PM »
I'm going to walk to the store with my son and get bread. So sick of bread and eggs, I'd probably bleed it.
Think I needed yo cry. Gonna run cold water over my head. I feel like shit.
Bill 7/12/2010
I've been WiddaWhompped